how much do men change after becoming a father

I need some hope (or a reality check)… my partner (28yo) is a a bit of a mess. Our first baby is due next month and he is immature and irresponsible in so many ways (I’m aware I should’ve paid more attention to this when deciding to keep the baby but I have to make do with the situation now). He can’t hold down a job and has really let me down this pregnancy in terms of support and involvement and the ways he’s treated me, despite me trying to make things work between us like getting couples counselling. I’ve heard a few people say once baby comes his brain will change and he will become more mature and step up as a father. Is this a common thing? Or is it a bad idea for me to hope/expect that?

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@Sarah 😅 I appreciate the honesty 😭

My husband changed a lot. He stepped up and helped while pregnant, and when we had our son. He is an amazing father. Every man is different! Depending on them will depend if they want to help or change for the better. I hope he will change for the better for your relationship 🙏

@Ariyana wow that’s amazing. Was he not like that before in terms of work ethic, care for you and sharing the unpaid work?

My ex became a dad at 27. Two and a half babies later he only got worse… just my experience. It didn’t matter that we had extra mouths to feed or bills or the risk of losing the roof over our head - he still couldn’t hold a job.

Totally depends on the man and whats important to them/ if they want to change. If your man can't hold a job down with baby not being here yet I'd be very concerned how he's going to support a small family once baby arrives.

@Jennifer yeah it’s worrying. I’m v financially stable and I’d rather not return to work quickly but that’s the plan because he has no income. I wonder if that makes him feel like he can be more laid back about it, not that it makes any sense to me

my man has definitely changed for the better. he’s always been great but had a lot of inconsistencies with jobs, and ever since our daughter was born he’s been so much more responsible and has kept the same job longer than he ever did before. he’s become even more caring and loving, but he’s always kinda been like that in some way so i guess it just depends on the person. if he truly deeply cares about you and your baby then he’ll step up. hopefully he will!!

Following because I’m in a similar boat. My partner is a couple years younger than me and super immature. He was doing a little bit better while we were living together but since we found out I’m pregnant, we’ve been getting hit left and right with all these bills popping up so we are moving back in with his parents. They made a whole set up for us and I am terrified he will go back to his ways and won’t ever grow up

@Alexis so similar! We just moved in with my parents to take the pressure off me paying all the rent and bills by myself, esp while I’m on maternity leave, but living with parents seems to have made him regress into even more childlike behaviours 😭 we’ll have to wait and see good luck to you xx

Aw yes good luck to you as well!

My ex and I decided to have a baby and he then spent my entire pregnancy spiralling and told me the entire pregnancy he wished he never agreed to have a baby. He done a lot of drugs and partying and not coming home etc. That hurt so so much. He stopped all physical contact with me for the entire pregnancy and when I eventually brought it up at the end of the pregnancy he said ‘well pregnancy isn’t exactly flattering is it’ which destroyed me as I felt amazing. He continued to spiral after baby was born despite us buying a new house together etc. I eventually ended the relationship when baby was 1 as I couldn’t take it anymore. He visited baby until he turned three and then stopped. He not been in my son’s life for 15 years now. He’s an absolute waste of space. So sometimes they don’t change unfortunately

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