Having babes later in life and family is way less interested in our journey, an unexpected consequence of waiting.

Me and my husband are in our mid-30s and just starting our family with a babe due in April. I have two siblings, one of which has three babes ranging from 8 years old to 4 years. Both of my husband’s siblings have 2 kids, ranging from 4 years to 1 year old. We’ve both been super involved in our nieces and nephews lives and have enjoyed playing that role while we focused on our careers before finding each other and settling down. We didn’t really announce that we were trying so it was a surprise when we announced our pregnancy, but everyone was excited for us. Both families have put pressure on us to find someone and have kids, but the further that we get into our pregnancy it just feels like it’s not even on anyone’s radar that it’s our first babe. I’ve always thrown my sister huge baby showers and sprinkles for her kids and no one has even mentioned a baby shower for us. We just did our family Christmas’ and not a single person even got us a something for the baby. To top it off, my parents have always made my sister’s baby beds for their nursery. My mom mentioned she wanted to do the same for us back in early October when we announced, but I sent her the plans for the bed that I wanted and she mentioned this weekend that she hasn’t even looked at it. I feel like I’m going to end up having to purchase one instead. It’s not like we need the help with things for the babe, but it just feels like because we waited to settle down and have a family it’s just another day, another kid. It’s just other small things like having support with picking out maternity clothes because I’ve never done this. I know everyone is in their own worlds raising their own kids and helping out with current grand-babies but I certainly didn’t expect to feel like our journey wasn’t special. I’m hopeful it’s going to feel different once we have the babe.

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I had kids young & it was a big surprise, but nobody helped me pick out maternity clothes or got my baby a Christmas present before they were born. I think that’s normal. Usual you only buy once the baby has arrived? When are you due? She might be waiting until closer to your due date to do the bed, otherwise you’ll just have a bed for the baby hanging around for ages not being used. My mother in law bought baby’s cot but waited until baby was born, as they slept in a next to me crib for the first six months. I also planned my own baby showers. I think you probably have high expectations as you went above and beyond for your nieces and nephews, which is really lovely you did that, but I personally don’t think they’re doing anything wrong. Also don’t forget that you had a lot more time as you didn’t have any little ones. Your siblings have 2-3 kids each and trust me when I say having multiple children (or even one) is a lot and takes up a lot of your time, especially around Christmas

Perhaps in the New Year they’ll have more time. And I’m certain they’ll be more involved once baby is born as they’ll love your baby as much as you love your nieces and nephews. I was the last to have kids out of my siblings and I just accepted that they wouldn’t be as involved as I had been in their pregnancies/babies as they had their own families taking up a lot of their time!

I’m on my 4th way at 40 and I’ve never had a baby shower or a bed made by a parent I think your expectations are probably quite high. I think it’s nice if people do things for you but it shouldn’t be expected. Most people buy baby things and clothes once they arrive. Plus I think most people recovering from childbirth and life with a newborn are quite happy to receive gifts once baby arrives. If you want help choosing out maternity clothes maybe ask if one of your relatives would like to go shopping with you as you would like to buy some maternity clothes?

I'm so sorry to hear this and I feel like if after the holidays if things don't change you should say something, especially to your mom I wonder if you're just not that far along so maybe they feel it's too early with you being older Hope it all works out

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