Am I the only one….?

"I'm struggling to understand why so many people are of the opinion that the father has to be so involved in the part mums have to play" "Women were built for this, men were not" Yknow what honey, I'm sorry the bullshit Women are fed constantly has taken one hell of a grip on you, but for the majority of us we understand that if two people have a baby, whether that's conceiving it or adopting it, your gender does not determine the effort you put into raising this child. Your biological sex does not determine your roles and responsibilities. You are a parent. Irrespective of gender and all I have seen is wonderful, but tired as fuck Women putting up with their pathetic excuse for a partner giving the bare minimum, if that. They are TIRED of it and so they should be. You have a daughter woman, do better. I hope she doesn't grow up thinking because she's a woman it's her job to bare the weight of being a parent and just accept that whoever she has children with will do less. Nope, not in this day and age.

Ohhh idk where to even start… but damn, you’ve really drank the kool aid 😳🥴🥹😅 just delete this!

I think the bullshit being fed to you has had one hell of a grip ‘honey’… I’m not saying they shouldn’t play a part and I’m not saying you can’t be tired or annoyed if they’re not pulling their weight…you have missed the point of my post entirely and I can see why…so much built up anger! You’ve chosen to focus on the gendered aspects but those are the facts… Yes, i do have a daughter but who are you to tell me to do better? I can have my opinion just because you don’t agree with it you don’t have to get nasty and throw insults into my parenting, quite frankly it’s pathetic 🙄

I think you have missed the point, you have put out a post that essentially says women shouldn't expect an equal amount of effort or responsibility from their partners because "men aren't built for this". Yes there is so much anger, and so there should be! I am not a woman scorned by this particular issue because myself and my beautiful wife navigate parenting equally but I am absolutely enraged that women across the world still have to feel this way. "Youve chosen to focus on the gendered aspexts but those are the facts". You can not state that something is a fact if it is your opinion, cite your resources? No one is being nasty, I told you to DO better. BE better. This is something every single parent should be striving to do, for their children.

Dads are perfectly capable of looking after their babies. Some people also want their kids to have two parents. This is such a weird take but you do you. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Jamie No, I have not…you have chosen to read it that way because you are offended by my gendered comments! I have said women were built for this..you want me to cite resources? Lol it’s literally in OUR DNA. If we weren’t, why are we the ones that have to bear the child, why can we breastfeed, why are our bodies created the way they are if not for the benefit of child bearing and why are we softer natured if not for the raising of our children? Men are not the same…that’s not to say they can’t do 50/50 but the mother ultimately in my opinion does take most of the responsibility! Telling me to do better because I have a daughter IS getting nasty…I have a right to my opinion and just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean I need to do better…I’m sure there are plenty of people out there with the same opinion as me.

@JL I never said they weren’t… Just because they do less doesn’t mean the child doesn’t have 2 parents? I’m not sure what is weird about saying as mums we take greater responsibility for the child as that’s how we were built?

@Rochelle thankyou! Someone that understands what I’m saying

You literally said you don't understand why women are trying to enforce them to look after their babies the way women do.. but, sure. You keep saying "I didn't say that". See, this is why I asked you to cite your resources. Nowhere did I argue women aren't built to CARRY children, I argued the notion that women were built to parent children and men weren't. You think everyone with a uterus has it built into them to be a great parent? No. Women are softer natured rearing children because our western society has MADE it that way. You are aware that in places in Africa men breast feed too, right? That kinda goes against your theory a little bit there, but I suppose you can't let evidence get in the way of a strong opinion can you! I'm telling you to do better because what happens if your daughter is in the same position as these women, huh? Will you tell her she has to deal because she was built for this, her partner wasn't? Come on now, I repeat, do better.

@Rochelle I have never and would never take issue with "Equity" revolving around finances, or household chores. What I do take issue with is the idea of "equity" revolving around children/parenting. Especially when it is fueled by gender.. I take issue with the OP posting this in response to people airing their hurt, angry and upset feelings at being failed by their partners. Irrespective of physical workload they are carrying the mental workload and it is not fair one bit.. they shouldn't be told that they shouldn't "try to enforce this and then get upset if they won't or can't handle it". Ofcourse they should, because it's wrong. Whether the OP chooses to accept taking more of the responsibility for the children because she is the woman and "built for this" that's her life.. but telling other people they should be doing the same? Or that they shouldn't be trying to ask for equal from their partners? Nope. That ain't it.

@Rochelle I'd take a moment to google the Aka Pygmy tribe, then reassess your response.

@Jamie and at the end of that sentence I said ‘then get upset when they won’t or can’t handle it…’ that’s pretty key information here else it sounds like I’m saying what you are implying!! Ugh you’re actually making this about gender equality when it’s really not and it’s boring. Yes African tribal men do breastfeed but they don’t produce milk it’s just a comfort thing for the baby so it doesn’t really go against my theory here…even though it’s not MY theory it’s scientific fact that the female body was designed for these things! Bore off…my daughter has nothing to do with this so stop bringing her up trying to get a rise out of me…you’re literally so pathetic!

The end of that sentence does not change the context whatsoever 🤔 You're the one who brought up what women and men are "built for".. so, I don't believe it's me who brought up gender? Also, you can Google the Aka Pygmy tribe too. I'll wait. Again, I never argued the female body was designed to carry a baby.. but they are no more "built" to be a parent than men. Western society imposed that. If you're bored if you can stop replying? I'm not hiding who I am, you posted on an open forum and I replied directly to the information you posted. It appears you wanted people only to respond if they agreed. Maybe you were confident everyone would agree, who knows. 🤷‍♀️ For any other women reading this: You're not wrong for expecting your partner to be a parent, just like you are. You're not wrong for getting upset when they don't put in the same effort you are to raising your kids.

I’m sorry but I was not “built” to work 50 hour weeks leaving my baby at 6 weeks post partum, driving him to and from his place of care, my job, and home, getting him settled, trying to pump and breast feed, cook and buy all the food every time since auagust, do all the dishes, wash all the laundry, do every night feed, then wake up and pack his bag, get me ready, get him ready, and do it all again. You’re built different I guess but that’s what I mean when I complain my partner doesn’t do shit 👍

@Rochelle i missed the part where I said... every African man breastfeeds their children? 🤔 I said in p l a c e s I n a f r i c a - the Aka Pygmy was the FIRST place it was observed and that goes back generations.

@Jamie I wouldn’t even keep entertaining this … it’s a lost cause! Go on without her and let her live in Lala land 😂🥹🤣

@Jamie errmmm it absolutely does…Are you actually okay? If I said what you heard: ‘I don’t get why women are enforcing men to look after their babies the way we do’ that’s me saying we shouldn’t be asking men to get involved at all. What I said was ‘why do we try to enforce things then get upset when they won’t or can’t?’ 2 pretty different things and if you can’t see that then you are the issue here not me! Yes I did say built for…because as I have stated our bodies were created for this purpose! Western society did not impose that…this is laughable! I never asked you to hide who you were and you should not assume what I wanted because that makes you look stupid! You’ve come on here to spark up an argument because you didn’t like the gender comments I made but you literally have said you can’t relate because you have a wife who parents equally so you are just here to cause drama for your own ego and it’s sad…it appears you’re the one who should do better! All the best hun x

@Rochelle you haven't looked into the tribe well enough. The tribe was studied extensively both genetically and socially. The men breastfeeding and their interchangeable roles are one thing they are known for. Although only rare (yet possible) for milk to be produced, they do breastfeed and fulfil those roles for their children. It's a fact, it can be looked up as its been researched extensively, some articles dating 19 years ago. Scientists have been very interested in the tribe.. but, if you don't want to believe me, I won't waste my time convincing you 🤷‍♀️

@Rochelle also I never claimed for the sentence to represent Africans in general? It's one hell of a continent. I literally stated in parts but apparently thats not getting through as I've re-stated that for the third time now.

@Nika don't worry, I'm done now 😂 Thanks for coming along for the ride though 😂😂😂

Incognito - those are not two "pretty different" statements. Both tell women there's a difference in how men and women can parent and to just deal with it, but okay 😂 The fact you're still talking about the ability to give birth instead of the ability to parent, which i have stated all along was my entire point shows there has been 0 growth during this conversation. .... are you, having an imaginary conversation? I didn't say you asked me to hide who I was 😂 I was referring to the fact you are anonymous and I'm not (therefore not hiding who i am when i put my opinion out there) but you get mad about whatever it is you're mad about now, thats fine😂 I'm unsure how drama boosts a person's ego but.. Good luck with your life and your opinions love 😘

Let me be clearer: some people want their child to have two involved parents. You mention research but I recommend looking up the large body of research on the positive effects of having two parents actively participating in all parenting duties. The kids are more likely to have better self esteem, better learning outcomes, and feel a greater sense of safety and security. That is likely why you see others who expect that from their partners. Plus, some people believe their partners should be a partner in all things, not certain things based on what they think their gender gives them a propensity for. And I say they "think" because there's a lot of research that shows it is more societal influence and gender roles that influence this idea you have about women being "built for this" (other than biologically) and men "not having it in them, what we do in order to look after a baby" (as you put it). https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/maternal-instinct#is-it-a-myth

@JL 🙌🏻

@Rochelle As far as I was aware the Aka Pygmy tribe did not encompass and inform all of African culture. So we're having two different conversations here as I did not under any circumstances, for the fourth time, make a general statement. Some parts of africa. S o m e. Men do have breast tissue and can lactate- but is entirely abnormal for them to do so and is usually due to hormonal imbalances. The term breastfeeding i used to describe the practice The males from the Aka Pygmy do, however I did not say they provided sustenance to the baby. The tribe itself goes against westernised ideas of parenting, the men are more nurturing and stay home with children whilst the women hunt. This is my point about the westernisation of gender based parenting roles. To say our society plays no part in that is wrong Your ability to be a good parent isn't biological, it's largely personality.

@Jamie the difference is they can’t do what we do…what are you not getting? We have motherly instincts caring, nurturing…we are different! Again you’re assuming and you’re assuming wrong…I’m not focusing on our ability to give birth 🥴 Incase you didn’t notice we’re in Incognito only so that’s pretty much the point… Well, it’s giving you something being as though you’ve got so much to say on a topic you state you can’t relate to but want to push down a path it wasn’t meant to go down all because of how you perceived it. Ta ta hun x

I'll reiterate @JL 's link here in response to that first bit. I'm done now, peace ✌️ https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/maternal-instinct#is-it-a-myth

lol

I'm sorry but if after a hard day of looking after my child at home, someone then comes along and questions why I am not also working a 9-5 shift, I'd lose my shit. It also depends largely on a child's age. I would expect less of my husband with a newborn than I would once our child hits 5+. This isn't men vs women. This is about everyone playing to their strengths, efficiency and cooperating to raise human beings. Equity always. I don't get why the poster saying essentially this has got so many backs up. Sound advice poster and can't lie, I am late 30s and appreciate this advice. I would have jumped down your throat if I was in my 20s and still with my man child ex of a husband. Thankfully I am with a grown adult man now. Ps @Rochelle thank you for your contributions!

@Rochelle they literally use a technique called "milk teeth" and use herbs to produce small amounts of milk to breastfeed their children. They just don't provide enough milk for sustenance. I leave you with that information! Ciao

What OP fail to understand here is the concept of EMPATHY. Not everyone is as lucky as you to have a supporting husband who doesn't let things get too overwhelming for you, and not everyone is privileged enough to be a SAHM with all the support from their partner. Not everyone lives the good life you are living, so count your blessings. The women “moaning and complaining” are probably overwhelmed and burnt out. So, have empathy for their struggles. Don't post such ignorant post thinking everyone is as lucky as you. Their struggles are valid. Just because they are women doesn't mean they have to struggle in silence and accept that their men are just not built to help a struggling mum because they don't have the biological makeup of a woman and don't understand them.

@Azrin I think you’re the only one displaying ignorance here. I don’t fail to understand empathy. I understand not everyone is in my situation and yes I am lucky and grateful to have a supportive husband. Please don’t assume I haven’t been burnt out or overwhelmed just because I said I get a little help from my husband because as a mother we all experience this! Nothing and no one is perfect. I’ve come out of the trenches of PPD and if I came on here to vent 9/10 people would have told me to leave him but all it needed was deep understanding of each other which changed our lives completely! It’s not about being a woman so you have to just deal with it…I’m talking about relationships as a whole…there is a real toxic feel on here towards dads and I am allowed to express my opinion. All I’ve said is where you struggle, speak to your partner and express what you need…resolve it between you and understand each other because it is likely they are struggling too but in a different way!

I just wanna say I’m a full-time working mom who’s 36 weeks pregnant and I’m homeschooling my 4 year old child. My bf (soon to be ex) wanted everything to be 50/50. Yet it was more 75/25 with me doing most of the work. For those of you who have men who provide everything for you while you take care of the household and children full-time, good for you. You found one of the decent men. But it’s different for everyone. I did not make these babies by myself. So do I expect to get some help without having to say it? Yea 100%. If I can’t get that help then tf is the point of being a parent if you not gone do shit for ur kids?? So many men take on the easy part of parenting. After us women have cooked, cleaned for, bathed, nursed these kids they lay down with them at night as if they helped. Some men just don’t understand they not all built the same.

To be frank, you are a joke. For Someone who has experienced PPD and has posted what people have posted, you are now calling those women who commented on your post toxic. Well, if someone tells you to jump off a bridge because you complain your life is shit, you wouldn't do it just because people are telling you to. You use your brain and make your own decisions. I know many people here go to the extreme and say just leave the guy, but you can take it with a pinch of salt. Imagine going to someone to complain about something, and all they do is invalidate your feelings and say, “Just talk to your partner” How infuriating would that be if you’ve spoken to your partner and nothing is changing? Sometimes, we post here just to get our feelings and opinions validated, which can make a big difference to our day. So BE KIND!! Don't splurt out bullshit like men should do men's things and women should do mum's things. You clearly don't like people not agreeing with you. Have a day you deserve.

@Azrin you’re the joke, I don’t care if you or others disagree with me… all you’re doing is assuming and by doing so you completely misunderstand what I’m trying to say! You lack comprehension and are just putting words in my mouth. I haven’t invalidated anyone’s feelings and haven’t called the people here in this post toxic AT ALL! I’m talking about on the posts that I’ve read where people have disclosed unhappiness with their partners because that is what I was calling out in the first place! I’m not wasting my time with someone who is half arsed in reading and comprehending what I’m saying You do you hun… I hope You have the day you deserve too ✌🏼

Newsflash it’s 2 people that make a baby not 1 so dads should be equally involved with helping to raise the kids, no excuses

Oh, honey, reading while wrapped up in anger is making you lack comprehension. I said you called the people who commented on the posts you posted while you were struggling toxic, not this post. So, maybe read properly before replying. Take deep breaths, reread, comprehend, and then respond 🤣. I hope you will raise your daughter to be a better woman than you are. Teach her empathy, teach her not to be arrogant, teach her to count her blessings, teach her to be a feminist and fight for equality for women, and most importantly, teach her not to accept crap from men just because they are men and that's what they’re like. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Azrin lol you’re clearly the one who can’t read ‘honey’ I said ‘if I came here to vent’ I didn’t come on here to vent so get your facts straight! Again you lack comprehension so perhaps you should take your own advice… Breathe, re-read and then respond 🤡 The only one wrapped in anger is you hun. I’m perfectly happy over here and you are clearly trying to get me to resort down to your level by talking about my daughter and how I should raise her. To be quite frank I would never take parenting advice from someone pathetic like you 😂