Advice Please/venting

How many jobs does he work? Cuz you just listed 3 full time jobs that you yourself provide for the family… 1. Cooking 2. Housecleaning 3. Childcare . And by full time I mean round the clock care with no guaranteed breaks or lunches. Does he get breaks and lunches? Do you get any PTO? Does he get PTO?

@Lyss he only has one job. And I never thought to break down all those things in that way. Just felt like since I wasn't working this was my contribution. But I am definitely tired of being the person who is looked at to make all those things happen. Thanks Lyss ❤️

No you are not wrong and he is not necessarily wrong either…have a heart to heart with him because any relationship requires balance and what that looks like for the both of you is what you both make it…tell him what you want and need and how much you love him and your children but that this is how you feel

@Lyss that message was supposed to have you name spelled correctly sorry about that!

You are working! If he has made you feel otherwise that means he doesn’t value the work you do. Cuz what you do is extraordinary hard and emotional and physically draining but if you didn’t do it you would have to pay someone… I’m glad you are starting to see your worth! 💝

I don’t expect my partner to do anything but it is nice to be asked and he also doesn’t expect me to stay out of work to do these things so I guess my situation is different but I think just like going to work for him, he’ll eventually feel the need to have a break, or have some holiday hours, so it’s exactly the same for you. Also doing housework isn’t a choice unlike his choice of job. He might really love his job but yours doesn’t change so of course yours is going to feel tedious and if you need help you should receive it. I think when it comes to your child especially, partly taking care of the child is essential, in terms of bonding and building a healthy relationship with the child, playing with the child, all those are positives for everyone. I get work is tiring, and honestly a lot of people argue that SAHM’s aren’t doing the same thing and they act like the mums can never get tired. Parenting should include both parents

@Lyss as a stay at home wife/mum myself I can confirm cooking and cleaning are not full time jobs. Cooking is done maximum 3 times a day and if you manage your cleaning schedule appropriately you wouldn’t be cleaning all day either. I do agree that being a stay at home wife/mum is a job and should be valued if being done to a good standard, but we should also value that our husbands are going out and providing for our family and making the income we need to survive 🫶🏻

@Ames I too am a stay at home parent… I am a single mom who does everything on my own. And if you did not do cooking or cleaning… you literally have to hire someone. Cooking is 3 times a day and just cuz it’s not back to back it still takes a significant amount of time if you cook 3 times a day. Cuz it also counts on food prep by buying and prepping all the food every time you go to the grocery store as well. And cleaning can be a full time job depending on how deep clean you do every so often. And even just being a family manager. Someone who takes care of all the appointments and make sure everyone gets to places on time. Trust that being a stay at home mom is far more demanding than going to work for 8 hours a day. And men should not get a trophy for doing the bare minimum.

@Lyss that’s unfortunate that your a single mum without the support of a partner. Cooking and cleaning weather you like it or not are daily jobs that need to be done and it is the bare minimum to keep a clean home for your children and feed them. I am a stay at mum my house is always spotless and meals are always homemade every single day. my work is very much valued by my partner just like him going to work for 12/14 hours a day is extremely valued by me as if it wasn’t for him we wouldn’t have a house, a car, food, clothes or any luxuries that her provides for us. It’s a shame that you think someone literally being the reason you’re not homeless is the bare minimum. If you don’t like it, don’t do it. This whole “men do the bare minimum” needs to stop it’s very toxic because if the roles were reversed you’d be saying the woman is a superhero for it.

@Ames Definitely keeping your family from being homeless is by no means insignificant. But what I believe Lyss is trying to say is that when you are the person who has to tend to everything thing within your household as a stay at home mom you wear many roles. Childcare, cook, appointment manager, transportation, therapist, educator, cleaner, doctor.... being a stay at home is so many jobs and responsibilities that men often get a pass on not to contribute because that have one job. And if they do help just a little there is some much praise but for a mother it is just expected to wear all these hats.

@Lyss some men, like my own, have very good, demanding, tiring jobs and still help around the house and with the children. Although id never expect him too because I beleive our roles are equal in different ways and I see how hard he works to provide for us, likewise he sees the work I do at home for our children. I value his work, he values mine. I don’t know what men are getting trophy’s for doing the bare minimum. I suggest you get better taste in men, that might be a start.

@Lyss yeah I already guessed you’d be a lesbian liberal man hater. In what way do we live in a patriarchal society these days? A lot of women use weaponised incompetence too, it’s an individual thing, not a gender thing. There’s many women who don’t do anything. I’m unsure why you’re speaking on a traditional lifestyle dynamic when you don’t have one, it doesn’t affect you. If your partner goes to work and is the only income for the family, keeping the roof over your head, the reason you don’t have to send your child to childcare then the least you can do is keep YOUR house clean and tidy, if not for the man , for yourself and your children. I didn’t say it was about my situation I literally said if that dynamic doesn’t work for you then don’t do it, but both roles are equal in different ways. what about if that said wife instead of husband 😂😂 you’ve proved my point. Your cleaning your own house not something to be praised for

@Ames just from your response right now I know all that I need to know. Please go take some women studies classes. There is nothing wrong with educating yourself. And for the record I’m a socialist not a liberal but go off 🤣🤣

@Lyss women studies classes😂😂😂I’ve never heard anything so pathetic. Seek better people to surround yourself with and stop being so angry with the world🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

@Ames why is it pathetic to learn about the history and struggles that women have gone through and our currently going through? As a woman how can you think so poorly about your fellow women? How can you think it’s pathetic to expand your brain with knowledge from a college course? I think that frankly is so heartbreaking. I am sorry the system has failed you so much. I hope life gets better for you one day. Cuz damn it just seems so sad.

@Lyss your fighting battle that our ancestors have already fought. We can do everything men can do, your clinging onto something that really isn’t an issue. My “fellow women” 😂 people like you arnt my “fellow women” I don’t surround myself with people who love to play victim in things that ultimately arnt a problem. Taking a COLLEGE COURSE for what??😂absolutely ridiculous. You need to get on with life and cheer up abit. My life is sad? Why? Because I didn’t settle for a manchild? Because I have a husband that loves me and values me just as much as I do him. I’m treated like a queen daily and he worships the ground I walk on? I have a beautiful family I’m raising with the love of my life? Meanwhile your blabbing on about struggles women face, how hard women have it and college courses😂 get real and get on with life. Men arnt the enemy

@Ames why the long response? It’s almost like you the one upset… and I’m not even a woman I’m non-binary so yeah I’m not a fellow woman so thanks for affirming my gender you are totally sweet for that! And you know what hun im so glad you have a man that is worships you… like good job… if that’s what you need to feel complete more power to you. But the patriarchy is still alive and well… you would know if you know… educated yourself… but hey sometimes ignorance is bliss I guess.

@Lyss I don’t care about your weird man hating quotes 😂😂

@Lyss none of that is true and can all be debunked quickly. In what way are women paid less😂

@Ames I don’t know what rock you are living under… but none of this can be debunked. Women get paid less than men. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/03/01/gender-pay-gap-facts/

@Ames I think the difference in a lot of women’s cases is the fact that their partners will come home and can’t be bothered to help with their children at all. Thus leaving some mothers entirely on their own and they feel completely alone. Providing income is important, but not everyone can work right away after having a baby or afford childcare and doesn’t have other support nearby. Some women actually do prefer to go to work, but their partners want to work and aren’t willing to be the stay at home parent. OP might be wanting to switch roles for all you know. I think a lot of people think “it’s just cooking and cleaning” and it can be a lot more than that. Some women don’t have friends or any other support nearby, some children are more difficult than others. We all need a break let’s be real, people who aren’t the stay at home parents also have breaks. She should be entitled to have some time to herself as well in the same way her partner might

@Lyss I don’t live in the US thank god😂😂 Also, you’re telling me if a man and a woman go to an interview for the same job they’re gonna pay the woman less? You need to re read that source because it’s not saying what you think it is. You look silly