How to Date Yourself and Why It Matters

Whether you’re a single mom, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, we see you.

We see your hard work, your dedication, and your good intentions.

But we also see your exhaustion, your self-doubt, and your longing for a little something extra— something for you.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to take yourself on a date.

Because let’s face it, you deserve romance in your life, even if it means dating yourself.

That’s why we’re having the conversation on how to date yourself, why it’s good for you, and how it can transform your confidence and overall well-being. 🫶

Ready to put YOU at the heart of your love story and embrace that main character energy?

Let’s dive in! 🏊‍♀️

In this article: 📝

What does it mean to date yourself?

Dating yourself doesn’t mean you’re swearing off relationships or living the hermit life (although, let’s be honest, an evening alone can be quite magical 😉).

It’s about actively taking time and space to connect with yourself, just as you would with a romantic partner.

Think of it as fostering a meaningful, loving relationship with the person you spend the most time with—YOU.

Dating yourself essentially means nurturing your own needs, wishes, and wants and, in the process, deepening your understanding and love for yourself.

Talk about setting the bar!

And it doesn’t require huge romantic gestures either (although we support these too).

Stepping out for a solo coffee date, enjoying a quiet afternoon with a book, or heading for a peaceful walk to clear your mind are all solid self-date ideas.

As long as it involves embracing your own company and savoring the moments you spend with yourself.

Why is dating yourself good?

When you put the focus back on yourself, it’s amazing what can happen.

You might discover passions you didn’t know you had, or you might learn something new about yourself.

You can explore your own desires without outside influence.

Most importantly, it gives you a space to be you and serve you unapologetically, without obligation to anyone else—kids or partners included.

And this matters when you factor in the disturbing trend of women consistently putting others’ needs above their own. 😩

Gender has long played a role in how women see themselves—how they cater to others at work, at home, and as parents to the detriment of themselves.

A 2022 survey by CVS even found that despite them making the majority of healthcare decisions for their families, 38% of women postpone or cancel their own health appointments.

Unsurprising when you consider the gender bias and blindness that still exists in medicine today.

And this failure to build women into research extends to studies on work and family stress, too, with men often setting the tone for how most genders are treated.

Of course, this can impact how you relate to yourself.

But when you date yourself, YOU set the tone for all the relationships in your life by showing how YOU want to be treated.

It builds your confidence and self-esteem because you’re validating your worth on your terms.

And trust us, mama, you’re worth it.

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What does dating yourself look like?

So, according to a 2000 survey by Ipsos, 80% of women recognize the value of self-care (we love to hear it).

But only a third actually practiced nurturing themselves and only for 30 minutes (we’d like to hear better).

And according to the same study, one in every 5 women admitted that taking even an hour of time for themselves would make them feel guilty.

On a plus note, 89% of the women surveyed supported other women who practiced self-nurturing and saw it as a sign of good self-esteem—even if they didn’t feel themselves deserving. 💔

It seems the biggest hurdle to dating yourself is overcoming the guilt attached.

But what if we told you that solo dates are not a codeword for self-care of the bubble baths and shopping spree variety? 🛍🛁

This isn’t so much self-indulgence as a chance to rediscover and reconnect with yourself in such a way as to build up your self-worth.

But we want to stress: both types have their place.

As for how to date yourself, that’s as individual as you are.

We list some solo date ideas later but just remember: this is a chance for you to build a relationship with yourself, so do what makes you feel fulfilled and excited.

How do you date yourself in a relationship?

Let’s clear this up: dating yourself isn’t just for single women.

Even in a relationship, it’s crucial to maintain your individuality.

Being partnered up doesn’t mean compromising your personal growth and self-discovery.

Start by communicating your need for this time to your partner and then intentionally setting it aside.

It could be a dedicated night each week or perhaps a few hours every day.

As for the what, this could be going to see a movie alone, taking a class, or eating out.

As long as you’re using this time to do what you love, nurture your interests, or simply be with your own thoughts, you’re doing it right.

A strong, supportive partner will understand your need for personal space and will likely appreciate having their own “me-time,” too.

It’s natural and healthy.

How do date yourself when you have kids

“Taking myself on a date… as a mom? I barely have time to breathe!”

We hear you, even regular dating is a luxury when you’re a mom—single or partnered up.

So, how do you take yourself on a date when you’re juggling errands, diaper changes, and the never-ending to-do list?

Does taking five in the bathroom count as a solo date?

Well, no.

The thing is, self-love is not so much a luxury as a necessity.

Think of it as putting your oxygen mask on first in the airplane safety instructions.

Dating yourself not only recharges your batteries, it allows you to show up for your family as your best self—and sets a powerful example for your kids about self-worth.

Here are some ways you can get intentional with your you-time when you have kids:

• Quality over quantity: Let’s be real, you may not get an entire evening to yourself (especially as a single parent), but there’s always room for a meaningful speed date. Finding 30 minutes to have a quiet tea break just for you is a great start. 🍵
  
• Use naptimes or bedtimes: Sometimes an intimate night in can be just the date you needed—and the same goes for dating yourself. Watch a movie, start a journaling practice, or maybe indulge in a little self-pleasure. There’s more than one way to get to know yourself. 😏
  
• Childcare swap: The beauty of a village is the opportunity for mom friends to swoop in when needed. Why not start a childcare swap with your best mom friend for a few hours each month, and share the wealth of the solo date? 👩🏽‍🤝‍👩🏻

Remember, dating yourself isn’t about huge declarations of self-love—it’s about intentionally setting aside time for you to reconnect.

Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or managing a family, starting small can spell big things for your sense of self.

We’ll say it again, it’s the bare minimum you deserve.

Are solo dates healthy?

In a word, yes.

Solo dates are not a fad, they’re incredibly beneficial, boasting an array of physical, emotional, and mental health benefits:

Reduce stress🧘🏾‍♀️

Taking intentional time away from the daily chaos can help you reduce stress—especially if it’s spent outdoors.

A 2019 study found that spending as little as 20 minutes in nature can lower stress hormone levels.

Lower depression 🧠

Solo dates that involve a hobby could help improve your well-being by releasing feel-good chemicals in the brain.

Research has found that engaging in activities that support learning new hobbies can affect the reward system in the brain and release dopamine.

Boost self-esteem 🪞

Turns out taking yourself out for intentional, well-meaning you-time is one of the better confidence boosters.

Simply put, a solo date sends a powerful message to yourself that you matter, validating your worth in the process.

As long as your alone time is free from the presence of social media (or anyone else), research shows it can potentially help you develop higher self-esteem levels.

Improve emotional regulation ⚖️

Similarly, the same study above shows that practicing self-reflection and self-care during alone time can lead to better emotional regulation.

And it starts with emotional self-awareness.

This forms a big part of learning how to manage emotions—the secret ingredient to excellent leadership skills and top-tier social skills.

Healthier relationships 🫂

Turns out alone time is important for maintaining healthier relationships.

And it makes sense!

Of course, having the opportunity to build self-esteem, release mood-boosting chemicals, and regulate your emotions can improve how you related to loved ones.

And one 2022 study even found that a lack of alone time can actually predict anger towards romantic partners.

See? When you take a solo date, everyone benefits.

But mainly you. ❤️

Solo date ideas

With all these benefits in mind, now is the time to start planning your first solo date!

Stuck on where to start?

Here are some simple self-date ideas to inspire you:

• 🍝 Solo dining date: Dining alone can be scary but also wildly liberating. Try out that new restaurant you’ve been eyeing, or even grab a meal to go and eat somewhere outdoors. And if you’re intimidated, going for a solo lunch date during the afternoon is a really nice way to start.
  
• 🎨 Pick up a new hobby: You don’t need to join a class for this either. Pick an activity you’ve always wanted to try—or one from childhood—and invest in yourself.
  
• ☕️ Cafe sit-in: We’re living in the era of the cozy artisan cafe, so embrace it! Find one that fits your vibe, order your favorite beverage, and settle in. Journal, read, or people-watch—the choice is yours.
  
• 📚 Bookstore browse: Visit an independent bookstore and give yourself time to browse.
  
• 🖼 Visit a gallery or museum: If you’re longing for quiet and a dose of culture, visit a local museum or gallery. The best part? You can take your time.
  
• 📷 Photography walk: You don’t need a professional camera to indulge in this solo date, even your smartphone will do. Exploring the world through a lens is great for helping you stay in the present.
  
• 🤓 Learn something new: Take the time to source and study a new interest or skill. Cooking, gardening, a new language, or even an online course—it only benefits you. You never know where it could lead.
  
• 💭 Self-reflect: Write your values, list things you’ve accomplished, look at the ways your life has meaning. This is your time to appreciate you (without judgment).

Dating yourself isn’t a substitute for romantic relationships—it’s a celebration of the relationship you have with yourself.

And knowing how to date yourself creates a positive ripple effect.

When we show up for ourselves, we show up more authentically and confidently in other areas of our lives, be it as a parent, a friend, a lover, or a professional.

You deserve to feel cherished, mama, and that starts with you.