Should I address my inlaw?

For weeks now on my social media in law videos keep popping up - specifically sister in law hate videos that my boyfriend’s sister keeps liking. My boyfriend is her only brother. We’ve been together 4 years and she’s always been a bit off towards me - more so since the pregnancy and having our son, she was incredibly rude when she came to meet the baby and just generally off… maybe because I didn’t offer for her to hold him straight away (he was passed around to the other 2 sisters and his mum and then needed feeding and changing) , I left the room for less than a minute and she just took him, then was making snide digs. Anyway - moral of my post, should I confront her about these videos? I wouldn’t really know how to address the situation or what to say to her. I’ve tried to talk to my boyfriend about it, but he doesn’t seem bothered, passes it off as “oh it’s just a stupid post” , and doesn’t see why I find it upsetting? There have been several of them. “When your brothers wife says your family started all the drama — the land of make believe” “When your brothers wife thinks she’s punishing the family by not coming over - hahaha F off” “When your brothers wife alienates him from the family and wonders why they’re never invited to anything” As far as I’m aware we’ve never had any drama and I’m the one constantly making an effort with them for my son, they don’t even call or text to ask about him , never asked how I was after giving birth, they just discussed amongst themselves and set a date to visit less than 48 hrs after I’d given birth & didn’t even ask us… just text to say they were coming on such and such day… They then accused me of withholding contact because I didn’t send photos for 3 weeks, yet never once reached out to my BF / me to ask how any of us were or for photos during that time… my baby was barely just 2 months old and I was super tired and recovering from major traumatic emergency c section! What would you do if you were in my position? Address her or leave it?

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My fiancé's sister is exactly the same, except she directs her hate at him as well. But I was in the same situation, his sister was making snide digs at me, using hateful nicknames and when I had a miscarriage made it about her. My Fiancé was unwilling at the time to say anything (although he has since cut her out of his life) and I thought I've let her treat me like this for too long, I'm the fool if I let it carry on so I texted her and told her exactly why I was upset, I wasn't rude or unkind, I just explained why I was upset. Its a shame when the men in our life don't stick up for us but sometimes you have to get your hands dirty, she's being passive aggressive and it's really rude. The other thing you could do is perhaps have a word with his&her mum and perhaps tell her what's happening? X

Ps. My sister in law didn't even contact us when I had my daughter even though we asked her if she wanted to be in her life and she's refused to be involved.

@Kate I’m so sorry you had to go through that and especially whilst dealing with a loss. Sadly his mum is a piece of work and has also become really rude to me lately, she doesn’t even call to see how her grandson is! Really just find his whole family difficult but he is so chill about it all. Just says everyone has their own lives . I fully get that but as the first grand baby / nephew on both sides of the family I thought they’d make a bit more of an effort considering how defensive they were and quick to accuse me of “withholding” if that makes sense. X

Honestly I don’t think you should make any special effort with people like that. I wouldn’t broach the topic, it’s clearly her being passive aggressive so just don’t rise to it, I don’t think you should make any extra effort with them but just keep it civil when you see them. I hope your side of the family are a lot more sound, because his side sound like losers, baby is better off without that drama - keep it civil, you’re the bigger person, ultimately haters are gonna hate whatever you do and it’s their own sad energy their using up, don’t let it affect yours

Thank you 💗 Oh Christ, his mum too? In that case I agree with the other lady and just rise above it but if it starts affecting you mentally I would definitely think about saying something. My father in law hasn't even met my daughter, she's 5 months old and he won't make the effort to visit...the reasons being "he doesn't do kids" and "he's seen photos so he doesn't need to meet her". I know how frustrating it is, my Fiancé was really chill about it too, he didn't want to say anything or get involved but it got to the point where I was getting so upset that he had to step in! If you need to chat feel free to message me my lovely x

I wouldn't stand for any behaviour like that personally, if the signs are there then it'll be worse behind your back and will probably get worse. We're currently no contact with my in laws. They've crossed boundaries since the beginning, we finally spoke to them about it nearly a month ago and their reaction shows that they don't see me as anything more than their grandchild's incubator. Apparently my thoughts and feelings are childish and trivial, I've only ever let them see their grandchild when I want something and they never know what mood I'm going to be in when they visit. In reality, they've seen her loads and there was just one occasion when I specifically asked them to come over because I needed some help and had loads to do. There were a few occasions they turned up with little to no notice when I was very freshly post partum (and generally a bit too often) so like yeah I'm not really focused on being a happy smiley hostess for you when I've literally just pushed a baby out 🙄

Whether you say anything or not, focus on surrounding yourself and spending your time with people who treat you and your boyfriend with just as much importance, love and care as they do your child, not people who only care about themselves and your baby. It's hard enough being a new mum and your "village" is about quality not quantity. 🩷

Absolutely wouldn’t have them around my kid, that’d be no contact for me tbh.

@Skye luckily they all live 2-3 hrs away and haven’t bothered to see us since meeting him at 3 weeks old, which was just a glorified photo opportunity for them tbh. if it were up to me they wouldn’t have met him at all, they weren’t very nice during my pregnancy, and treated me appallingly after the birth.

They sound like a bunch of dickheads tbh. And I’m glad they live a while away from you!

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