Should I. Have woken SO up

waking an adult up is insane but so is sleeping till noon if you are over 16 so ... He should grow up.

I definitely see both sides. But I would’ve went to wake him up after the second alarm at some point. But atleast for our household that’s not something my husband expects or requires. Just a courtesy I’d extend because I know he is tired sometimes and we are partners. I have nudged him awake if I get up for the day around 8 and he’s not up. He’s still active duty so I know sometimes his schedule can change quickly so I try to balance waking him up with extra sleep.

If I knew my husband had to get up early for work but was still asleep, I would probably wake him up but its not like I’m required to do it and it would be absurd for him to be upset with me for not waking him

Sometimes I'm so tired I snooze my alarm and go back to sleep without even realising. If I were you I would have woken him up, just to see if he realised that he snoozed his alarm and to ask when he's going to work. Then if there's not enough time to catch extra sleep I would have told him. No it's not your responsibility, that's why he set alarms but as his SO I would l have taken that extra step because I care and I can. On the flip side, if my SO was busy with the kids and didn't wake me up for work after I told him the night before that I've got to go to work, I wouldn't get mad him for not waking me up, but it would cause me to be a little frustrated and would warrant a conversation. Especially if we're trying to make more money and I missed out on that chance of an extra shift.

@Khyia *sidenote I have previously woken him up when he is doing extra shifts and sometimes it ends up being that he doesn’t need to go in anymore so I never know but I just felt like his mama I’m already dealing with the kids

I would have woken him up. It sounds like you had your hands full but it’s about helping each other out not that you’re being his mom.

It’s not your responsibility to wake him up but for my partner if he set an alarm and snoozes it I always ask “hey do you no longer need your alarm ?” Or if plans have changed before I go on about my day as someone else said before just as a courtesy .

Personally if I knew he was intending to get up early, I would wake him up. Because if it happened to me, I would want him to help me if I snoozed too much

If it was my husband who signed himself up for an extra shift even though he wasn’t feeling well to support our family - I definitely would have woken him up.

You’re not his mum 😂 I don’t even get my 13 year old up for school, he sets his alarm and gets himself up and ready!

It’s a tough one if he wasn’t feeling well then I get the letting him sleep. Maybe that’s why he’s a bit aggy because he’s not feeling well. I can’t talk about the waking an adult up as I do my husband every morning otherwise he would sleep through an earth quake.

My husband would be upset if I let his miss work or be late, but I will also let him sleep as long as possible because he needs his rest. Same for me, though I go in to work at 2:30 in the afternoon if he's home I will tell him to make sure I don't miss work if I need an afternoon nap.

So, he didn't tell you when he was going in? No. You did nothing wrong. For f's sake, you're taking care of two kids, not three. If you can get yourself up every morning, so can he. Also - you saw him rouse with the second alarm. If he turned it off and went back to sleep, that's on him.

@Klaudia that’s a bit harsh. What if he does shift work? What if he’s unwell?

@Taylor I am not sure that's harsh at all. Change the perspective and say he's an adult who wanted to have a job and family. That's your duty as a parent. What if both of them had this attitude that because they have a full time job they can sleep in. Would then the kids be left alone till noon? Nonsense.

@Klaudia yikes. An ounce of compassion never hurt anyone. We have the tiniest snapshot into this persons relationship and all I’m saying is we don’t know everything. It might be that he does another part of the day and we have no idea. It could be that they are entirely useless. But we don’t know! An equal relationship can look different in every situation. It doesn’t mean they have to do the exact same thing at the same time.

@Klaudia I’ll give an example for context. My husband sleeps in on a Saturday and I get up with our daughter. But then later in the day I nap with my daughter and he does a deep clean of the house. Based on your snap judgement he’s a shit adult and father because he gets to have a lie in. When actually he does like 90% of the cleaning.

I think it’s pretty decent to do what may help your partner/spouse really, just out of consideration for them, if you want the best for them. No one’s perfect - but if the worst someone does is to oversleep, then they’re doing pretty well. If there’s more to the story, then things may be different.

My husband is pretty good at getting up on his own so when he's super tired and misses his alarm, he gets one Wake up call from me and then that's it. He's grown enough to get himself up in time for work and for whatever else he needs to get done before work.

@Klaudia yessss👏🏼

@Klaudia not everyone is a morning person, plus he wasn’t feeling well so his body probably needed the sleep.

I agree that it’s his responsibility, but just out of love and courtesy I definitely would’ve woken him up if it were my husband.

@Taylor I didn’t want to go into too much detail. This was an extra shift he took up. We don’t rotate if I’m honest he takes the kids if and when he wants to even though they always ask to do something with him otherwise he is here if he’s tired from work he cleans but I couldn’t tell you the last time he picked up a mop and he sometimes cooks

@Katy he didn’t confirm. Before I went to bed he said he was waiting for a call and he’d be working not far from home. I usually wake him if it’s his normal shift that I know of. The kids even came in the room in the morning

@Siobhan I thought I’d let him sleep I didn’t know he actually switched off his alarm. On a regular shift day I’d wake him up or one of his 4 alarms would

So sorry lovely, wasn’t fishing for more information at all, more just pointing out we don’t know everything… that sounds quite frustrating and not particularly equal.

@Taylor yeah and that's why neither you or me write a post like that because distribution of work is equal in our relationships or at least it's fair. Here she asks if she should have waken him up gave us a context that he is weird when kids wake him and then woke up at noon not stress he missed work nor taken responsibility but being all moody. That's crazy to me.