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You absolutely can catch herpes from a cold sore, so honestly I wouldn’t worry, if you never had any doubts before!

@Cotswoldmama I didn’t have a coldsore at the time of oral. I may have potentially had an ulcer in my mouth (my child had hand foot and mouth at the time and I put it down to this) although not certain on dates. I’ve never had an outbreak on my lady parts, only ever on my mouth and I honestly can’t remember the last time I broke out.

A Coldsore is herpes ...

I think you can still pass it on even when you don’t have an active cold sore. It’s just not as likely

@Ellie thanks for your response. I am aware of that - thank you. I didn’t realise that I could pass it on if I didn’t have an outbreak. I’ve given oral basically every time we have sex and it hasn’t been a thing in ten years so just curious as to why it’s happened now

@Cotswoldmama thanks. Anyone know what this now means for our future sex life? I’m feeling really sad about the situation 😔

If you have hsv 1 or 2, HSV still sheds off ya even when it’s seemingly dormant, even if you hadn’t had any active outbreaks, you still could’ve transmitted it. (Like before you ever felt the possible sore in your mouth) However there is some research that having HSV-1 present on genitalia ends up showing that shedding can decrease over time (: https://newsroom.uw.edu/news-releases/viral-shedding-ebbs-over-time-hsv-1-genital-infections

You can have something called asymptomatic viral shedding. Happens unfortunately.

Here’s the general fast facts on hsv & I’ll come back with an Instagram account that’s helpful when first accepting the diagnosis & educating yourself !! (: https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/herpes/

https://www.instagram.com/vero.venturing?igsh=MTA2aWhpZXloOGdxag==

Cold sores can lay dormant for a long time. You more than likely gave him the virus even if you didn't have an outbreak

@Parker 又 thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to share this information with me. I can’t help but feel really sad about it all.

Of course dude, it’s tough, but somewhere between 60-80% of the worlds population has some type of hsv floating around in their body. And if your partner now also has a diagnosis along side with you, neither of you have anything to worry about really And being under informed or un-informed isn’t your fault, there are still a lot of doctors who tell people “if there’s no active out break you won’t have to worry” when unfortunately the reality is the transmission rate is never 0%

I know a couple this happened to, he had a cold sore and gave her herpes. I think there’s medication you can take? That was years ago and they are still happily together with a great sex life! Once you learn how to manage it I’m sure you both will be fine!

@Kathryn thanks for the reassurance, Kathryn. Good to hear that it’s manageable and can still have a good sex life. I think the only thing holding me back is that I didn’t have an active outbreak (although the medical professional says it could’ve come from my ulcer) although as others have stated above, there doesn’t need to be an active outbreak to contract. I am just struggling to understand how we’ve been having sex/oral over ten years and it’s only happened now 😔

You could’ve given it to him 4 years into your 10 years of being together, he could’ve been asymptomatic until now. Men typically are asymptomatic with herpes for longer than women tend to be. It’s part of the reason why so much of the population has hsv. Because a lot of people have it & are asymptomatic but still at risk of shedding the virus themselves too even if they had never known they had hsv at all.

@Parker 又 you’ve really helped me to understand, thank you! He is such a good man, I have never doubted he has been unfaithful however it did cross my mind for a split second but you have brought me back down to earth. Thank you x

Of course!!! I unfortunately have personal experience with learning the facts the hard way, 🫶🏼🫂 I also have bpd so I absolutely do get the places your brain can take you

Yes totally possible. Happened to a close friend but it was her husband with oral herpes who transmitted it to her :( they have to use condoms and she has to take meds when she has an outbreak or feels one coming on. My husband and I are overly careful when we get anything resembling a cold sore now.

My ex gave me both types of herpes that dirty lying bastard. Anyhoo… I’ve had it for like 9 years now. But In that time I met my husband and had 2 kids and the only time it affects us is if I feel my lips tingling I might not kiss him for a day or two out of extra caution. But I’ve been on herpes meds for all 9 years and the only time I had an outbreak is when my meds ran out and I didn’t get a refill in time. Which was 1ce. But I’ve been with my husband 7 years and he still hasn’t caught it! So I’d def get a prescription! But either way a large portion of the population has it so don’t feel bad. Shit happens, you didn’t do it on purpose.

@Naomi what do you take? I have had so many on my face/lips throughout pregnancy and would like to take something preventative long term once my baby is born!

@Amber valacyclovir is the one that’s been most effective for me, I get prescribed it through my ob’s office (:

Usually they do tell you which strain of the virus you have as there are two types. Type one is spread through oral contact but can cause genital herpes. I also have this type but in the form of genital herpes so likely caught it from oral sex. A lot of people have the herpes virus and don't even know they have it. It can only be diagnosed when you have an outbreak and my understanding is the outbreak may not happen at the time of when you catch it so you could have it a long time before you have an outbreak and you can catch it and never have an outbreak. I had a bad initial outbreak of it then some occasional very small outbreaks and it's now been well over 5 years with no outbreaks whatsoever.

@Amber I take 1gram of valacyclovir a day. And you should not wait to start taking it!! You can pass it to your baby when you give birth so they typically want you taking it at least a month before you are due. Not to mention a baby’s skin is super susceptible so you want to be on it before you do any baby kissing.

@Naomi I have type 1 (I think) so I’ve been told it’s less likely her to catch them from my face - I have started on aciclovir to try and clear it up quickly but I deffo will not be kissing her!