Would you resent your husband for traveling for work?
Show your support
I wouldn’t put up with that long term. A year is a long time… Either we all move so he’s closer to work or he gets a new job close to home, or some other compromise. Kids are half his responsibility even if you’re a SAHM, you’re not a 24hr SAHM just like he’s not a 24hr employee. Also, there’s a strong need for companionship in a marriage and being present is important.
^^ i agree with finding some kind of compromise if possible so that everyone can feel like their needs are being met to the best ability possible. but its also hard to answer without truly knowing & understanding your situation. is this the most secure & financially stable employment option for him? if so i wouldn’t hold resentment cuz hes doing the best for his family & i know from my experience my BD was big on being a financial provider (also because of morals he was raised on having an old school very catholic italian family, his nonno immigrated here & worked tirelessly to buy land & a house & send money for his nonna to move here once he established everything for them which took almost a year) everyone’s viewpoints are different, everyone’s situations are different.
No. He is doing what he needs to do to provide for our family. My husband and I were apart for 8 out of 9 months of my last pregnancy because he was working. It sucked, weekends together would have been AMAZING! We got to spend about 5 days together total during my pregnancy after his job started. Long term, my husband would look for a different job. Him being gone every day would bother him more than me. He hates being away from me and our kids. Or we would move. That’s actually what we did after my second was born. The kids and I moved to St Louis where he already was.
best advice i can give from the description you gave of the situation, is to find time on the weekend to sit down & talk with him or set a chunk of time one night through the week to have a phone call & open conversation with him about how the situation is making you feel & try exploring other potential options together (moving closer to where he’s working, him finding a different job that allows him to stay closer to home, etc) talk about it and explore pros & cons of all the options & weigh out what is the best situation for the two of you as partners as well as your LOs. & always remember its you & him as a team vs the problem & not you vs him
No I wudnt resent him cuz thats what ur agreement was. What exactly is there to resent him for? My Husband HAS to work, he leaves from 7am-7pm erryday & only off on Sunday. It wud be funny if I started “resenting” him for going to work cuz he has to work. Imagine if he said he resented me for staying home & leaving him as the sole financial provider making him work long hrs with no free time etc. how can he resent me for doing what we said we was gonna do lol & his work schedule is one of the many reasons why I’m very careful on when we decide to have another baby cuz it wud be silly if we made the choice of having another kid & I started resenting him for the choices that we both made. isnt this not the life u chose? were ya’ll forced to have a toddler & newborn? Now everyone has to play their roles, so I jus don’t see why u wud resent ur Husband. He goes to work mon-fri cuz he has too, and u take care of the kids cuz u have to. Sounds like u dont like ur role or a bit jealous of his
No, That would suck but that is his job. Depending on the job I would see how you can improve the situation. Maybe move closer. Maybe he needs a different job but jobs that take you away from your family usually pay really good and can be hard to find a different job.
It depends on whether this was a new job he had taken recently and didn’t discuss with you the travelling situation, or whether it’s his norm of being away for work and you thought he would quit/change jobs once baby was here?
Maybe there is more to the story I don’t understand; so when he comes home from work does he not parent his kids etc. cuz Even tho my Husband works from 7am-7pm 6days a week, he still parents his child & makes sure I get breaks. as soon as he gets home from work, our son becomes his responsibility & I’ve off duty, so I can take a break :) cuz he recognizes that I prolly didn’t have any breaks since I’m a SAHM
I would resent him if it wasn't a family choice. A year is a very long time!
I would if it was never talked about. But if we talked about this and this was the plan then no not really. We would probably just re discuss after a little bit
No. Chances are it’s a schedule I was already aware of. Or agreed to. Also matters if I work or not. If he’s doing it to care for us, we’d have to make it work. If I’m working too, I may be a bit overwhelmed and resentful.
But of the freedom vs him
No but I probably wouldn't have decided to have had another baby if I knew my husband was going to be having to work away so much
If he made the decision to do that without a discussion then absolutely, I wouldn't stay in that situation but if it were something you had discussed and agreed on I don't think it would be fair to resent him for it. That doesn't mean you have to be happy with it though, you can change your mind about what's working and what's not anytime and if you're unhappy you need to have a serious talk about what to do moving forwards. My partner is going through the process to enlist in the army and we are discussing it in depth at every stage, if he just went off and made that kind of decision I'd be pissed.
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Trusted by 5M+ women
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Trusted by 5M+ women
If he’s the sole provider doing his job to provide then no
Yes to the point I’d ask him to get a new job. What’s the point if he’s not around for 80% of the time 🤷♀️
No, if he’s bringing in 100% of the household income then I will gladly stay home with the kiddo’s and soak in what time I do have with him when he’s home. Unless he hates his family, I’m sure he doesn’t want to be away he has too because he knows he needs to provide.
Nope, my husband works away and travels all the time. I don’t mind it at all.
It’s like a double punishment for him unless he loves to do it
I would prevent myself from resenting him by communicating my concerns with this situation and coming to a compromise together.
I travel for work myself quite often so why would I?
That's a big ask of you. I am cabin crew and I work about 10-14 days a month (not all in one go) BUT when I am home it's for 3-4 days at a time and I get a block of at least 7 rolling days off a month. That is sometimes hard so I couldn't imagine him only being back two days at a time. Your husband needs to pull his weight when he gets home and not complain (maybe he does!). If it's temporary then at least you have a light at the end of the tunnel. Discuss it with him and let him know it's not viable long term and see what other options you have! Relationships are all about compromise, he needs to work, but you need the support - I am sure you can work something out.
@Sarah how do you manage with your kids when he is away? My kids are small so I don’t have any time to myself when he is gone.
I don’t have much time but it’s okay. My kids are newborn and 2.5y. His work can be anything from a night away to 2 months but we make enough money to make some things easier. He got me a cleaner once a week to help whilst I wfh and we have daycare for my 2 office days. This is a lifeline because we have no family in the country and most friends all left the city during lockdowns, so when he’s gone I’m completely alone. The little help though means I’m comfortable, our toddler naps still for 2 hours and goes to bed at 8pm like clockwork so I get evenings to myself to relax or study. They come with me to coffee lunches, they have been on public transport and out and about since birth so they aren’t fazed by joining in with my life in the city thankfully. It’s tiring some days but it’s for a goal that’s worth working to, so when I get overwhelmed I just think of what we might have in a few years. I do miss running though and going to the cinema xx
I wouldn’t resent him but I would be a sad panda.
I’d be very upset as my son wouldn’t see him much and I wouldn’t want that for him . Also his dad would miss out on a lot xx
Been my life for six months. Please try to avoid it if at all possible it has destroyed our relationship
resent isn’t the word i would use but i wouldn’t be happy with it. i think id feel resentful if he had the choice to be close to home all the time but chose to leave. im sure there are many factors in a situation like that
Nope