What should I do

Hi. I’m a first time mum to a 4 month old baby boy. My partner and I have been dating for just under 2 years. My partner and I moved into our flat the day before our baby was born. My partner starts work at 3/4am and is home for 10/11am. And I get that he has to work but when he comes home from work he will say hello to the baby and maybe play with him for 10 minutes max and after that he will sit on his phone or Xbox for hours on end. While he’s sitting on his phone or Xbox he expects me to look after the baby and tidy the house, do the washing and expects me to make his lunch and dinner for him. I’ve tried talking to him asking for help with either the baby or the housework but he says it’s a woman’s job. I’m due to go back to work in a few months and he’s supposed to look after the baby when I’m at work but my son doesn’t really know who my partner is as he never really interacts with him. My partner doesn’t even know how to change our baby or how much milk he takes. He’s just not interested in being a dad. Also I don’t know if I should be jealous or not but my partner has been talking to his ex a lot and she’s now pregnant. I’ve asked my partner if somethings going on between them and he says nothing is but I’m not sure. I’ve thought a lot about leaving my partner but I don’t have anywhere else to go as I have no living family left and don’t exactly have any friends who would be willing to take me and my son in for a while until I get on my feet. Any advice on what I should do and would you class speaking to an ex a form of cheating. (I’m sure there’s more going on but don’t have enough proof) sorry for the rant I just need advice

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Personally I would tell him to buck up his ideas and start being a dad and helping with the housework. Could you throw him out? I'm sure you'd get housing benefit to help with rent. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you're not his mum! X

@Alix we bought the house together so it’s in both our names but I was the one who paid the full deposit and he pays just over half of the mortgage payments so I don’t know how it will work if I had to ask him to leave. I feel bad for thinking I should leave him. But I don’t want to be stuck in this constant cycle x

If I was you I'd get legal advise with regards to the flat/ mortgage. I think one of you would have to buy the other out or sell up. But neither of you can sell up without the others agreement first. Once you have all the facts then approach him and tell him to buck up his ideas. He is now the dad and can't be playing games all the time. He needs to take responsibility and cannot leave everything to you. You are not his mother, he is supposed to be your partner.. that means everything is shared. There is no such thing as a woman's job etc. What kind of relationship do you have with his mum? Could you ask her to speak to him? Or his dad even? I'm sorry you're going through this, being a new mum and everything that entails to not having support but worse still supposed support right there but refusing to help. X

First of all, I'm sorry you're in this situation with such a young baby to worry on top of everything else. But I agree with everything Alix said, and I would have a proper sit down talk with him and get as much legal information as I can at the same time. As scary as it may seem now, your partner sounds like a walking red flag and I wouldn't want to raise a son with a partner who doesn't see me as his equal and doesn't respect me. Hoping things get better for you and your baby whatever decision you make x

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