This might sound bad.

My mum is a smoker, and I had a similar battle with her with my first. I just told her plainly that if she wants to hold the baby, then she doesn't smoke immediately before visiting, she has a good wash and puts clean clothes on. She actually did stop smoking entirely for a while, but it's crept back in. She told me today that she hasn't smoked for 3 months (obviously spurred by the new arrival). You never know, if you are strict then it might trigger a behavior change in your mum. My mum never stopped smoking for me or my sister (in fact she smoked while pregnant with me!), but grandchildren are different to her 🤷🏼‍♀️ maybe because she knows how much I hate it? Also - this does not sound bad at all. This is the start of you putting your child first. Don't ever worry that that's the wrong thing to do x

I had to tell people with my first because it wasn’t me it was bothering but it was irritating my babies skin, she kept getting a rash on either side of the face / neck turns out it was the perfume and aftershave

We have a 2 year old and expecting second - I still tell me mum she can’t smoke when she’s visiting or before. When she visits she smokes in the evening when he’s in bed. We don’t smoke, and none of my friends smoke so it’s just not something I want around my son at all. I think you just have to be firm. There are genuine health reasons for babies not being around second hand smoke so it’s not over the top with a newborn at all.

@Shellz she has cut down on smoking since I've been pregnant but has been telling me she has quit when it's obvious she hasn't. Whatever is said will end in arguement from her side as it will be me being horrible to her. I have rarely visited her house as I don't like the smell on a good day its unbearable. It has improved so I would say she has cut down. But they few times I have been there, there have been astrays hidden that are pretty full so she is clearly still smoking more than she claims. I have mentioned in passing (usually when my dad has been around in his work stuff) about if people smell they won't be holding her and used my dad as reference (he wouldn't even come close in his work stuff he would go home shower and change first). So I am hoping I've said it enough that it won't be an issue but who knows.

@Katie she didn't give up for her other 2 grandchildren who she cared for 2 days a week. However she didn't smoke in the house while they were there (she does now they are 9 and 14 but thinks because they are in another room it's OK but I disagree. She had cut down, even if she does quit I won't believe her as she has lied about quitting so many times and until she is caught and then it's like oh it'd my first one I was stressed. She knows I can't stand lying either. She has been good and even when she vapes she will go out side/move away from me. I've never not moaned about her smoking and the smell and told her the reason we rarely visit is because even when she' doesn't smoke while we are there we come home smelling of it.

@Tasha this is kind of what I am planning. Baby is highly likely to need about 6 to 8 weeks in a leg cast so we won't be able to bath her during this time only top and tail. So anything that gets on her skin either smells or chemicals won't be washed off properly and could irritate her skin. Both me and my husband have very sensitive skin so it wouldn't shock me if she had has too. But babies skin is generally a bit more delicate anyway.

@Leonie I have avoided contact with smokers my whole pregnancy. I had already a couple years ago said I wouldn't go to family gatherings where the smokers would be smoking inside as I always end up ill afterwards (so I stopped getting invited to all gathering which was lovely). It shouldn't be a shock that we won't visit their house once she is born accept in the summer when we can just be in the garden and not have to be inside. I'm hoping the combo of me being even more anti smoking then ever and the extension they are paying a fortune for will be enough motivation for her to at least stop smoking inside. She mentions us inheriting this lovely house one day and my response is well if we can't afford to gut it out and get rid of the smell we will have to sell. So it's not like she isn't aware of my dislike. And the dislike has been life long. My dad doesn't smoke and neither me or my sibling ever have.

It sounds like you have a v similar relationship with your mum as I do with regards to smoking. Regarding her other grandchildren - I guess if their parents never made a big deal of it then she wouldn't have changed her behaviour. My mum lied about smoking after my first when it started creeping back in. The smell's pretty obvious to a non-smoker, so I didn't believe her lies. At least she waited until my daughter was about 1 though until I could obviously smell it on her, and I'd relaxed a little bit by then. I did catch her on our security camera smoking in our back garden when she was babysitting 🤷🏼‍♀️ sometimes you've got to pick your battles, and she did do really well for about a year, like I said. It's an addiction and i think when someone has been smoking for 50 years it's quite a lot to ask them to stop 100%. Now my daughter is older I've asked her if she sees her nanna smoking and she always says no, and she doesn't come home smelling of it, so I would call that a win in the grand scheme of things