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@Christina is the joint account things that shared expenses ? Then anything additional for step child just whatever you feel comfortable with spending ?
Not really. We have the utility bills come out of the joint account and I pay for my stepsons after school program and put money in his lunch account from the joint account. Everything else we use the joint account for is random. Sometimes we use it at the grocery store and sometimes we use personal accounts or credit cards. If I am out shopping without my husband I usually use my credit card instead of the joint account card regardless if I am buying things for the whole family or just myself.
When I buy things for my step son it is usually he needs something like clothes or shoes or I am buying presents for Christmas or birthdays. If I am buying something for my daughters and it is something my step son might want too then I buy him one.
I let him take care of the step kids and I’ll offer to help when I can and am willing. But ultimately there not my financial responsibility in my opinion. I think he would agree but I’m curious now and am going to ask his opinion.
@Kels please share his response . I’ve gotten mixed responses and I know there’s not a right answer for everyone but I’m curious because I like to try and see things from different perspectives
Welp he didn’t agree with me. He said we’re together and that means the kids are part of that. I still disagree with him. Told him his kids have 2 parents to pay for things. I shouldn’t be expected to do so. I have my own daughter to worry about. So a big reason behind my thoughts on this is I don’t have the money to support all 3 of my step kids. I also didnt choose to have them. ( I do choose to be there step parent) regardless my priority is my daughter. If I had the funds to support everyone I would but I don’t.
@Kels interesting . That’s where it becomes challenging too because how is it that we have no legal say over our step children but then we are expected to provide for them as if they were fully ours. It’s like people are expecting us to be parents only when we’re needed . But suddenly when it comes to decisions with the kids we’re not parents ..,
I don’t know the “right” answer - but for us, we are a family, all of the kids are OURS. Our money is all together, and we pay everything from that money. There’s nothing really “his” or “mine” about our money and how we spend it. It’s easier for us, and it’s worked for many years. 🤷🏼♀️
My husband is responsible for any of his kids needs outside of child support. I would help if needed but i'm not financially responsible for them. Everything else for our family together I help with. My husband is fine with this and actually it was his thought that I should not be responsible financially.
@Susan i thought i was the only one! i think it’s so WILD seeing all these “step moms” talk about they’re not responsible for their step kids 🤯 my oldest is MY son whether i birthed him or not and when i go shop i shop for ALL my kids my husband would absolutely divorce me if i EVER said only he can take care of “his” kid
@Mariah Blended family’s are complex and everyone has their own way of handling it 🤷🏼♀️ glad your way works well for you and yours.
@Kels exactly that . Bm told me it’s not my job to financially support their daughter let alone buy her things unless it was small things when she’s over like wants (but not needs …)
@Kels yes they are but treating kids like they’re the problem or not your responsibility isn’t a great solution for long term
@Mariah My step kids are older and I had no part in raising them. Maybe if I came into the picture when they were growing up and younger, I would feel more responsible for them financially. However they are teens and aside from birthdays and Christmas, I don't think it's my job to financially support them unless there are money struggles were their parents would need my help. 🤷♀️
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@Mariah you’re just kinda coming at the conversation with judgement and this is supposed to be a support group. No one said our step kids were a problem and I do take responsibility for them just not financially…..
@Kels no i came at the conversation from my standpoint & in support of someone speaking up for taking financial responsibility for all of their kids. you took it as judgement bc it doesn’t align with what you do if it’s a support group like you say then all opinions should be supported also you came at me, i never addressed you
@Sammer different strokes for different folks, for me no matter what age i would’ve entered the picture i would support in all ways, including financial but that’s my way. i also see parenting as a lifelong thing & me as one of my bonus child’s parents i thank you for sharing your story with me!
@Mariah do you have a say in your step children’s life? I think a hard place I’m in is where I’m a mom when needed but when it comes to making decisions I’m told that step parents don’t have a say . So maybe that’s where my disconnect is . Where my opinions matter but at the end of the day decisions regarding anything with sd is between the bio parents …
How old are your step kids? I feel like if they are younger and you are raising them, you should have somewhat of a voice.
@Sammer 13. I feel like I’m constantly told “well mom allows it” or I’m constantly reminded that I’m not bio mom unless it’s suddenly them needing help to fund something . Primarily from my husband but I think the approach is weird for example . If my sd is an extracurricular activity that’s really expensive he’ll say yes to any and everything even if he can’t afford it . Then will turn to me and say he can’t afford his share of household expenses. Or if I pay for a summer break program that’s $1k and sd doesn’t want to go 5 days a week after she said she wanted to do it , he will not try to hold her accountable . But if he paid for it he’d be the first to not pay for something else so it essentially still impacts me somehow even if I have no say in her life it feels like
i absolutely have a say for my bonus son but i also let my husband know in the dating phase it couldn’t work if i didn’t. i’m a very hands on mom & i also came into everything with a child so i let my husband know for him as well he would need to take on the title of dad & he was onboard maybe it’ll help explaining how you feel to your husband? i’m not saying it’s always been easy bc it has not. my husbands ex was nice at first then turned into a bitch for a good two years. she tried hard to drive wedges & cause issues but i had to remember that my bonus son still deserves love, deserves for me to be an adult & not harbor any hatred for him bc of his mom & i also had honest talks with my husband about my feelings bc he sets the standard for how my bonus son sees & treats me always here if you do wanna talk/vent♥️
We have separate and joint accounts. We just pay what needs to be paid and don’t keep score. I buy things for my step son and don’t expect to be paid back because we are a family.