Sahm

I know the arrangement you have works for some people and I'm not trying to bash that. But I could never. My husband and I both have access to our accounts and we both have cards. We budget together. Maybe try talking to your husband and see if you guys can come to an agreement about accessing money and being able to get/do things you want to do regularly.

Can you ask your husband for an allowance of some sort weekly? I once felt like this and I told him one day do you know how expensive daycare is, don't you think you should give me a little something every week? He said I never thought about it that way. Since then he's been giving me $150 every Friday. Men do not think they way we do. They need to be told little things. He said you have access to the cards so he didn't think of it

If I spend 35 dollars at the grocery store. I get a text asking what I spent money on lol I had a 50 dollar allowance, that lasted two fridays lol I just want to go back to work. I can’t take it

Wow that seems very unfair. I would definitely go back to work. Figure out daycare for your child and build yourself have an account, build your credit. You can do this mama

You need to tell your husband to give you a debit card and access to the money. If he doesn’t let you, that’s financial abuse.

So when my husband and i made the decision for my to stay home with our son. I didnt want to ask for money. He said its not my money its our money. I have a debit card, i just ask whats in the account and grab what we need.

Ever since I stopped working my husband me his credit card he made two of them , one for me, he told me to use it for whatever I needed anytime I want no allowance or anything. I feel like that’s is how it should be at least for SAHM mom we shouldn’t have to ask, that’s financial abuse like somebody said in the comment

I just don’t want him to feel like he’s failing as a husband. He told me that daycare is too much. My check would only cover daycare and that’s it. I just want to not make him feel like I’m ungrateful.

Can you sit down with him and tell him how you feel? Your feelings are valid too. Try to workout if you can even get a part-time job while he's home to watch baby

We are not ungrateful by having his card or asking for money. Did you know if we were to outsource everything a sahm does in year, that equates to 2.5 fulltime jobs? That’s equivalent to $250k (cleaning, cooking, driving kids around etc) Knowing that, I do not feel guilty having his card and spending what I need to on myself as long as he’s okay w that amount and it’s not putting us in debt and it’s money left over after everything’s been paid for. Know you worth mama. Get that damn pedicure. Daycare IS too much. So realistically he should be paying you at least 1/4 of that, because YOU are the daycare. We are not free. We need money as sahm to survive and the ones w partners are luckier than the single mamas that have to earn that themselves and keep a whole household afloat, themselves.

Being a stay a home parent is mutually beneficial in most families. I stay at home. Because of that, my husband does not have to take time off when the kids are sick or have appointments, ect. His career gets to grow while I mostly take care of other things. All money should be yours too. You need to sit him down and have a conversation.

Not allowing you to have/use $50 without asking you what for is insane. Obviously this isn’t possibly for everyone but, I get $1000k a month, that does include my car payment which he and I both use at this point. (He has an older truck sometimes takes my car because it’s brand new, &idc if he does) he does not ask what I spend the other money on at all. Now if I need more, sure there’s a uh for what? Or like big purchases for the baby (stroller system, helpful appliances) I ask for outright. Trading you being home, just to pay for daycare, is silly. Because then you’re just spending your day, making just enough for someone else to take care of your kid and you be stressed when you come home? That’s a weird trade off and i personally wouldn’t feel anymore “fulfilled” Main point is I agree with everyone else, you need to sit him down and explain. Black and white if you have to of what you do everyday and what it would cost for someone else to do it.

Even if you do part time daycare that might be night. Even if you had to work a little . Adult interaction can also make a huge impact on mental health. I will also say, you need your own credit card/bank account. Venmo?.. sorry but that’s a little highschool! Even if he gives you an allowance, still use a card under your name. You’re doing a big job being a sahm. If he agreed to having a kid, he should’ve also recognized what came with it financially. Also have a conversation about it. It’s very important and don’t delay this. Remeber to remind him you’re a team and not going against him. I appreciate that my husband works but he also tremendously values what I do at home with sahm. He’s spent 1.5 hours with her a day and says he has no clue how to entertain her etc. it’s hard! Good luck, you will make this work!

Being a stay at home mom doesn’t mean it’s your “husbands” money that you need to ask permission to access. You’re a team and you should be involved in the finances, even if you’re not the one bringing the money in. It still belongs to you. I also don’t understand why you don’t have a card to the account? I could understand separate bank accounts if you’re both working, but as a SAHM you’re especially entitled to sharing accounts with him. I’m not bashing on your husband because idk who decided this setup, but you guys should really have a chat about what your shared finances look like

If it helps i stay at home and my husband and I have a loose budget that we agreed on. Anything else we want or need we both ask each other and figure out if it works for us. It’s not his money vs my money, it’s ours. I know that set up isn’t for everyone but it’s been really great for us! I feel so involved and we are making goals together for our future children and life going forward

Personally I would never agree to be a SAHM if I didn’t have shared access to credit cards and bank accounts. If you’re married, there should be no “my money,” it should all be “our money.” He’s only able to bring in what he does because he doesn’t have to do any childcare during the day and can focus entirely on his job. I would have a talk with him. If he refuses to let you have access to money, then that’s heading toward financial abuse. As for making money, could you babysit another child while watching your kids? DoorDash? Work part time at the grocery store or a restaurant on his days off work? Freelance a skill you might have (writing, bookkeeping, graphic design)? Pet sit or walk dogs?