Husband is a pessimist and sucking joy out of our lives
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Maybe you could suggest going over finances once a week or once a month so you guys can stay on the same page and track your progress and make a plan together. That way he won’t have to keep bringing it up and bringing you down when he does. As far as the puppy goes I kinda agree with your husband, puppies can be expensive even aside from the cost of actually buying it, vaccines, unexpected health issues, constant food so I would personally want to at least have a clear plan to pay off debt before adding more to my financial plate
@Kathryn thanks so much, he’s not the only one earning right now And believe me I’m the same I HATE the fact I owe my in laws. And they’re the kind of in laws who remind you! But the money we owe them there’s just no way we can pay them off quick enough without stopping living our lives for the next 10 years. Genuinely. And I’ve tried to make him understand I didn’t accept their offer to loan us money for it to be held over us like this. And I have told him he needs to speak to someone which he agreed I’m just so fed up of hearing how every single thing is negative Everything is a £ sign in his eyes I don’t want to live like that People die early, get cancer all sorts! I don’t want to wait until god forbid that happens to me or us for us to actually see what’s important in life We can save & be cautious with money but also fill it with love at the same time! Why does it have to be all or nothing Why can’t we do both? Life’s too short to just constantly obsess over money
Get the puppy !!! 🐶
I would get the puppy but that me. My dog from college passed and the puppy my husband gor when before we married, but were together was really close to my dog (essentially her shadow). She became so depressed since her passing so after some time we got a puppy and her spark is returning 🥰 Now Hubs, i agree. Come up with a budget plan and meet together monthly to go over y'alls expenses. Have goal plans on the debt and what y'all would like for the future etc. Habing budget plans ans seeing it all in front can ease some things.
@Autumn that’s a good idea thanks as he has a spreadsheet that he keeps That I have no involvement in because he doesn’t give me any! So I don’t see the numbers And I don’t see a puppy as a financial impact We’re planning to have a second baby for reasons which is a bigger financial impact that he also isn’t that happy with? Nothing makes him happy if it involves money He comes from a well off family Where he’s an only child and never had any responsibilities. To now a life with me where we have some debt and we’ve enjoyed life and now wanting to settle and add more beings to love! But all he cares about is having savings I’m the opposite I care about savings yes and having money for a rainy day but I also care about enjoying life before it’s gone! Because it can just go We’re not promised tomorrow. And that’s not a pessimistic outlook on life It’s a realist look on life I’m accepting of it but I’m not wasting it constantly worrying about money
Idk financial concerns are a big reason a lot of people get divorced. I'd try to find some middle ground. It's not fair to any of you to be miserable because you're in debt. At the same time, puppies can be expensive. It's another mouth to feed, vet bills to pay (especially for vaccines in the beginning), possible training, and other costs. I would sit down together and outline a plan to pay the debt but also to reserve some money to live your life. You also want to be careful not to fall into a trap of the debt is so much, so this cost is negligible because that can easily mean thousands more in debt when "negligible" costs add up.
Yess I totally agree with your philosophy of enjoying some of life’s small pleasures because you never know what will happen! At the same time since you said you have no involvement in the budget or finances mayyybe things are a bit more tight than you realize and your hubby is feeling a ton of pressure to get everything on track and it’s coming across bad when he talks about it, like how Kathryn explained. Maybe also if you show interest in the finances and do the monthly or weekly skim over it will relieve some of the mental load on him and him knowing that you’re on board will maybe make him less likely to bring it up constantly out of fear he has to remind you or something. You also have a right to know what your family budget and finances look like, so sharing in some of that will probably help what’s going on regardless!
@Autumn but I do have some involvement We share our money I earn just as much as him he’s not the breadwinner But I don’t obsess and look over our finances everyday? Which is what he does! First thing at work everyday he looks over the spreadsheet It’s not healthy
Ohh haha I thought when you said you have no involvement in the spreadsheet he keeps you kinda meant you weren’t involved in any of the tracking my bad! I hope you can get it figured out and your hubby can get on board with not making it a sore subject 💞
Ohh in that case then it sounds like it’s a weird thing he has with money. We tend to get our relationship with money from our parents and it sounds like his are funny about it too. My husband when we met had quite a different outlook on it and we’ve had lots of conversations to find more of a middle ground which has helped! If he’s super worried about the debt maybe you can agree on a suitable amount to pay off monthly so you can enjoy your lives whilst also chipping away at it to ease his anxiety? Hope you guys can figure it out!
He’s not being a pessimist and sucking the joy out of your lives he’s being a responsible adult and a good husband and father and you sound like you’re acting like a child. You two are in debt, you just got married, you owe money to his family and you just got unexpectedly pregnant, no, you should not get a puppy! Pay off your debts, prioritize your child and accept that sometimes you can’t get everything you want.
@Sarah ok Karen!
This is interesting, as I always wondered why people get into debt for weddings /honeymoons, seems like a very stressful way to start married life? You mentioned you would need to work 10 years to pay off the debt to his family…girl how expensive was this wedding??! Maybe it’s just me but if someone owes me money but they were buying unnecessary things in the meantime, I would be bothered.. I don’t know what the understanding or agreement was with the in-laws re returning the money but if I was struggling financially I really would live very humble until we got into a better situation. I think money worries can be very damaging to a relationship and I can see both sides here but i probably agree with your husband re not getting another dog.
I think you need to talk to him. It sounds like you both have different values when it comes to money which can be really tricky to navigate. I agree life is too short and it’s draining being with someone who is negative. I imagine from his side a puppy isn’t essential if you’re in debt, it adds to it whether it’s a huge debt or not. Did you both agree with his parents how you’d pay them back when you had the loan from them? I wonder if he’s thinking how this could look to his parents? It shouldn’t matter if his family is well off or not. At the end of the day it’s their money which they would have worked hard for at some point, just like you’re working hard for yours. And perhaps it looks like you don’t have your priorities right/ you’d rather add to the debt than pay his family back? Really hard situation. I’m sure you can work through it if you’re both crystal clear with each other though. It’s too easy to walk away x
Don’t want to jump to conclusions here but is he the only one earning right now? If so then he might just be feeling a lot of pressure to give you everything you want but feels like he is drowning a bit. Some people don’t cope well with debt (I’m one of them; can’t stand the feeling of owing anyone anything!) Have you tried talking to him about how it’s bringing you down? And listening to his side of things? If he is feeling like he’s drowning then his priorities may be different from yours, e.g. wanting to feel a bit more afloat by paying off the debt rather than getting a puppy. It seems like he doesn’t want to disappoint you so he’s holding it all in but then it’s coming out as negativity. Of course I could be off the mark, just offering a different point of view!