Pressure to be intimate

I'm 100% in the same boat and I don't know how to deal either.. hubby said "just relax and get in the mood"... like I wish it was that easy

I'm sorry. I'm never in the mood for a long while after having a baby and finding the time is difficult too but my husband never pressures me. It's not right, you shouldn't have to be pressured. I've absolutely been intimate out of a sense of "oh it's been a while and I should, I feel bad" but not because my husband pressured me. I'd be more resistant if he did, it's not ok.

@Heather I feel terrible and have cried over it but I can't make myself be intimate if I'm not in the mood.. and my husband has literally given me the silent treatment because I wouldn't give it to him... he respects me and doesn't force me but the pressure is definitely there and he makes me feel worse than I already do when I don't have sex with him

Same thing here and I only just got to the point sex isn't as painful for me. And he makes me feel bad for barely wanting to give in once a week. I know his sex drive is high but he doesn't understand how drained I am every day. Have any of you dealt with painful intercourse during and after pregnancy?

@Liz It hurt during cramp like pain.. and after the last time we tried it hurt/burned like I was torn down there.. and im exhausted but he said I can't complain cuz he works more and doesn't count caring for the baby as actual work :/

@Moira wow coercion isn't consent. How much does he help with the baby? It's hard to be in the mood if you aren't getting enough help and enough time to yourself to feel like a human being. We also have a 5 year old that is very touchy feely. I have the baby attached to me all day and my 5 year old spends chunks of time pressed up next to me on the couch at the same time as I'm nursing or the baby is napping on me. I'm touched out often. The fact that my husband helps when he's home and doesn't pressure me does help to make me feel more receptive even if I'm not necessarily in the mood. But honestly, between the baby and the 5 year old that's constantly in our bed and my husband's work hours we've only even tried once.

@Heather when I'm home? Never, he doesn't do ANYTHING for her and he watches her one day a week and I don't trust him to do that either :/ I literally do EVERYTHING for baby care and housework on top of a full time job... and all he does Is work (a lot of OT) but he equals it out cuz he pays for more shit than I do... and he does everything financially

@Moira that's very similar to mine. The pain is like he's too big for me or I'm dry or something but my ob doesn't think I'm having a lubrication issue. Mine also pulls the work card. Like I get it, you work 10 hours a day doing manual labor but im physically and emotionally drained and have hardly slept. I know it's not the same but it doesn't change the fact that it's still draining. I also don't feel entirely comfortable leaving him to take care of her alone because I literally do everything to take care of her. I trust him but he can't provide for her the same way I do and doesn't know her as well as I do. The fact you're doing it with a full time job tells me you do have it worse than me tho cus mine at least let me quit my job til I'm ready to go back.

@Liz I work 10 hrs a day in a warehouse, and I pump at work on top of getting me, baby and his lunch made for work in the mornings then after work getting everything put away at home and feeding and bed.. Like I get his job (branch of law enforcement) is physically and mentally draining plus financial stress.. but I'm drained too and he doesn't get it and still expects everything from me And Ik I'm not having lubrication problems, I'm just not in the mood cuz I'm so tired

@Moira good lord idk how you do it all. I can hardly bring myself to be away from mine long enough to shower sometimes because I'm afraid that's when she will get hungry and start screaming. I'm lucky to be able to stop working for a while and have to just be very careful financially so we can get by. And don't get me started on the house. I still haven't been able to find time to finish her room let alone clean the house more. I just know if I start painting her room I'll get maybe 30 min before she needs me. But you, good lord you do it all and he really needs to lay off for a bit. I just wish men would try going a few months without thinking about sex even and see how it's not that bad to go without for a while.

@Liz we didn't do it much during pregnancy. So it's practically been a year since we've had consistent sex... and I shower after I lay her down for bed cuz I know she'll be asleep until 230ish when i lay her down at 830 And I had 10w off pp 100% paid, but gotta work now to keep brining in money for bills

@Moira The fact that he doesn't help and you don't feel you can trust him to help says a lot about him as a person. I have no problem leaving our kids with my husband. The only reason I take the baby with me on school runs in the morning even though my husband is home is because my husband works nights and needs to sleep. Once he starts staying asleep more consistently I'll leave him behind too. I don't take our 5 year old when I drop off our teen for instance. He'll stay asleep until I get back and not wake my husband up... and if he doesn't he usually just crawls into bed with my husband and goes back to sleep lol. My husband works ten hour days 4 days a week and has a 1.5 hour commute... so during the week we really only see him for a couple hours before he leaves but he will still help if I need and he's very hands on the rest of the time. It really makes a difference having a partner that would give me time to myself if I need it....

@Moira I get why you're struggling with wanting to be intimate. Sounds like he isn't putting in his fair share of effort with parenting, you both work but he expects to opt out of doing anything else in the house and he acts like a big baby when you aren't in the mood... which I'm sure is also a big turn off. Yeah I can't blame you.

@Heather I don't teust him cuz I premake 3 bottles of breastmilk for him (just like I do for daycare, but for them i also do two Bottles of formula) And when she's at daycare she goes through 4 sometimes all 5 bottles, but last week with him she only drank 2 bottles in the 12 hours I was gone (they're only 3.5-4oz bottles).. and I scolded him that she should be eating more than that and he just said that she's fine.. I think what's happening is that I had very high expectations for him being a good dad because I've seen how he acted with our friend's kids, but now that he's actually a dad and he's not living up to my expectations it's very unattractive

@Moira I absolutely get that and I wouldn't trust him either if he's not feeding her like he should. He needs to step up his game and be a good partner and father

@Heather I will add that it's hard for me to get in the mood cuz I got an iud and have been lightly bleeding/spotting for almost 2months... (to which Mt husband said: "well tell your body to stop bleeding")

@Moira 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I get it. I don't have a high libido to begin with so I do have to talk myself into it sometimes but my husband still doesn't pressure me.

I hear you all. This was me...back in 2021 after my first. Husband didn't help as much as I expected.. his 50/50 (which he still defends he did and currently does) is like 80/20. I am full of resentment, tired, touched out. I can count on my hands how many times we had sex since my first was born....and the last time we had sex, this babe was conceived. And that was sex I felt pressured into. I don't have an answer for you, but I hear you, I feel you, and I warn you...dont give in unless you have a solid birth control plan.

Same. It doesn’t help that breastfeeding hormones make things uncomfortable down there. Highly recommend lots and lots of lube even if you think you don’t need it. When I was pregnant I wanted it a lot more than he did. Now that I’m pp he wants it a lot more than I do. But we do it anyway. It’s like a back massage sometimes when they ask for it you don’t want to but you do it for the person you love. It’s your husband, not a F boy. I just ask for him to do more foreplay and keep the sex quick when I’m not totally in the mood. Even when I’m not totally into it I feel closer to him after. My fear is the more you avoid it and turn him down the further apart you’ll drift. And track your ovulation!!

@Moira that is such a frustrating statement. Like maddening. I'm sorry