Help

I’m honestly at my whits end in my marriage and I’m seeking advice from anyone who has any to share. My husband and I are parents to three small children which I stay home with , throughout or relationship I have been the one expected to order groceries , plan meals , take care of the kids , wash & put up the dishes , cook dinner and clean dinner up , wash and fold clothes , keep up with household inventory. Which is extremely mentally draining taking care of EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYONE too. I feel overwhelmed, overstimulated. Done. Recently I started working from home & I ask for his help with our kids once he’s off work and he refuses to actually watch our kids , he sits on the game and they of course get into things and make a mess which makes me annoyed because IF he actually watched them they WOULDNT be doing the things they’re doing. Same goes for when I run errands , my house is a disaster when I come back home because he wasn’t actually watching the kids. Like just now I was in the restroom and our infant was crying at the bathroom door (I couldn’t get him because I was using the restroom) my husband wouldn’t get up to help our child because he was in the ‘middle of something on the game’ this makes me furious which he says ‘it’s no big deal see everything’s fine you made a big deal out of nothing’ which to me it is a big deal. He feels as if he ‘never gets time to himself anymore’ and I tell him he does , he plays video games ALL weekend only gets up when I bitch and complain I need HELP with our kids. My toilet has been broke for 3 YEARS because he refuses to fix it , he’s not busy , he’s lazy. If he expects me to do EVERYTHING ‘house related’ then he needs to do more then pay the bills. I told him like when I cook dinner you clean dinner up We fold and put clothes away together , his excuse : it’s the weekend and my friends are finally on..(the game) If you see we’re getting low on something then go ahead and order it or add it to the Walmart account.. his excuse: you’re the one that usually does all that pick up your dirty clothes and put them in the laundry basket. His excuse: we don’t have a laundry basket in the bathroom. I feel frustrated.

Show your support

Stop doing certain things, give him lame excuses .

Hey Sis, would you be able to afford a maid maybe once or twice a week? If he is refusing to help maybe hiring someone will help relieve some of your stress.

Totally feel you with this. There is a way to balance all of this and for him to have time for himself but if he has time for himself he needs to give you time to yourself so every other weekend on one day, he games, on the next weekend he should have kids and look after your house whilst you do something you want to do. Compromise, you’re supposed to be a team and he is massively taking advantage. He also should want to look after his kids. People don’t know what they have until it’s gone. I’d say therapy but if he’s not willing to go then things aren’t going to change and he’s letting both you and your children down by living this way. Also with the gaming thing I’d say it’s extremely unhealthy to be gaming all day every weekend. I understand when people just want a lazy day but there should always be 1 on 1 time with your kids(not you but he needs to do more 1 on 1 time). It’s extremely vital to building a healthy relationship with them, keeping them happy

And also setting examples. Your kids will see he didn’t answer to their cries, your kids will see him gaming all day instead of interacting with them, they’ll see you working your @ss off and doing the best you can for them. But those things are all setting examples to them and will often give them a lot of trauma in their future or they will see it as normal because it was what their dad did. And they shouldn’t have to think that way because it’s not normal. His behaviour isn’t normal. And I’m really sorry that he’s acting like this. All his excuses are really unacceptable

Sounds like you have 4 kids 😔 unfortunately men like this never change until it’s too late, so you need to decide if you want to put up with it forever or start making a plan to leave him. My partner is exactly the same and I think most men are like this tbh

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