Am I a terrible person for not announcing my pregnancy online?

I think that’s ridiculous she thinks you’ll overshadow her. I’m guessing she never experienced a loss.

I had a miscarriage about a year ago then I got pregnant with my second baby (who’s almost 2 months old). I didn’t announce my pregnancy via online until I was almost due. I unexpectedly went into labor 4-5 days after I announced online. I didn’t tell anyone else either besides close family and friends and those I would see and talk to often . You honestly don’t have to announce the pregnancy if you don’t want to. I didn’t announce my second pregnancy and kept it a secret because it felt so much better as I didn’t quite enjoy my first pregnancy as everyone knew .

I've had 3 miscarriages. I also didn't announce my pregnancy until past 20 weeks....however, I do see where shes coming from if you show up super pregnant and no one is aware, a lot of the attention will be on you. Especially if you know the family will act that way. No one can make you announce if you don't want to but if she feels that strongly about it, maybe ask if she would rather you just bow out from attending, it's her day.

I do not announce pregnancies online. I have also had a miscarriage so even more so.

Just go to the wedding. People won’t forget why they’re there and she should be busy enough to not notice or care. The internet isn’t entitled to your business. Announce when you’re ready.

you don’t have to tell anyone anything that you don’t want to. adults should know that at a wedding, you don’t make someone else a bigger deal than the bride and groom. anyone who makes it about you is wrong as is, i wouldn’t worry about it. you shouldn’t have to forget about your boundaries in order to accommodate hers, especially if yours are established. you’re not trying to announce anything at her wedding, you just can’t do anything about people finding out if you’re there

not everything is about your SIL so i think its selfish of her to want you to/make you feel like you have to announce YOUR pregnancy. yes a wedding is a special day or whatever but in the grand scheme of things is it really gonna matter on her death bed that you didn’t announce and show up 30 weeks pregnant? no it’s not. she’ll be okay. you have very valid reasoning for not wanting to announce and if she cares about you she’d have more of an understanding. i’m not trying to accuse her or anything because i don’t know the type of person she is but she’s still coming across as very selfish. what about your feelings? your life? if you don’t want to do something then it’s YOUR decision. she could have said (if it really matters THAT much) her feelings/concerns about it taking away from her day without it seeming like she’s trying to control you/ guilt you into doing something you don’t wanna do. i feel like her saying you being there pregnant will “overshadow” her was rude/jealous

@Tina thank you! as far as I’m aware I don’t think she has experienced loss.

@s a r a 🥀 I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Totally valid about waiting to announce! Thank you so much for your feedback. I really appreciate knowing I’m not the only one!

@MK totally fair! Thank you for your feedback. The hope is to go for the ceremony to support them and leave asap after without really talking to anyone.

@Ema thank you! I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

@Jennifer that’s the plan! Hoping to go to the ceremony to show our support but leave before everyone gets too rowdy and drunk at the reception

@Haylie thank you! I agree. The reason we are estranged in the first place is my husbands family couldn’t respect boundaries. The hope if anyone says anything aggressive is to just say “I hear you but today is about ______ and _____” and walk away. Thank you so much for your feedback!

@Ella thank you so much for saying everything as bluntly as you did! I needed that. It was a super strange conversation. We took them out to dinner to congratulate them and catch up but then she started demanding we post the pregnancy online and that we reconnect with her family etc. I haven’t ever thought she was selfish but now I’m almost hesitating going to the wedding. I won’t let my husband go alone though because he’s also super uncomfortable going. Thank you again for your feedback!

If they were that mature, they would focus on the wedding and NOT make a big deal out of it for that day or let it overshadow the bride’s day. You’re pregnant…30weeks and there’s no control over that itself and there’s also no control over how people will react. If she’s that concerned about it overshadowing HER DAY, then maybe she should reconsider what kind of people she has around or she needs to realize and realize fast that there will be some focus on you(because that’s realistic) and to just enjoy her day . I don’t mean to sound like a jerk because I understand the concern but honestly I applaud you for putting the health of YOU and YOUR baby first . No you aren’t wrong for going to the wedding while pregnant and don’t let them stress you out. Stand your ground and after you’ve said what you said don’t even respond after if you even choose to respond at all to their “concerns”, remarks, whatever they have to say.

Idk why I apologized for sounding like a jerk😂😂..I’m too nice it’s sad lol!

of course, it’s a tough situation to be in but it’s not a small ask that she’s asking you to do. And shes also not doing it in a respectful way either if it matters that much to her. if youve never thought of her as selfish before this situation then she may not understand the gravity of the situation, she might have innocent intentions but regardless it’s still rude to demand someone to announce a very personal and vulnerable life changing event happening in their lives because it best suits her. and to reconnect with people who aren’t in your lives for a reason and share your most precious blessing with them? that’s the part that really bothers me. again she might be clueless to how the situation looks but she doesn’t look good in it. i wouldn’t want to go either with her acting like that but do what’s best for you and your family, if she’s being too stressful it’s okay to not go you don’t deserve that. hoping the best for you❤️

Not at all! You do what’s best for you

@Nina🤍 aww thank you! You are the sweetest! My husbands families emotional immaturity was one of the big reasons we are estranged. Thank you so much for your feedback!

Perhaps just don’t go?

Or wear baggy clothes lol

I didn't announce my pregnancy to family until I was 20 weeks, and I did that with all my pregnancies. You're not entitled to share your life with anyone, especially online. If you're on my social media and know that I have children, it's because we are close in person. I have never posted about it on any social media page or ever shared photos of my children.