in Mamas with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

Anyone else lose a friendship since becoming a mum?

Hey 🥰 Since me becoming a mum, My best friend of about 15 years has become so distant. I have tried so hard to make effort & reach out to her , she picks & chooses when she wants to talk to me. She has seen my baby once in 3 months & barely asks anything about them. Same when I was pregnant, we hardly saw each other. It feels like a similar grief to loosing someone & I’m struggling to cope. It consumes me. She has had some personal things go on for a few years now in which I have constantly been there for & still try to be but now I need her as a new mum- I feel abandoned. & she only wants to know when she wants to talk about her said struggles. I have tried to talk to my partner but all he says is I’m better off without her ‘ which really doesn’t help. I feel so lost & isolated. I don’t feel strong enough to bring it up with her, I feel so fragile as a new mum and I’m struggling to cope as it is. I blame myself and try to rack my brain as to how I could have been a better friend and that I just deserve it somehow but I honestly try so hard to be a good friend to her. I never thought this would be our friendship as we always spoke about how amazing it will be when we are both mums. She hasn’t got any children yet & I know she does want them at some stage but she isn’t actively trying yet. Any advice welcome, thank you x

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I feel like I lost all my friends when I got pregnant, I was settling down and excited to be a mum and they just wanted to party. Maybe be honest with her about how you feel x

Oh yes. It's more common than we think. I lost many friends in motherhood. Most of them just don't get it.... It's hard but I just learned to let go of people who constantly shows you they are not interested at being part of your life.

It’s hard and painful sometimes. I think just being in different stages of our life makes it hard to connect

Could be you two are at different stages of life. I lost several friendships when I became pregnant. I also realized some of the friendships were more toxic, so I'm in a better place with less drama, and negative vibes. But there's times when it feels like a punch to gut. Some of my friends have been my friends for 20+ years. I still grieve the lost of the friendships but it'll get easier with time.

You should not feel guilty as your first priority is your child. You should definitely talk to her and tell her how you feel as an effort to save your friendship. Otherwise, it sounds like you have a one-sided friendship. You shouldn't have to work alone to maintain a friendship. It's normal to lose friends in life, people change, situations change, and it's okay. Mourn your loss, and make more friends.

I am sorry to know you are going through this. Please don't blame yourself for what is happening especially because you said you have tried being a good friend. Since you don't feel strong enough to bring it up to her, try to concentrate on yourself and your new life.

Thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate your support, it means so much and has helped me feel better ♥️

omg this! 😭 I lost my best friend, my ride or die girly, the day I told her I was pregnant 🙄 she literally ghosted me after that and I went through all the stages of grief, felt worse than a breakup 😭 I still miss her like crazy, but I also must respect her decision to not be friends anymore. Hurts like hell 💔

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