Blended Families
Show your support
It's not about loving them over your own it's about loving them aswell as, and that they are treated the same. My step kids are also older, and sometimes they annoy the living daylights out of me because they don't think about their noise levels etc or can exclude the younger kids, but I think it's more about being aware as parents that this new baby is new to them aswell as us, and while we Instinctively will quieten down or involve the younger ones in our day to day activities because it is a parental instinct they do not have this and it is new to them, and it is something they aren't doing in a daily basis if they have split houses. In my house for example we have a week with the step kids and a week without and it takes a couple of days for them to remember where they are. But then in the week we don't have them, my oldest daughter 8 will get the face on that she still has to tidy her room and put clothes away, set the table, and her step sisters don't, she also doesn't understand...
I completely agree with you and feel the same it's really strange since having given birth to my biological children, might have something to do with the age gap (10years) between doing the baby and toddler stage for my stepson and now opening up that chapter again. But I don't feel as close to my SS as I used to be. It started during pregnancy when I just felt touched out, and used to get the ick when he would try to hug or touch me whilst I was breastfeeding. 3 years later it has felt a bit better but it wasn't like it used to be xx
That they aren't here to do the jobs, but when they do come back they have to do it... They are all treated the same. We arrange days out based around all of them, and they take it in turns picking the activity we'll do that weekend (not every weekend that's not affordable) but you get the jist. They all can the same budget for clothes/shoes/Christmas/birthdays regardless ... But they are not treated any different... But the love I have for my bio kids is unquestionable and unwavering, some days when the steps kids are here or my partner is running round taking them to an extra curricular on a day that isn't ours I feel resentment but I never question my love... But sometimes because they aren't mine I think god this is inconvenient, yesterday for example I had to work from home because the eldest SD was ill, which if it was mine wouldn't have bothered me at all, but all I could think yesterday was (they went back to mum last night) why couldn't she just go home early today and her mum have the day off...
When my baby was first born I HATED being a step mum - I felt so protective and just didn’t want her near her and she annoyed me so much even when she wasn’t really doing anything. It lasted a good 10months I’d say, but it’s got so much better now. And I love my step daughter to death but the love is not the same and that’s okay xx
Oh my word do not feel guilty at all. No one should ever tell you to love sept children as your own…. Because they’re not your own! That’s like asking the step kid to love you like they love their real mum - never going to happen and wouldn’t be asked! Be kind to yourself. You seem to have done well so far. Any concerns with their behaviour going forward sit down with your partner and tell him how you’re feeling and get your partner to address it directly with them xx