Am I being ungrateful? Or is it actually frustrating?

Anyone else find it frustrating that grandparents (our parents) always talk about how much help they had when their children were younger and how they couldn’t have continued to work, earn good money and build a good life for their family etc without the help of their parent’s childcare - and yet are not offering to help in the same way now as grandparents themselves. For context, their parents took care of their children full time as babies/toddlers so they didn’t have to pay for nursery fees and then after school when they were older children so they didn’t have to pay for after school clubs. Our parents work full time but are only doing so to fund an extravagant lifestyle of multiple extremely luxurious holidays a year, expensive material things etc. They don’t have a necessity to work full time to pay for things like a mortgage as they’re mortgage free. So in theory they don’t have to work full time and could reduce their hours. They’re fully aware of how extortionate full time childcare will be for our little one when we both return to work to cover our mortgage and bills. They live very close and have offered to occasionally look after little one so we get time as a couple together but no regular day time childcare like they benefitted from when they were in our position. I’m torn. I accept how times have changed (more women in work now rather than at home with time to look after grandchildren) and I want them to enjoy their money whilst they aren’t too old to travel. Also we knew what we were signing up for when we decided to have children. We knew we would be taking on the financial responsibilities that comes with having children and still decided to go ahead as well as take on a bigger mortgage at the same time. I know we’ll make it work but it’ll be a tough few years financially whilst having to pay for childcare. Perhaps I’m being ungrateful because I know others don’t have that village around them and won’t even have the offer of occasional childcare to have a break and quality time with their partner. Bit of a rant I guess but has anyone else had the same frustration? Am I being ungrateful and need a reality check lol?

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I totally understand where you’re coming from, especially if she has mentioned before that she received so much help but has not offered the same help to you. That must be so frustrating. I’m going through something similar with my mom and I have started to resent her because I don’t feel like she’s really been there for me. But just like you, I struggle with questioning if my expectations are unreasonable or if I’m ungrateful 😭

I think you're comparing your circumstances to that of your parents, so I wouldn't say ungrateful. More of they did thongs their way with what they had on offer, same as you will do things your way. I get that it's sucks a whole lot when it comes to the cost of childcare.

It’s frustrating for you yes but it’s your parent’s decision - your kids are not their responsibility. Crack on as a three, create your own routine and they will slot in in time. I like the fact my LO grandparents are there for fun and quality time not for regular childcare. My mum didn’t work, had a nanny and her parents 10 mins down the road when my siblings were young. Life is totally incomparable now - they also live 3hrs away as we moved 10 years ago. My point is don’t let it get to you and embrace and cherish the time spent. They may take you all away as their treat on one of their holidays :)

"You must make sacrifices for your family" - My MIL What sacrifices did you make? You had a nanny and a maid, and you could work your own hours. Plus all the family that lived with you over the years and on the same street.

Sorry you are feeling in that way. Maybe ask for occasional help and set up expectations with both set of grandparents. Their job is done, you are full grown up. As adults also decided to expand the family and bring a beautiful creature to the world. We cannot impose in our parents our responsibilities, their role now is enjoy their time off and they will decide how involve they want to be in the little ones life. Also the more involve they get or help, the more saying they will have in how to raise your own child. Hope you find a solution that works for everyone and don’t let the grudge get to you when expectations and boundaries were never set on the first place.

Thanks everyone. Yeah I guess I can’t necessarily expect the same of them that they previously received, it just feels a bit unfair. But we have a lot of other things to be appreciative for in our relationships with them and I realise I need to get over that because that’s their decision. We chose to put ourselves in this situation

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