Sounds like she was looking for an excuse to end the friendship, especially as you mentioned she hasn't been making any effort. Who in their right mind would think a dance competition is more important than someone passing away. She seems very selfish. Like @Rashelle said, dont apologise. you are not in the wrong here. Sometimes, things happen. People need to be more understanding of other's circumstances,
Don't waste energy on people that don't want to be in your life. It's maybe time to let her go and find someone that actually wants to have you in their lives. X
So she text and apologies but also said on same breath I could of been more understand I know she’s has a busy time, I said busy doesn’t equal talking to your friends like shit, she didn’t reply. I think im over this friendship
No don’t apologise. I would send her a message, to say, you are both mums and out of everyone, you thought having explained that a someone has lost his wife, and the kids their mum she would have some empathy, because what if it was her, would she not want people to rally round for her children or brush them to go have lunch etc. a mother died leaving kids behind, she could be a little empathetic, not guilt trip you about missing her daughter dance competition.