On the verge of a break up

I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time. 🙁 my eldest’s dad and I separated when she was about to turn 4. It was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do at the time, but we were so unhappy and it was beginning to visibly affect our daughter. She’s now 6, and my new partner and I have a 1 year old together who she absolutely adores. She also adores my partner and has two loving homes and families who cherish her. She doesn’t actually remember her dad and I being together, which makes me a little sad sometimes, but in a way I think it has made the transition easier for her in the long run as this is all she’s ever really known. Sending you strength to get through whatever comes your way, but children are so much more resilient than we think they are. Whatever happens, she’ll be OK as long as you show her you love her and provide a stable and safe space for her to express herself in the future xxx

Why is it that you’re looking to end the relationship? If that’s not too personal? I only ask because so many relationships break down when kids are small. Everyone is tired and your life has just changed completely. Women suddenly have to take on so much more responsibility which causes resentment to grow. But a lot of people find it they can make it through those baby / toddler years it gets easier on the other side: have you tried any counselling or anything? Of course if it is because of cheating or abuse or anything that’s a different story.

@Jen its kinda what you said. We are both so tired with a 1 year old who doesn't sleep. I feel like I do so much and he feels like I don't appreciate him he feels I walk all over him and I snap at him and that I treat him like a enemy. I'm probably guilty of some of that but I'm absolutely exhausted. I do everything at home and with the baby day and night. He said he is unhappy and that he can leave if I won't change. I'm in two minds because I can't believe he could throw away 4 years, a home, a baby and a proposal all because he feels I am a horrible person.

@Alison, I'm so sorry you had to go through heartbreak and pain. I'm so happy for you that you found happiness and love again. It's so hard because I want her to have a healthy, happy home. I just don't want it to be at the cost of us having to go through this again or falling out with one another all of the time. Xx

I totally get that. It really resonates. Mine are now nearly 3 and 1. I do almost all the childcare - not just physically looking after them but the associated “mental load”. I also do everything in the house because I’m at home more. We are also opposites in work approach so i do everything immediately and he does everything tomorrow which definitely causes tension! What I would say is different though, is that my husband totally acknowledges that I do everything, that he is infuriating, and that if I’m irritated and snappy it’s completely justified. I would be really hurt if my husband was saying what your partner was. I’m not sure I have any advise really only to follow your gut instinct. If you’re doing everything and he can’t even give you space to be irritable.. maybe you would be better off on your own. I often think it would be easier by myself because I wouldn’t have the constant hope/let down cycle that he was actually going to do his share. Thinking of you x