Don’t want to be a mother
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@Erin I’m unsure if I can get therapy through my doctor, I’ll have to book an appointment and see. I don’t even know if it is ppd or if it’s just me and the fact that I can’t parent 2 kids. It’s just so hard 😭
I don't hate it but I don't think there is much that is fun about having a newborn. I have a 3 year old as well who is lovely but I kept her in nursery full-time, frankly I don't think I could manage both at home. Is your toddler in any childcare? If not could he do a little to give you a break?
I've also kept my toddler in full time nursery because I didn't think I'd be able to manage both at home myself so definitely no judgement. Being a mum is forever but this phase is not and it will pass. it sounds like you've had it particularly tough with behaviour and illness. One day at a time. I'm sure it will get better so hang in there 🩷
I had similar thoughts of being overwhelmed with the situation, NB and toddler, last week. Toddler was sick 2 times since baby was born so was difficult keeping them apart. What have you tried for the biting? It is a developmental phase they go through, how old is your toddler? My son has just started doing it again as a way to hurt. We put him in time out every time he does it or anything similar. Time out is self regulated he comes out when he is calm, time out for us isn't punishment but a way for him to calm down. Toddler is in nursery during the day as I couldn't handle both alone.
@Charlie when he bites I tell him off and explain that he has made mammy sad (if it’s me he has bit) and he does apologise and cuddle me, but I don’t want him to do it in the first place as he has bit a friend once too. I’m unsure if timeout will work at the minute as he’s only 2 and won’t stay in one place on his own. We’ve also tried distracting him and telling him to kiss when he’s just about to bite. We’ve also been reading him a book about biting but none of this has helped
@Tanya yeah he’s in nursery 3 days per week. I keep saying we’ll increase it too full time but we can’t afford it while I’m in maternity. It’s just so difficult especially when some of my friend also have 2 kids and they manage just fine. I know I shouldn’t compare myself but they’re a lot better at being a mother than I am.
We've been doing timeout from about 2 yo, but every toddler is different. So could be something to start trying. It is developmentally normal though to bite, it is unfortunate that he bit a friend. Keep persevering with the "No, that hurt mummy, mummy sad" etc. And try and preempt. It takes time for them to get it unfortunately.
Believe me, I bet those mums who look like they are perfect have difficult moments too. I don't think you finding this difficult means they are better mums than you, it is difficult, some of it is brutal and tests you as far as you can go. It sounds like you are having a particularly difficult time. Does the nursery have any suggestions and are they doing anything about the biting? Has his behaviour always been the same or is it worse since your baby arrived? Hopefully baby will sleep better soon. This phase will pass. Can someone give you a break so you can reset away from them for a little bit? Are you getting any "you" time? I know it's really hard to find.
Just posted about how hard I'm finding my three year old since having his brother. It's absolutely brutal. I don't hate being a mum, but my god I'm finding it incredibly hard. Because I know how amazing being a mum is from having a toddler, im just reminding myself daily that everything is a phase and before we know it, his behaviour will settle again and the juggle will become easier and it will become enjoyable.
Parenting is so hard. When there are challenges it can feel impossible. I would consider speaking to the GP as it could be PPD. If it isn’t then honestly not everyone enjoys this age range. Try and get breaks when you can but it won’t be like this forever! They become more independent with age, they become less bitey, they become little people you can chat with and do fun things with. It eases up. I have two teens and a newborn. I promise you it won’t be like this forever.
@Tanya he hasn’t actually bit anyone at nursery for a while but they are helping with his ‘emotions’. I do have a lot of support and help but don’t get any ‘me time’. I’ll see if I can get a night off next week for a couple of hours and go out with the hubby. I do think it’s just a bad time and I’ll get through it. It’s nice to know there’s support here as well as at home 🥰
I have hated every second of the last 4 or so weeks with a newborn, feel like it’s ruined everything. I have a 15 month old as well and I was loving where we were at and our routine, it’s been my favourite age and I feel like I’m missing the best of him now. I keep telling myself it will go so quick and then it will be great, it’s all about surviving not thriving at this point xx
Sounds like maybe ppd.. do you have access to therapy or talked to your doctor about it? I don’t think you’re alone in thoughts like these. That’s got to be overwhelming a toddler and newborn. No judgment!