Advice

Let me know if you figure it out 🤦🏼‍♀️😭

try to look at the way you're communicating. for example instead of saying "you're not doing anything to help me feel appreciated" you could say something like "I feel like a lot of what I do goes unnoticed and it's discouraging." and just kind of reframe it from being accusatory to being more along the lines of venting frustrations, and go from there

Use "I feel" statements "when you".... It's important to bring it up from your perspective, how you feel. How it affects you. Also avoid words like always, never, etc. Many people will say you always do so and so or you never do so and so. But if they have done it even once, then it's not never or always. So you'll want to phrase those complaints as you do this sometimes... Or you don't do this enough. Or 90% of the time. Etc. Examples of I feel when you statements: I feel unappreciated when I clean the house everyday and you don't recognize it. I feel sad when I take the time to do my hair and makeup and dress nice when we go out and you don't compliment me. And then you could follow up with what you would like to occur or be said instead. Be open to compromise and try to reach an understanding and solution you can both agree on.

@Sarah it's funny that my name is Sara too and I just said something very similar lol

What Sarah said and to add on, maybe instead of an “I feel unappreciated when I clean the house and you don’t say anything” you could flip it to “you know, it makes me feel really good when you take a moment to appreciate when I clean the house, I try hard to keep everything nice for us and a hug and a kiss and a thank you would feel really good when you notice it” Hard for them to get defensive or say you’re bitching/criticizing when you phrase it as telling them what you want them to do instead of what you feel like they’re not doing.

I would approach the wording from a positive end. Instead of focusing on what the person is NOT doing… state the positive and reward it. “Hey when you say things like… xyz… it makes me feel so loved and appreciated and it really encourages me and makes me feel motivated to keep doing better” Because even in an I feel statement about “I don’t feel appreciated when…” the other person is most likely still going to see it as an attack on what they are doing wrong… but when you simultaneously give them encouragement and point out HOW it impacts you positively in a way that can also benefit them too from that… they will be more likely to remember it because it is a reward in their brain. REWARD works better than anything else. And the dopamine will keep them wanting to do those things more You won’t have to mention the negative criticism that may backfire and the person may just automatically deflect and defend…. But also it encourages them in their own character building like “oh man…

… the good things I say actually do matter. When I say positive things.. it’s not just a meaningless compliment to them.., it actually has an impact.” And that feels really good to the brain. So approach from the positive side of what you want them to do and how it makes you feel in a good way and avoid the negative statements as much as possible if the conversation allows And even say things like “I love when you do xyz and say these things… could you remind me more? Could you remember to tell me more because sometimes I forget and get down on myself” Now that other person feels encouraged and on a mission to help you instead of both of you feeling bad about the situation. You feel good for stating your needs and they feel good that they know the solution to help you

I don’t know but I need to figure it out

Janis and Zoe are spot on 💯

I really appreciate everyone’s help! I’m definitely taking every advice/tip❤️