My house

I think I've always believed i would be more authoritarian "my house my rules" But.. what helps more is if children understand WHY, if you get me? I.e; they've messed up/left rubbish in a shared space- theymust clean it up. They protest.. You tell them they made the mess, they will clear it up. Simple as that. If you made a mess in their room, you would clean it up. Talk about taking responsibility. We're not overly strict with our (10 y/o) daughters room but she knows that it needs to not be dirty and be tidied semi regularly. If she protests, she is told that this is her space and it's her job to keep it tidy/clean. Between myself and her mother we manage the rest of the house, it is her responsibility to manage her own mess. She always does it 🤷‍♀️ We talk about the real costs of electricity - which is why I ask her to turn her tv off if it isnt being used/ turn lights off etc. Once kids understand the logistical reasoning behind the request, they're more likely to follow through. Personally!

IMO this is a bad way to put it. Yes there needs to be rules and sometimes kids don’t agree. You should explain to them why the rule is the rule. It is their house too and they did not ask to be born.

Ehhh I’m in the middle with this. I would never throw money I spend on my kids in their face. That’s my job as a parent, to provide for them. But I will be teaching them to appreciate it and have them understand that the lifestyle they have is a privilege.

I will never hold basic needs over my child’s head. I became responsible for securing shelter & ensuring subsistence is within it, when I decided to have a child. But like duh there are things that you wouldn’t allow to happen within your home, but it’s not cause you pay for the ability to exist in the house, it’s cause you hold values & boundaries that work for your family.

No we always tell our kids this OUR house. Theirs and mine and hubbys. We all need to take care of the home together as we share the space and all create mess. The only areas that they absolutely are responsible for are their rooms but I do still help them out with that as they’re young. But it’s a collective and as they get older I’m hoping it will be second nature for them to keep any room or environment they use clean and tidy.

ugh, that's a bit authoritarian.

Even if it is my house and my rules, I would rather let them understand the reasons behind decisions. Also explain that there are things that are negotiable and others are not.

My Dad use to say this to me… no contact with him and he’s never met his grandson

If they don't want to help with tasks I always say that I wash clothes for everyone, I cook for everyone, if they can't help pick up toys they maybe didn't play but sibling did, then they are free to cook and wash their own laundry. They quickly get it and help. And I have said my house my rules, as we are adults and rules are to be listened to 🙂

Yes you obviously need to have rules, but to me the whole ‘my house my rules’ is an excuse to not have to explain those rules to your child. Growing up my mother would always say things like that to me and I eventually grew to resent her and not feel like I was ever welcome at home because it wasn’t ’my house’, I didn’t pay bills or contribute as a child so it wasn’t ’my house’. She was very much so ‘I said no’ and screamed at me if I asked WHY she said no. So I’m curious of those who agreed with the post, why you would say things like that to a child that didn’t ask to be here? Why not explain to them that ‘hey we have rules in OUR house’ not ‘we have rules in MY house’

My mom holding shelter & food being provided to me over my head made me develop an eating disorder & made me never wanna be home.

I think it’s ok depending on the age. If they are teenagers alright cause they understand it’s their house too but everything is a privilege. Now to a toddler I would never say that cause you want them to know it’s their house too and they could take that differently and more personal.

I don’t like the “my house, my rules” thing because there’s rules everywhere and we need to follow them regardless.

Our son had his construction toys out the other day, I say ‘not on the furniture because it will damage it , you can use them on your toy kitchen’ When he didn’t listen and sawed our sideboard which put some bumps in it his dad said ‘that is my sideboard you’ve damaged. Mummy said use it on your toys only not my furniture’ Which I DID NOT LIKE. It’s his home / furniture too. Yes I say it’s my rules as I’m his parent but ‘it’s my house’ I do not like

I think words like this make kids want to leave earlier so they can feel like they own something, or do things their way.

My house my rules.. with older kids(teens) with younger ones it's mom rules

I think it’s important to teach kids that it’s their home, but maybe not necessarily their house. In the end we’re trying to raise them into adults. It’s important to help them understand life lessons including respect and understanding authority. It also encourages a desire to obtain a house for themselves down the line. But they should absolutely know that they always have a home with their family to relax and be themselves in.

@Tamara why the change as they get older?? It’s still their house as they grow and still mom’s rules. So why the change of words and the ‘my’ house when they’re older..?

@Chí I like this perspective. There’s rules at school, at jobs, in public spaces, etc.

Most people are only referring to them cleaning. Or us providing for them. Of course we will provide for them but as some of these kids get older they think they can make adult decisions so in those cases, nah, this is my house. You don’t get to do what you want, disrespect the house, disrespect people in the house or make “household” decisions because you are not an adult and you don’t get a say in some things. sorry not sorry.

I don’t personally have an issue with this. Obviously I will communicate with my children throughly and they’ll be well aware of why things are the way that they are or need to be a certain way etc . This is something that you’d direct at teens not tots and its usage is trivial to me. We live in a country and world at large where rules need to be followed & similarly they live a home under my roof where the same is true- a comparison can be drawn a lesson can be taught . It need not be derogatorily done as there is a way to convey both messages simultaneously & respectfully

HATE IT. My mom used to say that to me all the time, it makes you feel alienated from your own home and like what you say/do has no value and doesn’t matter. Imo anyone saying this to their kids should just get a nice obedient dog instead 👍🏻

they have no choice to live there. yes you pay the bills, as you mf should. I wouldn’t say this to a child. i grew up in a home like this and constantly being kicked out or having to sit outside in the cold bc it’s “not my house” is shitty parenting. no thanks. we do respect around here, and to earn it you have to give it.

My mom used to say this to me growing up and literally sometimes still does lol (like when we’re visiting and I ask her to turn the heating up). I find it soooo triggering & nasty & I will 100% never say that or anything similar to my child. It’s OUR home, period, and their desires/opinions matter.

My parents said things like that and it always made me feel so excluded like I was a burden. With my children it’s going to be OUR house and we ALL have a responsibility in it. I’ll be teaching them the extra responsibilities we have as parents so they understand the sacrifices we make and can prepare them for the real world as they get older but I’m going to frame it in a way of “this is what being an adult is like and I do this even though it’s hard because I love you and want our family to be happy”. Their rooms will be their responsibility, mutual spaces are our responsibility and chores will be split amongst the family. No gender will get specific chores because it’s important we have to learn all aspects of caring for ourselves and our home.

@Lee 100% it’s going to make any child feel like an outsider and they like they don’t belong. I would NEVER want my child to feel that way, they should feel safe and comfortable in their own home and not made to feel like a burden by their own parent.

The wording of things change as kids get older.. teens became harder and push different buttons then littles. With my nephews they are 14 and 15 vs my 5 & 6 years. The 14 year old tries the it's my phone and I can do with it as I want. He also does it's my room.. he also tried to stay out later then curfew. The 6 year old tried to leave the house when she wanted to. She has tried to write on the walls. Take food to her room.

I agree, them being your child and it being a place they live shouldn’t change. It will make them feel like they are a guest just because they are older

I thing the wording can like others have said create resentment. It puts the child/teen in a powerless position because what will they do, buy a house? It creates a divide between child/parent. I personally would provide my thought process in an age appropriate way and then find a compromise. This teaches the kid/teen to advocate and negotiate, rather than roll over and accept control from others. Today, your child is obeying you and you might feel good about it. What may be less obvious is that this creates a pattern where in the future their partner may control and impose themselves and the now adult will accept it because it feels familiar.

Nope it’s our house. Everyone is responsible for cooking/cleaning, everyone is responsible for messes and we make rules together as a family.

I think we can have family discussions/negotiations about household decisions, especially as children get older. That being said, there are two sides to the negotiations and we as the parents can say no to requests that don't make sense (I want candy for dinner or I want to stay up until 1am for example 🤣) I think it empowers children to feel that they have some say in the family. Learning to negotiate is a good skill to develop and learn not just to go along with what other people tell you to

That is never a sentence that my kids will hear. The house we live in is as much their home as it is mine and that will always be true.