You aren't a failure. You're an individual who is clearly an incredibly loving, caring, compassionate, patient and self aware person. They also aren't just children, the age group you've described includes teenagers and young adults (at least in the UK- 18 upwards is classed as an adult) suspect the same size as you, if not bigger? With the trauma you've described sounds as though your fight or flight has kicked in, and understandably. Why is it your dream job? Maybe there are other motivators at play here which you could understand and take those and apply to another sector, or the same, but different role? Maybe as an interim, or maybe to give you the opportunity to expand 'what you want'? Firstly though, you need to be kinder to yourself! Step back and give yourself a chance to take stock of the current situation, assess and work out what you want to do. You've got this- I know, because you're a Mother!
Not a failure at all, until you try you don't know. I've been in the same, all my life dreamed to work with children, before getting pregnant I could get my dream job what turned to be my nightmare job 🤣🤣 I couldn't wait to be in mat leave and I didn't go back. I prefer to work for children but not directly with them as I cannot stand the teenagers attitude. I'm still in the same field but working backstage and I love it.
@Otilia teenagers are the worst. Give me ten toddlers over one teenager any day
Don’t feel like a failure! You tried and that’s the most important thing! Absolutely no point working somewhere that isn’t good for your mental health x