What should I do with these feelings

I’m so sorry you’re having these feelings. I’m a sahm full time and I feel similar to you. It’s hard to find the time and energy to get space and be a mom and a wife. I feel your pain. Praying for you.

I personally have a therapist that I can talk to about these things.

Therapy is a great option, if you have access.

Baby steps. If you are not used to taking time to yourself, start with 5 minutes guilt free and work up to more. You have to take care of yourself like it's up to you. I checked myself in to the hospital with overwhelm after having my 4th baby. I had some hard reality checks and readjustments of priorities. Such as...cutting out things like a clean house (it's messy but not unhealthy), it's an organized mess. Laundry doesn't get folded or even put away. I have enough laundry hampers to hold everyone's clothes. The tall hampers are for dirty clothes, the wide hampers are for clean clothes. I wash everything on a cold cycle unless puke or other gross things get on our clothes. I simplified meals. Sometimes we just eat eggs with a tortilla. Or just rice. When I would get so overwhelmed deciding what to make for dinner I would end up not making anything. My motto now is to just cook something, anything. I have been seeing a therapist. If I had a best friend, I don't think I would need a therapist anymore.

I feel you on the resentment aspect. It has helped me continue to like my kids to remind myself that my husband and I are the ones who got them here. The kids had no choice in being made. It's still hard to deal with them but it helps to keep my perspective off of wanting to blame the kids for life being hard. I enjoy whatever I can about them and have a hard cry over the things that are oh so frustrating. I think that resentment indicates you have some bottled up frustrations. Whether a therapist or a good friend, talk to someone. Find a healthy coping mechanism through which you can express and release those frustrations. You may have a combination of anger, grief, guilt, etc. You have to face these feelings to overcome them or they overcome you.

I think most mamas feel like this and then have the guilt bundled up with it. Especially early years or if you have multiples. Mines 2 and although I’m fully obsessed with him - isolation, mental and physical exhaustion, overstimulation etc etc are very real things mamas (esp the best mamas) all around the world are experiencing. I think the resentment comes because you’re just craving less responsibility and need more of a village. Social media also does not help. Doing too much all the time with little help will annoy anyone overtime. At times it’s made me feel completely mental! I do try to put everything in perspective though - how much I would be missing out on if I didn’t have my little guy. All the positives about me being a mom - like how hard I love now. Even when the days are long it’s all more worth it, than not. I do think in time we will rebound and have something more to give to ourselves, too. Just isn’t our time, yet, for that. Hang in there. You’re never alone! 🫶🏻

It’s definitely feel like more days that I’m stressed then otherwise I just constantly feel like I’m on edge over touched over stimulated. I’ve been doing less of the non-Zheng things like leaving the kitchen clean, but not necessarily everything put away.. or toys in a large toy van instead of putting them back together those have been helpful, but it still makes me even more on edge when things are cluttered and disorganized. Which those two were literally comes with being parents.

I have noticed that my baseline is just annoyed and stressed and unhappy, and it shows up in my kids, especially my oldest five-year-old she notices and she makes comments about it and breaks my heart.

Yesterday my 10 month old refused to give up his bottle and spilled milk everywhere during dinner time, I snatched the bottle out of his hand, very very aggressively, although it didn’t hurt him physically, but it definitely hurt him emotionally so he was crying. Across the table, my daughter, the five-year-old Said to me in a whisper “ mommy, why did you do that, that was really mean” I literally wanted to perish at that moment.

@Ivy I’m the same way. Clean house toys picked up. Def adds to all the feelings but if house isn’t put together I feel insane. I get it, I do.

@Ivy just take a breath next time mama and reset. The fact that you can recognize your reaction was incorrect and it breaks your heart says a lot about the sweet mom, you are. We all hit walls and act out in frustration sometimes, even in front of the kids. You’re human. Go chat with someone for sure! My counselor helps so much and gives me the boosts I need when I need them to get through.

I decluttered a ton! It helps my house and brain. I watched a ton of decluttering videos to come to one overall conclusion, reduce the inventory. I have made my kids clean their rooms. When they get tired of cleaning up so often, I encourage them that if they let go of things, the time it takes them to clean up is faster. They are getting in a good habit of letting things go. They are learning that their stuff takes up their time.

My favorite reminder for myself is when/if my Daughters have kids and they feel this way...I would encourage them to take a break to decompress, reset, and do something they truly enjoy to fill up their cup...or do absolutely nothing and just sleep! Whatever their soul needs to become grounded again. That is what I would tell my Daughters...therefore, I need to be treating my own self with that same compassion. Putting it that way always makes it easier for me to take "me time" without the guilt. It's impossible to pour from an empty cup and I think all of us Mama's would tell our Daughters that.

When I'm not putting time aside for ME....after a while, I feel so out of control and empty, which then unlocks this rage 😅. So I do my best to not go there and neglect my needs for too long. Idk about you but I get SO over stimulated by noises and having 3 kids under 4.5 plus I take care of my 12 year old brother....those overwhelming noises are inevitable 🤣. So "quiet time" with "quiet activities/rest time" is a daily MUST. For my kids but especially for me to reset my nerves/auditory threshold. Also, daily walks. Lots of walks...either Crack of the dawn early or after my kids go to bed. 7/10 times I dread going BUT I NEVER regret it afterwards. Always thankful...afterwards lol. Oh and noise dampening headphones for harder days. Figuring out ways, tips and tricks to make the "everyday monotonous" more manageable is really helpful.