Partners help

Is it just me who struggles to accept how little men seem to do? Ever since the baby has been born I’ve struggled with how little my partner gets involved and it’s just got worse as he’s gone back to work. He doesn’t help with nights, sleeps in a separate room, hasn’t ever fed baby (initially I breastfed but I’ve expressed and shown him how to pace feed weeks ago) he barely holds him or plays with him and when he has him just seems to try and get him to sleep whilst he’s watching TV or on his phone. I get so frustrated at how life is so normal for him. I go to bed around 20:00 with baby so he gets home at 18:00 he makes tea and then he has the whole evening to himself where he watches TV, goes for a run, relaxes and then has a full nights sleep and goes to work. Every time I speak to other mums they all seem to be like yeh my partner is the same I just get on with it etc but I really struggle to accept it and I can’t seem to keep my mouth shut so it causes arguments! How do people just ignore that this baby is half their responsibility but they just do so little? He came in the other day to ask if he could go out with the lads in a month and I literally retorted “I do it myself anyway so what difference does it make” since then he takes the baby every time I walk in the house (he works from home 3 days per week) but has him literally whilst I take my shoes off acting like he’s giving me a break? I’m so frustrated!

Show your support

This sounds incredibly frustrating and is heartbreaking to read. I’m also having a similar issue and have snapped several times at my partner for not following routines or putting in effort. I’m not sure if this will help but I’ve started writing everything down to get it off my chest. I’ve also started asking a lot more of him as politely as I can and not so subtly showing him how I want things done. I’ve also just handed him the baby and said I’m going for a walk and just left before he can say anything so he has to spend time with him. Always here if you need a rant 😊

This is really awful. I’m sorry your partner isn’t supporting to and that you’re feeling like this. I think it’s quite heart breaking. How was he during pregnancy? Have you managed to have a conversation with him about what support you expect and his role as a parent too? I’m so fortunate that my husband just parents like me when he’s home from work so I can’t give any advice. He’s great with baby and we work as a team to keep ourselves, baby and the house happy. But sending hugs as this would make me so frustrated and sad. It’s not the norm. Maybe 60 years ago but not now. You’re doing an incredible job x

I’ve had the same issue with my husband since going back to work, he thinks life is the same as it was before our little one and he can just come home and chill on his phone, I write everything down and then express to him how I also need help. It got to the point that I just handed my little one over and said I’m done for a few hours now here you go! We’ve started splitting things now, I do bed time he cleans down stairs, if he does bath time I sort bottles out, you can’t do it alone momma! Always here if you wanna rant x

I’m really sorry you are going through that, it sounds so horrible. I am so lucky my fiancé is literally the opposite of what you described, he could not be more interested/involved. It’s hard when they are at work, as the nights can often be when baby is more unsettled but it would concern me he seems so detached from his own baby?? Have you tried to talk about it and cover ways he could be bonding with the baby? What did he expect it would be like/did you discuss it when you were pregnant? What is it like at weekends? I would say just because lots of people say their partner is like that, it’s not what lots of men are like, and you shouldn’t have to accept/put up with that. You’re building a family together and he should be an equal part of it

My partner isn't like this. He helps out where he can. The thing with some men is they need consequences for their actions. If you let him continue on with his life then he has no reason to stop. As sad as that is to say, he may not see the value in looking after the baby. Perhaps isn't bonding, doesn't respect you or is actually checked out. :/ you probably need a serious talk about it. Depends on your country and culture as well sometimes.

Really sorry this is the case, I agree with Louisa definitely not all men- my husband has been an absolute rock for me from timing my contractions on an app to sharing the nights 50/50 so we both sleep (his shift 9-2.30 and then me till 7.30) he is now back to full time work does all the bits I’d do and nips in on his lunch breaks to b line for baby. I think you could show him what some other folk are doing and see if he thinks he’s pulling his weight. I think I’d be pissed but also I don’t know how you could change his mentality with it. Did he say he would be hands on, maybe you just need a proper sit down and hash it all out.

No this is not the norm. Partners must help 50/50 when not at work. Including nights. Unless they are a brain surgeon or a pilot. My partner helps with baby as soon as he finishes work , or not as he cooks a decent meal for us. Then I got up to bed around 9/10pm to start some sleep and he has the baby until 1 or 2am . That way he does the midnight feed , & I do the 4am ish feed . (With expressed milk). Friends of mine have said their partners do 50/50 whilst not at work , also helping in the nights where they can , depending how demanding or stressful their job is maybe Your partners behaviour is shit and not acceptable

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌