I am so sorry you are feeling like this. Minds can tell us terrible things about ourselves. Though it may feel true right now, keep going and I bet it won’t always. Keep taking one step at a time. I hope you will talk to someone more about how you are feeling - a friend, family, doctor. Or a hotline number like 988. They’re available 24/7
I'm learning that being kind to yourself and liking yourself are skills to practice. Start small - find tiny moments to be kind at times when you usually have a negative thought. Catch that thought and change it. It will take time, but slowly you will rewire your brain. I believe that everything else in your life that you don't like will change if you learn these skills. Don't rush it - treat it like the continuous practice that it is. You CAN do it!!!!
https://988lifeline.org/
Trust. You're not the only one who beats themselves up