I need the opinion of someone who is outside my situation please

Yes your grandma was a bit out of order not to attend your baby’s birthday party over something silly but life’s to short to hold to grudge over something like that. Your grandma won’t be around for too much longer and you’ll regret it if she dies and you don’t go or try to patch things up. I think just let it go and go to the party and get your relationship back to how it was while she’s still on this earth

I imagine you’re probably regret the decision - maybe she if you can make it up with her x

I agree with why you wouldn’t want to attend and haven’t spoken as your child’s first birthday is a massive life event for you and she made it about her. I think if you would regret not going and are able to move past it then go to her party but if you’re still too annoyed by it why don’t you arrange to speak with her to see if you can sort your differences out on a different day.

I also wouldn’t attend

As I'm getting older, I'm realizing that sometimes you have to be the bigger person within your family to benefit your new immediate family. Yes you may be annoyed at your grandmother, but if you skip out, will your children know her? Will that bother you if they don't? You have to do what is going to be best for you and your family. If you think it will be more beneficial for you and your family to not go, don't go. I wouldn't let the opinions of aunt's, uncles, whoever, to dictate what you do. Personally, I would look at it like, do I want my kids to go to a family event and see everyone? I didn't grow up with family in the surrounding area and now that my children have lots of family in town, I try to take advantage of it even if my in-laws annoy me sometimes.

Did you post this before? I feel like I’ve read this post not too long ago if not one very very similar. I totally agree with @Sophie

Tit for tat… she did this so I’m doing that… grow up… you’ll regret it…! She probably feels like you chose the girlfriend over her, but she’s reached.. be the bigger person

Yeah she was immature for not going over the girlfriend. But don’t you think you habe “punished “ her enough by not talking to her for 7 months? Let it go and move on. If she passed away before you see her again, you will never forgive yourself

This is very tit for tat. Please try and make up with your grandmother. But I do wanna say, grandma is wrong for not attending your child’s party over not liking another guest that was invited. That’s petty.

Pick up the phone and ring her? Ask her can you talk it through. Clear the air. There comes a day where it’s too late. Trust me my sister passed and we weren’t speaking. One of life’s biggest regrets

My gran is the exact same that woman can hold a grudge 🤣 x

@Laura I think I read the post too but there was a slight variation to it if I remember correctly. Maybe I’m mixing things up though

To not see your 90 year old grandma for 7 months and skip her bday over that is insane. How would you feel if she died tomorrow?? I would give anything to have one grandparent alive that I could introduce my children to.

I wouldn’t expect my 89 year old grandmother to attend my 1 year olds first birthday in the first place at all to be honest. Kids parties are kids parties sometimes. Not all adults want to be at a kids party 🤷🏻‍♀️ lower your expectations of other ppl I think maybe 🤔 esp an 89 year old woman

@Laura yeah I think she did. I’ve seen it before too

@Deborah think she just added the part about her uncle calling

@Deborah @Jody okay cool. Not just me then😅😂

Have you tried sharing how you felt about her not attending. I think you should talk to her. It’s one thing if you spoke to her and she dismissed your feelings but you won’t know until you’ve tried. It’s true you don’t know how long she will be here at the same time do whatever you want as long as you feel confident you can live with that decision. I think a conversation needs to be had and for you to hear what she has to say.

I'd call her and talk to her about it. For me, I don't think I'd be so mad that she didn't come to my kids' 1st birthday. It's the way she then decided not to acknowledge my kid's birthday. Not even a call, not even a card, not a gift... NOTHING?? That's what would hurt me. I'd call her to ask why she chose to do THAT. I'd then tell her that this does hurt and has affected my relationship to her. What she did was very personal to your child. She's grown, and she made choices. Your child didn't deserve that. She's 90, but when she is in her death bed, she may find herself full of regrets, not just you. Depending on how that conversation went... i may attend her party or I may not. If she isn't sorry for her actions, then no, I wouldn't be attending, and I honestly wouldn't feel bad. My grandpa died, but on his death bed, he requested to see me. My family bombarded me and tried to make me feel bad with the he's old and he's grandpa, forgive him etc. I don't regret my decision 🤷🏾‍♀️.

i agree w u. i have a rocky relationship w my gma (and it used to be great too) and i totally understand like she’s using her “oldness” to make rude comments about others and be petty but then turns around and uses it against u to make u look like the asshole. so irritating and it’s a manipulative tactic my gma uses ALL THE TIME 💔 like girl ur 80 (90 in ur case) get over yourself!!

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face, forgive her and move on. I think it'll really hurt your grandma to not go to celebrate, and like your uncle said, it could potentially be the last night celebration she gets

Weirdly I never really thought of the impact or my grandparents until recent,my grandparents are around same age but I don’t attend nothing of theirs no offense.I stopped when I had my first son and they don’t come to mine just because they disrespected me and my fiancé and the others I wasn’t ever close to them and some of them are just have a lot of health issues that I’m understanding. In this situation I feel it’s not right of her because if u have a lot of family that could’ve brought her to u for ur sons 1st then it could’ve happened and I get its double standard thing but really depends on health also if she healthy and u see she attends others then yeah you’re right but if she doesn’t attend nothing for anyone, it could just be age.

If she died tomorrow and you weren't on speaking terms how would you feel.

shes 90. youve already lost 7months with her. if you dont go i promise you will regret it. i would give anything to see my nan one more time. youre very lucky you still have her with you

I would defo be the bigger person. Old people be like that and very stubborn and stuck in their ways.

I know it probably feels right to stand up for your baby but don’t let it be something that may or may not haunt you. She’s old isn’t an excuse or should be used as a weapon to make you feel guilty. Maybe she felt disrespected because she felt as your grandma she should come before a gf but either way be selfish and think about how your decision could affect your peace or mental health. Whatever you choose is right for you and your family period

You’re very blessed to have had her this long, I lost my grandma when I was 7 and my grandpa when I was 15. My only set of grandparents on my mom’s side. I’d give almost anything to be able to have them see my daughter or spend a birthday of theirs with them. I’m 35 and I had my first child 3 years ago. She’s forever your grandma and 7 months is so much time especially now a days

You don't want to wait till she's gone to try and amend things. I would say to put the differences to the side. She didn't have to attend if she didn't feel comfortable. Same for you.

I agree with you but shes too old to be petty with her.