Feeling guilty

I feel like a bad mom because I feel in some ways being a mom and my LO has ruined my life. Before my child I was going to a university, was in clubs, had friends, had hobbies, had a job, in the gym. But now I’m a sahm, in debt, no money, I had to drop out of school and went to a community school, I can’t hang out with my friends due to not having the finances or the time, and I feel like I just lost myself. I get so upset because I’m only 21. I feel like I’m too young to not be living life, I feel like I’m missing out. Day and night I do the same routine every day. I feel dead, I feel drained. I just imagine what my life would be like without my child and how much more vibrant and fun it would be. And I have that thought of how much my child ruined my life. I feel so guilty for thinking that though it’s just making me feel terrible 😞

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I’m also experiencing this same level of guilt over the same reasons. But I’m 26. I feel tied down and like I’m drowning and I just want my freedom back. But I keep trying to tell myself this is just a phase and once he’s walking and running and able to play and make friends that things will be easier. Idk though people say it never gets easier it just gets different. I don’t think my child ruined my life though, in some ways I think he saved me. But it’s still so tough battling that guilt of feeling like you’re not good enough and that you want your old life back but this is an opportunity to grow into your next phase of life. You’ll never be who you were before but that doesn’t mean you won’t ever get to do what you used to again. You’re a mom now, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of who you once were. We just need to look into ourselves and try to appreciate this new phase. Easier said than done. I’m still struggling trying to find a better perspective on what my life is now.

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I promise you’re not the only one that feels that way and you are not behind at all! I had to stop comparing my life to others and just focus on what’s in front of me because we can’t all do the same thing at the same time. Every accomplishment is a good one no matter how small or big.

honestly, coming from someone who was a single mom from 20-22 and lost all of my friends and only had my LO around - hobbies. hobbies you can do around your LO, free hobbies etc., spotify has free audiobooks, depending on how old ur kid is- geocaching with your LO, build or decorate a dollhouse (there’s usually crappy ones on facebook marketplace for cheap that you two can fix up together, things that get you doing something even if it’s small will give you little pieces of you back. it’s not gonna feel the same as before you had a kid but i think you’ll find that little slices of a you centered event will fill parts of the void. it does get better though, i promise.

Hey girl sorry your feeling this way, before I got pregnant I decided to stop doing many of the things you listed but again having a child I still feel the same guilt, mainly because I am bitter about how the fathers life hasn’t changed as much as mine did, but you know what you are doing a great job and they will grow, eventually you will get your life back, 21 is still very young ( I am 23 btw) we still have time to do everything we want, degree, job, etc it may take longer for us but we still can do it❤️🙏🏾 sending love❤️

I think in some ways we do lose a part of us when having kids. I realised how much I'm struggling with day to day life being so different and how drained I feel all the time both physically and mentally. Honestly, speak to your health visitor or doctor. I just got diagnosed with post-natal depression, and honestly telling those around me how I was feeling has been a huge help! I know my doctors and HV have been super supportive since speaking to them, you could always go down that route too because speaking about things can and does really help! I'm a SAHM too, although I'm 28. Life can feel lonely sometimes, but I know when my girl is up and walking we will be able to socialise easier. All will get better in it's own way 🩷

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