Should I have said something

I don’t have the best judgement at times and I struggle with confrontation. Basically I went for my UC appointment today, met my new “work coach” and I took my daughter with me. She did say hello to me and then was greeting my daughter which is fairly usual as people often love to see kids and babies. But then she was asking my daughter not even me if she wants to go to her. Surprisingly my daughter said yes as usually she is shy around strangers. Won’t even put her arms out to some family members of mine. I didn’t exactly know what to do and didn’t want to start anything. It didn’t seem as big of an issue until what it looked like she was showing her off as if she was some sort of accessory. Saying to other work coaches “look what I’ve got” and other comments like that. She even took my daughter’s dummy out her mouth so she could see her smile. But she didn’t give me a chance to do that myself and my daughter was then sitting on my lap when she did this. The thing is, I’ve had bad experiences in the past with different work coaches. They never listen to me, they don’t see me as an equal, some even given me disgusting looks and not made me comfortable. Originally, my partner was coming with me because of this. I also needed him as a witness that in the other job centre I went to, they weren’t doing their jobs and mistreating people, spreading misinformation and lies. It’s a new job centre now that I’m going to, and my partner also said he doesn’t want to have to use his holiday hours to come to the appointments so I said okay that’s fine and went on my own. Now I’ve got to go every month to this job centre with the same work coach. I feel like I should have said something but I felt powerless. I have anxiety too that’s why I struggle to speak up most of the time. The times I have spoken up to people, defended myself and my daughter they’ve threatened to hit me. Not people of authority but some mad people out in the world.

Show your support

I personally wouldn’t have an issue with this, I’d much rather them make an effort with my child than not acknowledge them. But if this made you feel uncomfortable I’d either not take her in for future appointments (if you have somebody to watch her) or keep her in her pram entertained with something and just say you don’t want to get her out as she’s quite content at the moment?x

No one and I repeat NO ONE has a right to touch/pick up/handle your child without YOUR permission. I don’t care if it’s royalty, a family member, a doctor or anyone. They ask for my permission first. As you wouldn’t want confrontation and I wouldn’t encourage it, I would say you do need to stand up for yourself to a certain degree. If not for you, but for your daughter. Put her in a pushchair, give her some toys/snacks and completely refuse to let anyone you don’t feel comfortable with from going near her. Or don’t take her there at all. You got this 🫶🏻

@Nire it’s just the fact it’s a stranger who even id never met before. If I had previously then it would have been another story and the fact she didn’t ask she was just ready to take her from me and also by asking her she doesn’t really understand what she is comfortable with yet or not completely. She’s 2, and I just feel like she was tired so she gave in if that makes sense? If she was energetic I don’t think she would have wanted to go to her. It just gives me the ick I guess to show off a kid like she did. Oh and she also wouldn’t want to stay in her pushchair as she gets restless and loves to walk

@Tiggy’s Mummy thank you for understanding I feel the same way and I agree. I am trying to speak out more and I’m more comfortable speaking out with family members or friends as they are usually understanding. I just can’t get over some of the past experiences yet. She also won’t sit in her pushchair if we are still, even with snacks or toys as she loves to walk, she’s very independent in that sense. I don’t have anyone that could look after her whilst I go apart from my partner but that would mean using most of his holiday hours for the year which I agree he shouldn’t have to do. They always book me through the week when everyone is working and if I ask to change a date or time they tell me no

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