Help! My mom is disappointed by how much time we spend together

My mom moved recently to be close to me & my kids. I’m super grateful. Right now we see her maybe 2-3 times a week. Each visit is about 3 hours. We also spend special occasions together (holidays, fun community events, etc.). She’s expressed multiple times that she’s unhappy with how much we see her. And I’ve offered each time to make changes so that we can see her more (extending visits, changing visit times, scheduling set days, etc.) but she just tells me she doesn’t want me to make any changes. I’m just not sure how to move forward. Clearly I’m upsetting her but when I offer to fix it she says no. Any advice? Feeling like a sucky daughter 😔

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2-3 times a week is a lot!! I’ve never seen anyone that much except my husband. I wouldn’t feel bad.

@Jessie It seems like she was expecting to be over every day. So I can see why she’s disappointed! But I’m not the type of person that can do that, yk?

3 hrs 2-3 times a week, sounds more than enough.

@Jasmine I’m trying to fit as much as I can!! It’s hard bc she doesn’t know anyone else here & I’m the only support system

Every other day is kinda crazy in my opinion. To me those are super unreasonable expectations. That’s not on you. That’s on her. Boundaries you know. Try not to feel bad.

i wouldn’t feel bad at all. that’s the most often i’ve heard of anyone’s mom visiting them! it seems like you’re doing all that you can to make it work and she should appreciate how much time you do have with her

Could you help her find community resources to do on days she's not with you? Maybe something at the library or community center.

To me 2-3 days a week seems good enough. If you would also like to increase the time you guys spend with her, you could make her part of your routine at another time of the day, like doing school pick up time and having lunch together. If you don't want to fit in more time together, help her find alternatives to build a social life. Elderly people tend to suffer from loneliness and if she just moved to be closer to you, she is certainly missing some of that.

I would say that’s a lot. Did you ask her to move closer to you? Or was it all her decision? How far was she before?

It sounds like she’s lonely and needs to find things to fulfill her own life and not just rely on you.

Thats a lot for a week . But if you and kids want to spend more time , maybe you can leave only kids at her place for couple of hours and you do your own gym or grocery or just chill at some other place . Depends if your mother can manage kids by her own .

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