LAZINESS !

Hmm both crap but a lazy employed dad is still making money to fund the family in my mind. Both parents need to be bringing something to the table for everything to work, if he’s bringing the income to keep the roof over heads, food on the table and nappies for baby then he’s being useful even if he’s playing video games or sleeping in.

What is a lazy SAHM? It’s an unfair comparison if the father is employed and just lazy in housework. Or is the lazy SAHM productive in other things?

@Sarah okay, I get your point .at least there's food to eat. Ah forgot to put results option.

@Jay yes She is productive in somethings(making sure babies are alive) then almost completely neglects everything else .

@Offy I know every situation is different but I’m trying out being a SAHM and the only way I can do it is my husband working his butt off and making sacrifices (more shifts/less time with us) to make up for my lack of income and keep us balanced. To me, if I was doing nothing around the house, not engaging the kids, being “lazy” I would be throwing all that in his face. Like what am I meant to be doing whilst he’s working day and night? A few days not doing chores or going slow is one thing but if I was just sat on my sofa watching tv and ignoring the kids, to me that’s awful that I gave up an income to expect him to make up for that. Having someone fund my lifestyle, feed me and the kids, making my life easier is doing me a favour and should be respected for it. I’m not saying go full stepford wife but being useless whilst your partner gives 100% is selfish to me xx

I feel like it depends on the situation because if he works long hours then it’s a little more acceptable to not have to do things at home but if he is home more than he works then he should be helping regardless of paying bills. Also for the mother if she isn’t doing much house work but is watching her kids and making sure they are fed and everything but fells down and things then that’s okay too. At the end of the day it depends on the situation there are some people who don’t do anything and neglect their children vs the ones who are sick of cleaning behind everyone and it ends up right back dirty.

I think I read this differently than most people. I read it as the SAHM is lazy in her work, and the employed dad is lazy in his work. In that case I think the dad is worse because he's supposed to be the provider and if he's being lazy at work he's risking getting fired. But if you're meaning that the dad is only lazy when he comes home from work then I'd think the lazy SAHM is worse because he's still working half the day at least and doing his job as a provider.

@FairyMother 🦖🌸 you comprehended this pretty well 😁.

Whoever is lazier is the problem. If it is balanced, then it's ok. A lazy employed father -yeah ok, he brings in the money ....but if it's lazy, then he's not doing all the mental gymnastics to put that money to good use. Iqtf hue's lazy, he's probably relying on wife to not only meal.plan, but shop for said meals and make said meals...on top of her taking care of the kids. A lazy SAHM should probably just put her kids in daycare and go to work. But if she's not actually lazy...maybe she's doing a bunch for the kids and ignoring the household, I think that's kinda acceptable. In my eyes a SAHM is in charge of the kids, but house chores should be split. (This if for young kids, not in school)

@Katherine very interesting perspective

What is lazy 🤔🤔🤔 Because I am sure lot of people find me « lazy sahm » from outside : I don’t work, I have a cleaning lady coming twice a week, I’m very bad at tidy things so most of housework is done by my husband because he doesn’t mind to do it, and every morning I have exta 3hours sleeping bc my hubby takes the baby from 6am to 9am until he goes back to his 1st nap. BUT I’m 4mo pregnant with a 9mo very active baby, still breastfeeding, I don’t have a single minute for myself during the day, except during his 1st nap where it’s my only window to eat : baby is crying when I go to the toilets 2minutes, when I’m eating, crying when I’m cooking even ir I’m just 1meter away and he sees me .. He’s crawling but tries to stand and walk and obviously falls a lot so I can’t really leave him as well without attention, he just learned how to climb on the sofa but he throws himself very dangerously from it… I feel like sometimes we can’t understand how much a mom is doing !

And also I understand the judgment because before having kids I would have probably judge myself lazy from outside as well 😅😅 But yes at the end of the day I have done nothing except taking care of baby and I feel so much exhausted as if I had ran a marathon ! Oh and I also barely cook .. Being a mom sometimes is just a lot by itself, I don’t think any mom can be lazy (except the mentally ill or crazy ones indeed) because you just can’t you have your little ones depending of you

I would say sahm when it comes to raising the kids.

@FairyMother 🦖🌸 this why I thought this is such an unfair comparison. Because what is a lazy SAHM? Are the babies thriving and she is lazy in admin/house work? Because if babies are thriving and he is employed but lazy at home then both have done the bare minimum. There is so much that goes into running a home besides laundry and cooking. Planning for those things, decisions for the home, planning for the future (eg savings/side income ventures etc). Lazy SAHM vs employed father is worded in way to make the father is doing more.

@Offy then they are the same. Both doing their direct job. Because if she was paid to keep those babies alive or she put them in day care, that’s most people’s salaries already. Neglecting every other task in the house.

Being a SAHM is hard, but the bare minimum is keeping the kids alive, being tidy (not sparkling, but things in order) and dinner on the table at least 3x/wk. If she can't do this, then perhaps put the kids in daycare and go back to work. As a WFHM before my littles went to daycare, I was able to keep the house tidy, kept the kids alive and had dinner made 4-5 nights a week while still working full time. It just requires planning. You can't be lazy and be a SAHM.