Christmas

Yes. I know that he gets presents from his mom too so ultimately he gets more gifts but he doesn’t know that when he is opening them up with his sisters.

Yes ?

Yes. Even though I guess it’s technically “unfair” because they get lots of stuff at their mom’s, I consider it worth it feeling fair that moment when they’re unwrapping presents in the same room. I always try to err on the side of making them feel equally loved and wanted. I consider extra gifts that they get from her side a small seasonal bonus for having to deal with having two houses, which is hard for kids

I keep things fair. All my kids and step kids get the same amount of stuff. I even do the same amount of presents too. My kids are little and they are older so their stuff cost more so I just try to find equal value stuff. All my kids are getting 7 gifts this year with the same total value. I feel bad for my kids cause as they grow up their sisters are going to get way more stuff since their moms family goes all out for birthdays and Christmas but my step kids will never think I favor my bio kids over them.

What about when stepsons dad family send gifts for our kids to us and for him to his mum

Other people giving gifts is different. If step son’s gift from grandparents went to his mom’s house then I would either tell him that or wait to have my kids open their gifts from the grandparent’s.

My SD does Christmas with her mom separately. Definetely wouldn’t be having him open that stuff with you guys gifts. May be better for later on or the night before privately if him just waiting until he gets back to mom to open them is not an option.

We alternate having her for Christmas break every year but we still let her go see her mom or if she’s with mom she will come see us at some point in the day. And if she doesn’t, then she will come another day or open her stuff when she is here whatever day she is here.

Yes

Yeah because my family bought gifts for my son and not for my stepson I don’t want him to get jealous

My family get the same amount of stuff for my step kids as my kids. I would tell my family they have to do the same for all of them if they didn’t already. If they don’t have enough to go around then don’t get them anything.

No, my kids are 3 and 4. Step son is 17. If he were younger, he would get more but probably not the same amount since he would get gifts from his mom too. But, not something I really have to worry or think about.

@Justice yeah my family don’t do that

Your extended family isn’t required to do anything for your step kids…

@Jasmine I’m happy he gets gifts from mum however I’m talking about when his with us

Why don’t you ask your family to keep it fair?

I’m sorry my family gets my SD a gift too with my other kids. I’d definitely talk to them about that. They call her their granddaughter and everything, step kids shouldn’t be treated any differently by any members of the family.

My sister can’t afford to get something for my stepson so she can only get stuff for her nieces

No . But to clarify , my step daughter and daughter have a 7 year age gap . My sd is 12 I got her a vanity , a vanity chair, and a couple of small items to accessorize the vanity plus other things in her stocking . My daughter will probably get a couple more items to open because her gifts are not as expensive or “as big” as the vanity . I guess what I’m getting at is that age also is a factor because fair doesn’t always mean equal .

I understand that but your kids don’t get to go to another parent’s house and get a whole different set of gifts. But my stepson is almost 18 so I’m sure it’s different when they are closer in age. Also, someone said your family shouldn’t treat your stepkids any different. I somewhat disagree. Your family didn’t choose to add your stepkid to your family, you did so I don’t think they are wrong if they don’t treat them exactly the same.

@Jasmine step children did not choose to be subjected to a double life bc their parents don’t love each other and split up. If your family are good people then they will treat their stepchild the same out of love and respect for their son or daughter who married someone that gave them those bonus children. Treating them differently is extremely childish and not mature adult behavior. That baby will be around for life, it’s wrong to think it’s ok for them to come to their now family Christmas party and watch everyone open gifts but them. And then what.. exclude them from the party so they don’t have to feel left out from opening gifts? That is even worse. I’ve never expected anything out of my family, they just do it bc they’re good people and love my SD and want her to feel special too.

I’m sorry if I’m too direct/blunt but we as stepparents had nothing to do with the stepchild being subjected to a double life. And while there are negatives, there are also positives…like receiving gifts at 2 households. Getting 2 sets of vacations, etc. Like someone else said fair doesn’t always mean equal. Gifts for a teen are more expensive than gifts for a toddler. So does my toddler only get 3 less expensive gifts to match the 3 “expensive” gifts that the teen is getting? That’s ridiculous to me. There are a lot of factors and age is definitely one of them. And yes, while it would be “nice” for your extended family to include a stepchild equally, it’s also not wrong if they don’t. It’s you and your husband’s job to fill in blanks, not your family. Also and you must have a positive relationship with your stepkids, which is good but there are plenty of stepparents that have to nacho for various reasons.

No. It’s his second Christmas/set of gifts and my kids first and only and the age difference is so wide he’s getting older so naturally it’s just less and less anyway

@Jasmine you are definitely right. My family don’t have an obligation to get my step son anything. Some of my family have never met my stepson as when I go on vacations with my bio kids I don’t take my step son. It’s an obligation for me and my partner to feel in the blanks to make my stepson happy.