Am I in the wrong?

How does he act different with his friend? I think sometimes old friends grow and mature together, while others hold on to the dynamic from being teens or whenever they met (so could maybe seem juvenile to you? Just taking a guess!) I think he’s tried to make a compromise by agreeing for his friend to stay at a hotel. I think I’d try to make the effort to go meet them for lunch or something as sounds like it means a lot to your partner. You don’t have to hang out all day. Even say ‘I’m just coming for lunch so you guys can catch up properly/ have guy time whatever’. Meet him in the middle. If you genuinely don’t feel you can for health reasons then you need to have an honest conversation otherwise he’ll think you’re just being stubborn or don’t care.

Agree with comment above

You’ve never met the friend and he just wants you to meet them?

I think the first comment nailed it on the head. Just a meet and greet would be a good compromise. You don't have to entertain or spend a lot of time with them or hang out; just say hello, it's nice to meet you, I hope you guys have a nice time! But I don't think you're wrong to not feel up for up it, or not feeling excited about it. Especially if you've been having a hard time for any reason. It's okay to protect your peace. Hoping you're able to work it out just right! 🤞

All you need to do is meet up with them for lunch or have a drink in the evening. I’m sure once’s he’s met you they will be happy to do their own thing. Unfortunately life is about doing stuff you don’t want to do and making compromises in a relationship especially family and friends.

I get your feeling. I am someone who gets overstimulated and burned out and when I am that way- I don’t have the mental capacity to do anything and the meet up would not be great. If this is where you are- attempt to explain that. It has taken my husband a bit to learn this and understand when I’m in this place I need down time and quiet. It is ok to have nothing left to give.

@Sorrel Yes, it’s like he becomes this obnoxious, racist teenager, and it makes me really uncomfortable. It feels like I’m interrupting something all the time. I tried to compromise and say I would meet him while they decided what to do, but he’s upset because i haven’t come around to dropping off the kid to go hang out with them while he’s in town for the three days.

@Monét I’ve only met this friend over video calls

@Shannon I was fine with just a quick hi and bye, but the closer it gets, it feels like he’s hoping I’ll change my mind and jump in to party with them lol

If he acts that way with his friends, then that’s who he is and that is the issue.

If he’s obnoxious and racist just ditch him and you never have to bother with him or his friend again 👋🏽

Oof, yeah as soon as you brought up being racist w his friends that changes things. Either that's who he really is and how he really feels, or he feels the need to "fit in" with his friends who are that way. Either situation is a big red flag. Just from that alone, and the way he's still acting some type of way about it even though you tried to compromise with him, I'd say there's some bigger underlying issues here. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I'd say there needs to be some big conversations, and I genuinely hope you can find your peace in all this. Good luck hon <3

He can have his expectations and he can learn to deal with disappointment. The problem with having expectations on what others will do is the disappointment is a kicker when you learn you can’t force someone to want to do something you want them to do 😂 Stick with what you’re comfortable with.

I was all for go for lunch and compromise until I read about his racist behaviour, there's no excuse for that, he don't just turn it on for his friend, that's just who he is and I wouldnt even want to be around him let alone his friend. They both wouldn't be staying with me! I'm sorry but thats just not ok at all.