What do I do

My stepson (7) is usually besotted with my newborn (8 weeks) but yesterday we were trying to get them to eat quickly before taking them back to their mum's. They were walking about and playing so we said no playing until you eat your food so they did and in that time I gave the little one to their dad so I could go for a wee. When I came back the older stepson was whispering in my 4 year old stepsons ear, he was convincing the little one that Sofia is more loved and gets more cuddles. When the 4 year old tried to tell me what he said the 7 year old screamed no. He's clever because apparently when he went to his mum's he reminded the little one that there's no point coming to his dad's house because Sofia gets all the attention and cuddles so the little one cried and was sad. So their mum text me husband and said this is what they've said and now my husband is planning a coffee and a day out with just those two and their mum. This happens alot, the older brother knows exactly how to play them and get his way, I'm scared it will become a theme if my partner gives in but he just ignored me, because no they're not my kids so you two can parent them the way you like but I feel it's just going to worsen the problem. What would you guys do

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There’s ways of making the boys feel loved with dad without a family day out that excludes you. I’m sorry it might be me but it feels like that behaviour is being rewarded with a family day out and you and your daughter are being pushed to the side. Dad ought to be tackling this head on within your home. It’s great they coparent well but I don’t know, I just feel like it’s not the right approach. Dad can have one on one time with each of the boys when in his care without the need to do a day out with the ex. I’m sorry but I feel that just gives mixed signals to the boys. They can have mummy and daddy together if they play up and mummy and daddy aren’t together so it might be confusing at their age and cause resentment towards you as a reason that they’re not

Ive said to my partner that we all go as a family now, we're all a family and no one gets excluded, no one gets special days out on their own because that's not fair. Maybe a games night will help? Sofia can't play monopoly for example! The boys will feel loved and included and have a great time, I picked up loadssss of board games really cheap on vinted. Maybe include the boys with cuddles and explain that babies need more cuddles because they can't walk, talk or do anything for themselves, or explain what they need so it's mummy and daddy's job to cuddle them and keep them close to understand why they cry or whatnot. Even things like showing them how to make a bottle get them to shake shake shake or how to change a nappy, make a game out of it, a silly rhyme or poooeee stinky bum bum, kids love to be silly and they will just start to enjoy being around this new little human and interact with her!

Whyyyyyy is it family day out with the mum I don’t get it. Boys day out together when they come to yours yeah fine. I don’t get why the mum needs to be involved, is the mum and kid plotting to try get them back together 🤷🏽‍♀️

Why is their mum going? 🚩 🚩

@Mel thank you, I've just had the conversation with my fiancé that I'm comfortable with any arrangement except those 4 going out together without me and Sofia. I don't even mind all 6 of us going because we're all civil and it's not particularly that awkward with all 6 of us, but it just reinforces that the family of those 4 doesn't exist, it's all 6 of us, them and their mum or the 5 of us together. They can't play up and push the new additions to the family to the side, but they can have the attention they were wanting by having a boys day out ect.

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