Fostering/adoption

Maybe take a step back from your partner and just be you & the baby for a while to see if they’re something you really want. The baby isn’t in any fault here. Nobody’s really ready to have children, emotionally or financially. Has baby blues or post partum depression crossed your mind? Speak with your HV.

Give the partner up not the baby. The baby isn’t the problem. The partner clearly is. If there’s still a problem without the partner, then maybe it could be you and then yes maybe consider giving the baby up for adoption because there may be better out there for him or her.

I’m not going to say that you should’ve thought about all of this before having a baby, because there’s no point in doing so. The women here saying that are just plain rude—this is supposed to be a support group. Anyway, it’s not selfish to have thoughts like that, but keep in mind that adoption doesn’t necessarily mean a better life for your child. My advice would be to get help for postpartum depression before doing anything drastic.

@Karina it wasn’t meant as rude towards her at all. Things should be thought about before having a baby, within every relationship. I’ve still offered the same suggestions and support as you have 😊 Obviously has come across “plain rude” as you said it did, which wasn’t my intention at all

@Rachel I agree . After having my miscarriage I was soo desperate to have a child just to prove I could have one as doctors all told me I couldn’t . I didn’t know how overwhelming it would be but you’re right

@Ellie I’m currently in therapy and they did say I have baby blues and I’m working with the therapist but it’s like every steps I take working with her when I come home I’m just constantly crying and overwhelmed. I will contact HV aswell to see what support is out there before I make a decision

@Georgia thank you Georgia ❤️. Yes I’m diagnosed with PPD and undergoing therapy but it just feels like it’s not getting any better

I started sertraline when my baby was 6 weeks old, he’s now 14 and I feel so much better in myself. It’s madness thinking back how rubbish I felt towards being a mum. I’m not saying it’s gone away, it’s still in the back of my mind. I’m not suggesting that medication will work for everytime but it’s worked for me. The health visitor helped me attend a “mums matter” group, I’ve only been once so I’m still undecided if it’s for me but made me feel like I wasn’t alone in the world of parenting. Depending where you are, I’m sure there’s something similar in your area. I’m in North Wales. I had to be referred to the group though but unsure if it’ll be the same. Is your partner supporting you enough with the baby?

@Karina I agree thank you karina ,I think I will get more information before making a decision I appreciate your comment ❤️

@Ellie I’m so glad you are where you are it sounds like you’re doing amazing! I was thinking of maybe going on setraline for a short period of time just so that my brain can have a break with all these thoughts .im in Manchester so will ask HV and see what she suggests thank you x

Well then, I'm sorry, but the fact that you only had a baby just to prove that you can just further reiterates my opinion. Your baby didn't ask to be born.

@Karina if people are going to ask a question for opinions, we are going to give them. It might not be the answer they want, but that is their problem, not ours.

@Rachel okay thank you for your opinion 🙂

Do you have an family members that can have bubs for a few days to help your out?

Take a step bad if you’ve had the baby already talk to your health visitor or gp could be a sign of post partum depression or could be form trauma from your parents xx

@Kimberley no unfortunately I don’t have anyone close by they’re all in the us . Baby has been attached to me since birth and I haven’t had a break since . My partner walks Monday to Thursday then he does his business stuff at the weekend so he’s never home either so maybe that’s why I’ve hit this brick wall

@Sarah trueee will message HV Monday x

@Rachel really helpful 🙄

Please ignore the people saying 'you should have thought of that before you had a baby'. I think I was as prepared as it was possible to be both emotionally and financially, but nothing can truly prepare you for having your first baby, and i remember feeling so out of my depth and like I wasn't good enough to look after him. In hindsight I think I definitely had a bit of post partum depression. Please reach out to your gp / health visitor and talk about how you're feeling. Those first few weeks are so hard but I promise it does get better and a little easier. I'm sure you're doing much better than you're giving yourself credit for x

@Rachel she's a new mum questioning her ability to cope. So glad that you didn't experience crippling self doubt when you first became a mum, but some people do. Sometimes it's just nice to show some compassion rather than bashing people who might be experiencing post partum depression 🙂

Had the same thoughts when I had my baby, I kinda of knew I had ppd but wanted to get diagnosed by a dr first. I even had intrusive thoughts. Until one day it got t really bad I decided to start taking antidepressants. 2.5 years later now I’m 99.99% better and happy with my baby boy. If you’re going to therapy don’t stop and think well what you really want to do. Sending you a bjg hug and wishing you to get better🫶🏻

@Amy thank you so much Amy that means a lot . Honestly I think one thing I have heard a lot of mums say is no matter how prepared you are for motherhood there will be times you are so overwhelmed and question yourself . Thank you very much for the reassurance

@Rachel you know I come on this app to seek advice and reassurance as a new mum with no support or mum friends I genuinely feel like I have no idea what I’m doing half of the time but this is the second Individual who on this app has just commented mean things just to be mean. If you don’t have anything nice to say just keep to yourself respectfully ❤️. This is a support group and the immense support I have received from here I can never thank everyone enough because I learned sooo much . I know you may be direct with your replies but have some compassion because you have no idea where the person that is reading your comment is mentally .