Am I wrong?

That seems kinda creepy to me……do you have any concerns about him sleeping in bed with your child???

@Heather no not at all. My husband is an amazing father. It’s not creepy at all. He wants to sleep with him because he gets a good nights sleep too as opposed to sleeping with me where sometimes we are up talking or cuddling etc

@Heather I still co sleep and he’s almost 2 is that creepy or is it the insisting he needs to that’s creepy

I feel like this post is being taken in the wrong direction! BY NO MEANS is my husband creepy! He is a devoted father.

It’s just all very bizarre to me. Co sleeping has been ill advised by all medical professionals but people are free to do whatever they want. However don’t then be shocked that your child has a complete inability to self soothe and sleep alone…..

@Heather would you say this about a mom sleeping with her son, probably not

@Mckinnly thank you

I would actually. I generally find people who continue to cosleep for years and years seem to be mentally unstable in some way. Inability to cut the cord persay. Ultimately concerning for the child in the long run.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6657124/ Potentially useful as well if you appreciate peer reviewed science.

Perhaps you guys can meet in the middle. Make a bedroom that is the main bedroom set beds close to one another to make one massive sleeping space. Everyone sleep in the same room. When kiddos are asleep you two can get up set up a special place in the room (if you can't leave) where you and partner can end the day connecting with one another in how ever you decide to do so. It's a game changer when you make changes like that. For those making it "creepy" men are allowed to bond and it not be creepy.

I disagree. My 3 year old has always been an awful sleeper and she has a bunk bed.. sleeps on the bottom bunk. We moved her out of the crib cause we used to have to go in there with her to console her and there wasn't enough room. Now my hubby sleeps next to her when she does wake and she sleeps better than alone. The reason parents are recommended to sleep train is so the children learn how to self soothe. But there's scientific evidence that sleeping with your toddler boosts oxytocin levels for both the parent and the child.. and we all know how important oxytocin is. Or at least most of us do.

As for sleeping routine, I'm in the same boat. I sleep with my 1 year old cause she's attached to me. We rarely are intimate nowadays.. we're lucky if we can get some alone time for 30 min when they're both asleep. If you can, can you find a sitter so you can plan a date night for the two of you?

@Heather That's a big statement to make. Yes you provided a reference but there is no clear evidence. Point of it being an issue is making sure everyone gets a good rest . If you don't get good rest that's when mental issues start to arise. I would be careful making such claims when it's not a cut dry answer.

Oh man that is so hard! I can see that your husband is suffering from too much love 😂 Does he shows any signs of affection towards you in other moments?

@Ana Moore he does show me affection throughout the day but that’s when he’s home. He works a lot, the kids are also around a lot as well so it’s hard to have time to show each other affection

@Sheri we could have a date night but I still don’t feel like it resolves the issue. We have very different approaches for how a child should sleep at night

So he does have feelings for you but whenever you told him that you are feeling unloved and unwanted he didn’t care at all? I would seek marriage counseling to try to help him open his eyes. Our children are everything but they will grow wings and fly away from home and in the end of the day is just the two of you again. Love needs to be cultivated 🥺

I think it depends on the style of parenting. We cosleep with our 3yo, and i only see pros. It also depends on your child, your priorities, and which approach comes naturally to you as a parent. It's a controversial topic both ways

@Ana Moore he doesn’t care because he says I keep him up at night and that’s why he chooses to sleep with our toddler instead. Bear in mind, I am a night owl. I know I’ve had my moments (I like snacks at 2 am) but I’m not an air head. If you’re telling me you need to be left alone, I’ll do that. He just won’t give me another opportunity to show him that I won’t keep him up late. I keep explaining to him that we all have our needs. Women need intimacy, without it she will find it very hard to be excited about the relationship. Maybe he’s starting to understand it a bit because for the first time in 5 years he came to my door after one of my passive aggressive comments about the situation and tried to reason with me. Of course we are left with the same conclusion.

But does he lack a desire for intimacy? Does he show you desire at other times of day? You really don't need a bedroom. I'm, on the other hand, on the other boat. I love sleeping alone, and I don't want him back. He is too loud of a sleeper, moved a lot, etc. But intimacy has place in other room s and times usually, and actually never used the bedroom.

Do your kids go to daycare? I was struggling a bit as my husband and I have separate rooms now as I co sleep w our 1.5 year old. But once daycare happened we got a bit of time to ourselves and I haven't gone back to work yet and it helped to have more time for a physical relationship. He also goes to bed earlier than I do so I just go snuggle before sleep. You could always go snuggle w them before you go to sleep. It is difficult to navigate but I am sure with some well thought out conversations I'm sure you can come to a solution that works for both of you. Maybe where he agrees to sleep w you 2 nights a week or something. Marriages take work. Keep working at it.

Is it possible for him to put the 3 year old to bed and spend an hour with you before going to bed himself? Or alternatively, all of you sleep in one big bed together? Some people put two queen beds together if king size is not big enough. Or have one bug family cuddle on the bed or couch before bed? Im sure he would be willing to find a solution that also works for you without compromising the child's comfort.

Is your husband filipino? Lol, mines the same. I've given a time frame of when I need him back in our room (when the new baby is born, so 7 months). He's been spending half the night in our son's room and coming to bed around 12-1. Our niece still cosleeps with her nanny and she's 4.5 Just have a conversation with your husband and see if you can come up with a compromise

@Heather I’m sure I could find just as many articles of how co sleeping is benificial, also if you don’t like the post don’t comment it’s not your life anyways so who cares what you have to say, she’s asking for advice not if co sleeping is good or bad, read the room babe

Oh god literally knock yourself out with co-sleeping. When you child goes to daycare and school and other children laugh at them, enjoy that. When your partner slips away and you become a single parent as you failed to maintain the relationship and the intimacy that you so desire, don’t be shocked! :) @Mckinnly I have personally seen this charade happen to so many friends so just providing a little advice to the wise. Ultimately I could care less! I don’t live that nightmare.

@Heather kids at daycare don't care. Stop projecting your insecurities on other people.

@Heather sorry you’ve seen those negative experiences but this is not the norm with cosleeping. Everyone I know who does it/has done it hasn’t had any of the issues you speak of. Some advice from my friends who cosleep: the bed isn’t the only place you can have sex 😉

I get where you’re coming from but I side with your husband. Your son is still soo little. It’s refreshing to see a dad wanting to prolonged the childhood. Your son is lucky! Are you cosleeping with the 1 yo? Could you etch out time for intimacy and qt before /after he settles the 3yo?

@Heather there is most likely a fundamentally bigger issue at hand with your friends. These are little kids, they go to sleep secure and content with their parent(s) and can voice when they no longer care too. You’re telling me many of your friends couldn’t resolve their issues as adults but chose to blame little kids?