Friendships ending after having children

Have you thought to ask them? It’s difficult to keep friends when you have children because you’re in such a different time in your life and they can’t relate because they either don’t have them and don’t want them, they are trying and it’s difficult to see other people’s success when you’re not having much luck or it’s not happened for you yet. It’s more difficult to plan things with people with children because we have to think about childcare etc. also, your topic of conversation is likely to navigate towards your children which they might not find interesting. It’s all about times in your life - you never know, they may come back after they start having children. I’d recommend making some new mummy friends 😊

To give you possibly their perspective. I was the freind that pulled back when freinds had children as I had mine later. When I was younger it was hard as I wasn’t ready for children and everything we did had to be around their children location, food naps. It dominated the friendship and we never got time to be friends I just got to see her and watch her being mum. Later it took us a long time to fall pregnant. I pulled back from friends with children as it was hard for me emotionally. I even had to unfollow people on Facebook when they made pregnancy announcements. Maybe try to talk to them but also arrange to see them without your children every so often.

I think it's really sad when this happens. I've had children late, and i didn't let my friends having children affect our friendship. It changed it, obviously, but I didn't stop talking to them, etc. For example, when my friend was on maternity leave, I would go round to her house on my day off and bring lunch. No, it's not a night out, but those things naturally drop away while you are having your babies, and I understood that before I had my kids. I don't know how old you and your friends are? If you're still in your 20s, this might just be a sign of some immaturity on their part. Or maybe they think they're doing the right thing by giving you space? Or maybe they just don't know what to say to you as the whole kids thing is overwhelming to them?

I’m currently going through the same situation. My best friend has fertility issues and I was trying to be conscious of not rubbing it in her face that I had a baby when she can’t but it backfired. We’ve talked about it so many times and apparently sorted it out but she keeps telling me that I’m the only person who has ever made her feel bad for not being able to have children and when I think we’ve sorted it she does a 180 and ghosts me. Currently in the ghosting phase right now and it’s making me angry because I don’t feel she’s been that supportive of my struggles as a FTM whereas I’ve apologised till I’m blue in the face for making her feel bad!

@Amy I have but 2 of them won’t return my messages or calls anymore. For no reason. One of the others I did ask back in April and she just said friendships change. Which is true but we’ve stayed friends through so many trials and tribulations this just seems silly. I understand situations changes and I’m not expecting to get together or text everyday. Like a 3 month check in or catch up? We’ve grown up together and it does feel like a slap in the face how uninterested they are to get to know the little people I’ve made. Even though I do get it’s not for everyone.

@lizzy I totally get this perspective and it’s one I have considered. But then I think some of these friends have lived abroad for a few years before and we’ve stayed friends then. Is being in the baby phase any different? I would if they would return my messages. Sudden ghosting for no reason is very strange. Especially as we used to talk about how awful it was when people used to do it on dating apps!

@Katie you are a good friend! I’m in my mid 30’s so I thought we were all mature enough to talk about these things but hey Ho!

@Kirsty that sounds really hard I’m sorry. I can understand how fertility issues can cause friendships to break down but I get how the ghosting is frustrating.