Sensitive (funeral)

Don't you have anyone to look after them while you attend?

@Becky we do now, but my husband was saying to bring our girls along.. even his side of the family suggested that.. and I was getting made out to be the bad person.. It's my mums funeral unfortunately and I just want to concentrate on the service.. and not run about after a 2 year old for an hour.. while the service is taking place, i don't think that's unreasonable. My 3 month old would probably be ok in the carrier.. but like I said we do have someone now to look after them.. xxx

Mine attended my brothers but I had someone who watched them for me during the service and made the agreement prior, because of the exact same concern as yours. The church we had the service at had a mothers room and my co worker/close friend hung out with them in there watching the service while I attended without having to manage the babies. My son was about 5 weeks old and daughter 14 months.

@Maribel they are attending the wake, and they can meet other family members.. but the actual service I didn't think was appropriate.. and my husband was making out that I didn't care or want them there.. I just didn't think at such a young age it was appropriate and unfair on them especially my 2 year old. Xxx Thankyou 💕 for understanding

My condolences to you and your family. If you do decide to bring them maybe your husband can arrange for someone to look after them while there. HOWEVER it’s your moms funeral you should be able to attend and grieve in whatever way you find best. It’s not about them and it seems a bit selfish to make it so. They need to honor and tune in to what YOU NEED right now.

I'm sorry for your loss. My church (if it's at a church) does nursery during the service. But if there's nothing like that then your husband should be caring for them mostly so you can concentrate. If this is about children attending a funeral being appropriate or not then I think yes they should attend. If I passed away I would like to know all my family was there including grandchildren if I'm so lucky. Death is a part of life.

@Zena thankyou so much. I thought I was being selfish.. bit it's my mums funeral and in that moment I need to put my mum and my needs first for once. Xxx Thankyou 💕

@Annie they are coming to the wake.. but not the service i do want them there but not the service.. I just want to say goodbye to my mum without running after my 2 year old.. obviously she is just being 2.. we have a friend looking after them for a few hours.. but I was being made to think that I was being selfish... because I wanted to concentrate on the service xxx

I'm so sorry to hear that. No, I absolutely wouldn't take my children to my mums funeral I'd be an absolute mess and wouldn't want my children to witness that 💔 you should 100% concentrate on the service. The ones making you out to be selfish are the selfish ones 💯

I voted no and after seeing you say that it's your mother's funeral then I vote no even more. You need to consider yourself. I'm so sorry for your loss and you need to be able to be present at the funeral and mourn in your way without worrying about your children. Also they're so little they won't remember either way wherever they go or not. I personally wouldn't take them as it's not a nice environment for them however I do understand why some people want to.

I just want to add that I think anyone making you feel like you're being selfish is utterly disgusting behaviour. How dare anyone question your choice!? You are in mourning for your own mother and now people are pressuring you and making you feel guilty. Disgusting. You do what's best for you and tell them all to mind their own business. Sending you all the love and just know whatever decision YOU make is the right one for you and your children no matter everyone else's opinions.

I feel like as an adult you need time to grieve and process it without your focus being elsewhere. Your children won't understand what is happening or the significance of it, or the formalities/how you are meant to behave. I hope it goes as well as possible for you xx

I feel that. I have a wild 2 year old as well and I understand wanting to concentrate

I think it is completely appropriate for children to attend funerals and to see their parents grieve IF that's what the parent wants. It's also completely appropriate that you want to be able to have a few hours without two young children needing your attention so you can grieve your mother. As a parent you may not get many other chances to have dedicated time for those emotions in the near future with how young your kids are. You deserve to take care of yourself and grieve in whatever way works for you

Thankyou everyone so much. 💓 it makes me realise that I'm doing the right choice.. and I don't want my children to see me so upset. I feel like they've been robbed off a grandma.. and its utterly unfair and I need time to greive and say goodbye to my mum. Xxx Thanks again everyone. Xxx

@Grace I know it was my husband and mother in law that made me feel like that. So I was just furious.. which made me even more upset. I just don't feel that they understand.. which in a way they.. but my husband should of supported me no matter what xxx

I took my daughter to 3 close family funerals while she was under 1. Now she’s 2.5 I wouldn’t take her to a service but would be fine with the wake.

I can't imagine the pain you're going through, take care of yourself, and give yourself time to grieve. However, that may be ❤️

I had mine at my uncles (9months at the time) but recently had my dad's and my friend had her till the wake and I'm so glad because it was far too much to have had to worry about her

@Becky thankyou it's been very tough xxx

@Kirstin thankyou yes that was my feelings too xxx we need to think about ourselves too

My 3yr old didn't come to my nans funeral, she wouldn't understand would be noisy and be excited to see everyone. My 7yr old nephew didn't come to the funeral either, but he did come to the wake afterwards

As someone who has experienced death from the age of 3, I wouldn’t. I was extremely traumatized because I couldn’t get the smell or the environment and I also didn’t fully understand death so I felt all the important people around me would also suddenly leave, I got therapy for it when I was a child and thankfully have overcome that fear but I just personally wouldn’t let my daughter. I believe they will have to deal with that as they get older why shatter their innocence bubble.

@Christine yes my thoughts exactly. I'm sorry u had to go through that xxx