Birth not gone to plan

It's understandable to be sad about your birth not going to plan. Neither of my births have gone to plan and I wouldn't say I have trauma from either of them but do I wish they could have gone differently? Absolutely! With my first pretty much everything that I didn't want or was last case scenario is what I ended up with. Second time around was the polar opposite but still not nothing like what I imagined. Both of my births some would say were traumatic but I just try to remain positive and grateful for both my beautiful babies

@Nicola thanks for your comment. I try to remain positive for the most part as I’m so grateful to have my little girl with me. It’s just every now and then I feel intense disappointment about the birth. I am reassured that these feelings are normal and hopefully with time I won’t feel as sad about it

You’re not alone. I had was the same after my first labour which was incredibly painful from the get go. He was suspected back to back. I had every drug going and it ended up with a spinal and forceps but when I met him it was incredible and all the stress just went. I was disappointed I didn’t get the birth I’d hoped for but I was ok. With my second I planned a vaginal birth and I got one but I had high blood pressure and was bleeding a lot so I was scared. It happened so quickly I didn’t have chance to process it, only had gas and air and I didn’t feel good when she was born. They were poking and prodding me and stitched me up. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone. It took me some time to get my head round. I was just glad I had my mum there with me. Birth is a beautiful but scary process whichever way it happens. Your birth is unique to you and your little girl and we are lucky we have such a wonderful healthcare system to keep us safe xx

You’re definitely not alone Everything I didn’t want happened: had to be induced, baby pooped inside so had to have hormone drip, had to have forceps- was cut and I teared, lost a lot of blood and couldn’t give baby first feed as had to be stitched up. I thought about it a lot those first couple weeks

I still think about my first now and how scary it was I was induced due to pre eclampsia days later my waters broke naturally put on the Drip at 6am then I got to 7cm and they lost his heart rate they forced me to a epidural they tested baby via the blood on his head, within minutes I was in theatre and put to sleep he was born 3 minutes later resuscitated for 6 minutes, it does get better but then I've had another 2 babies one a planned emergency section at 35+1 and my last is 6 weeks tomorrow a planned section at 37weeks first 2 went to nicu for weeks the last I was home 26 hours after birth and I had it really straight forward I'm breast feeding her and in a way the planned normal section no complications no nicu have healed me a little. But that doesn't mean you won't go on to have the dream delivery you want in the future if you plan more but it definately made me more relaxed all the way through and it taught me not to plan anything or have any expectations x

I feel exactly the same, it is completely normal. I had a natural birth the first time and then this time had an emergency c section after hoping for a natural water birth, knowing I will never have the birth I wanted (this is my last baby) is heartbreaking but I just try and think about what the outcome might have been if I didn’t have the section for me and my baby. As mums we put too much pressure on ourselves, please be kind to yourself x

Totally valid feelings and I feel similar tbh. This is my second baby, my first I had a vaginal birth, and this time I had all the typical ‘it’ll be so easy, will fly out, will be so quick’. When really it resulted in 2 days in labour and an emergency c section, I felt completely deflated but I just continue to find positive and comfort that baby is here and safe but I think we’re just within our rights to feel a sense of what if xx

You are not alone. 2 births not gone to plan here - the emotion feels most like grief to me - grieving an experience I wish I'd had (natural labour in my case).

I've emailed the hospital to request all the paperwork from my labour and birth. Just a thought - seeing exactly what happened in writing might help?

@Sarah Taylor yes I’ve done the same. Unfortunately the notes also had some errors and are conflicting with what I was verbally told by the healthcare team so it’s another stress to figure out what happened and I still don’t know what actually went wrong. Hopefully it will be more helpful for you rather than more stress

@Tasha yes grief is probably the right emotion. I spent so long in pregnancy trying to plan for a natural birth so it feels like that was taken from me and I’m processing the loss

@Rachel yes it’s definitely deflating. Having our babies is the most important thing ultimately but definitely a disappointment too for the birth. Thank you x

@Charlotte thank you for the reminder to look after ourselves and I’m sorry you’re experiencing the same heartbreak too. Motherhood really isn’t easy but so grateful for our babies xx

@Laura thank you for sharing your experiences. I’m glad you’ve been able to take something positive from it. That’s very true maybe in the future any birth I have could be better than this one x

Thanks everyone for your responses and helping me feel less isolated with this birth experience 💜

Yes same here.. I had a natural labour in water pool and gas & air, tried pushing for 2 hours and baby head got stuck. Had to be rushed to theatre.. was too late for a c-section so had to have a forceps delivery which caused a 4th degree tear & over 2L blood loss (just from the tear :( ) my baby got taken away from me for 2 hours whilst I got sutured up I knew birth is unpredictable but I also feel sad like you do that things went into an emergency situation at the end.. so thankful too but it is scary to reflect back on