Is this abuse? Please comment your thoughts

My baby was asleep in his cot and I dropped a hard sweet in the bed and couldn’t find it so asked my partner to help me look as the cot is next to our bed and I didn’t want him choking on it if he found it whilst we slept. He started shouting at me saying he’d already checked (he hadn’t as I was right there and he hadn’t lifted things like I’d asked) baby was crying and cuddled right into me when I lifted him which he almost never does, he was so so angry and for what? He claims I had him acting like a circus monkey as I asked him to check more than once. Reality is I asked him to check everything once but maybe one thing was partly a duplicate (run hand along the whole side of bed not just what was in reach without moving cot for example). Before I could get my question out of what to check next he was shouting at me and jumping to conclusions shouting “I’ve already done that!!!” I feel there’s no excuse for being so angry and shouting the way he did he was acting like a lunatic. I feel my exes would have been like damn that’s annoying but sure let’s triple check for the sake of our son. I feel sick to my stomach because of him

Show your support

Babies make people’s emotions run high, fights always happen I feel first few months. Maybe he’s been stressed as well? He could def be just taking it out on you which still isn’t nice. Is he always like this or could it be stress induced?

If it just gets worse then he could just be abusive and showing true colors it really depends on the individual but give him the benefit of the doubt for sure. I wouldn’t say abuse, sounds like he’s stressed and you might need to communicate how he’s acting if he can’t see it

@Heidi should have said toddler as he’s 13 months old

@Heidi he has been angry with me every day for years now it’s always something and he can’t help but argue with me or have a tone of voice that conveys disdain every day. He is meant to be living back at his place as I kicked him out at the weekend as he was shouting at me in the car over nothing, but he slept in his car so I said I don’t want you getting hypothermia so sleep here again but clean your flat or figure something out and this is how he acts when he’s meant to be trying to change

Overreacting and an isolated incident of shouting, isn’t abuse. A pattern of repeated shouting, belittling etc could then be classified as abuse. Regardless of if it is or isn’t, you don’t need the label of abuse to leave, if you are unhappy and he is not treating you the way that you want and you’ve tried all you want to fix it, leave ❤️

@Ellie-May it’s a pattern and he’s getting more and more angry as time goes on

@Heidi I told him yesterday how he’s been acting

Yes. Very neglectful. It’s one thing to be annoyed but to still not do it is terrible.

From what you’ve described, yeah it sounds like abuse!!! Do you ever shout at him out of curiosity? I’ve been in a similar situation and it was narcissistic abuse.

@Hashana I maybe shout occasionally but I’m not even sure if I do shout then either but he gets so angry at me and shouts so often these days

Then it’s gotta be some sort of resentment he’s hiding away that’s showing itself, not sure what or why. Or if it’s stresses, if it is getting worse, he’s gotta figure a way to fix it to stop being so miserable for himself and others tbh some people just gotta hear it stop bein so miserable snap out of it you’re fully able to figure a way out

It’s no excuse at all to take anything out on others but it must not feel good to snap at you and argue so often. He prob doesn’t like it either so he’s gotta sort himself out since hes causing issues between you from his own demons. My fiancé says “closed mouths don’t get fed” he’s gotta get whatever he needs to feel better or his issues off his chest

This sounds like my partner. 😣 It is abuse and it sucks. You were RIGHT to check, RIGHT to ask for help, and RIGHT to speak up if he didn’t find it. Those are NORMAL things to do and request and speak up about. But they snap so often at these things, we end up walking on eggshells. 😣 Like you said, the strongest reaction any parent should have could be mildly grumpy because they’re tired. But still like, he should get over it and be glad you’re looking out, and he should be invested in keeping his child safe from hazards! 😫 Mine has dismissive avoidant detachment.I’m working on getting him to go to therapy. I will see a therapist this week myself who specializes in attachment disorders, to see what her take on it is, and to help me cope if he does do therapy (I’m sure it’s a long haul b4 healing). Yours could have that, or just be someone with anger problems, or he could just be a jerk. It isn’t our job to stay and fix them.if mine won’t go to therapy, I have to break up.

PS. Message me any time. I’m so sorry he makes you feel sick. I know the feeling so well. It’s truly distressing and it’s hard to function with that feeling. Also, I know this isn’t my business at all, but think hard before having any more kids with him. I have 3. That’s 3 kids that he’s going to hurt by his behavior. I didn’t know he was like this. It’s been bad this year. I feel sick for myself and my kids. If he doesn’t heal, we are in for so much pain.

It sounds like you're recognizing a pattern of this behavior from your comments. I would start working on an exit plan.

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌