Needing advice please ladies...

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just ranting... But, I'm at the absolute end of my tether. Our LO is just over 5 months... I've done everything from day dot. Every single night feed (combi fed) and pretty much every feed bar a few. My partner gets home from work and insists he cooks every night and before you know it's time for me to do the bedtime routine. We've had many conversations about him making an effort with our son as when he was younger he would cry after seeing him.. that has gotten better as I made sure Dad got the morning smiles and they at least had that moment to bond. We've argued over it - I'm appreciate he's working, but I wasn't asking for him to take over night feeds. I just want him to interact with him more. I've left him with our son twice since birth to meet friends for coffees. Been 3 hours max... He has only taken him out for a walk on his own once, and this was shortly after c-section so I could have a bath. I've just tried to cook a lasagne (he won't because it's too much effort) and our boy screamed and he just gets frustrated so quickly. I've tried to tell him things to try but I know our son can pick up he's tense... not very soothing... So, I come in for 3rd time (because I can't just listen to him scream like that) he gives me our son and says "This just cements I'm a shit parent. I've told you I'm not cut out for this" (which he has said multiple times) I guess I just don't know what to do. I've tried to reassure him, tried to help him build a bond... but feel like I'm dragging a horse to water. I've point blank asked him if this is what he wants (he is the one who said about trying for baby etc) and he says yes. I don't know, I just feel like it's seeing a new side to someone I've been with for 8 years+... I send photos/videos while he's working and he loves it and gushes over him... But, won't sit and read a book with him or whatever. I'm sorry for the long post, I don't really have anyone to talk to! I've had some real lows over the last few months feeling alone, invisible and I've spoken to him about this. I feel like I have no more words.

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I am sorry their bonding is not goign that well. I feel like he lacks confidence with the baby? My husband would have hard time to take care of our girl and did not create much of bond early on but is trying now. He still won't change her clothes or so because he is scared for whatever reason. Perhaps you could ask him why he thinks he is not cut for it?

Could he be feeling down or depressed? Or maybe even feeling a little left out as the little one is top priority now? Is there an activity that your little one absolutely loves doing that he could maybe take over from now on to help with their bond? It can feel really horrible when you feel like a rubbish parent so I can totally understand where he is coming from but it also must be so hard for you too when you’re doing absolutely everything for the LO and trying to fix this too xx

Y'know. Sometimes you've got to realize the burden of parental bonding/ enabling parental binding with the dad is not yours alone. The other has to step up on their own accord or you'll always be the only one labeled the 'expert' in everything. Which is not right for all three parties involved. Their bond cannot be held together by your glue only. And if he is accepting of that, it's very unfortunate but also a fact. You might also need to accept this, and try to learn not to stress. Try counselling at all ?

Some fathers need help cause it isn't natural for them to be "soothing", They also spend much less time with the baby compared to the mothers hence don't know their baby as well as the mothers yet. And I mean "Help" by creating opportunity for them, not "talk"/"lecture"/"nag" Try to have your husband do the caring part of the baby when you know the baby will be in a happy mood. For example, I asked my husband to bathe my first born everyday and I stepped out of it. I know my son will be happy, smiling and kicking around the water for sure. That's how he charms his father. Once my husband got the taste of feeling great being a father, he also became much more nurturing when the babies were cranky, and wanted to be with his baby more. Find the activity that you know your baby is going to be happy jolly chatty, and in position to look at each other's face. Reading books is hard for facial interactions. Walking perhaps isn't very fun for both of them though it's healthy and LO will be curious.

Lastly, I know what it feels like. It is as if you also need to babysit your husband on top of caring for a baby. *Hugs*🫂

@Tereza @Jade @Honey @Xing Yi I'm sorry for the late reply. Thank you all for your messages and advice. We managed to have a conversation yesterday, he admitted he is feeling depressed, hates his job and feels like he has no way out etc. He doesn't want to talk to a professional etc, so I'll have to figure out how to help him! Thank you again ladies, I really appreciate your help! 🙏🏼

Glad you could find the problem out. Best of luck getting through this xx

I hope he’s ok and that’s a big step that he has told you how he is feeling. I know a couple of people who were in a similar situation and they booked a gp telephone appt and they went down the tablets route. Only a small dose and that seemed to really help but I know everyone is different. I hope he can start to feel better soon 🥰 xx

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