Toddler hell
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Hey, I started EC due to similar nappy struggles since my LO was even crawling. When he does it in nappy I do this: Grab him calmly before he can sit down, don't let him sit in it before I get clothes off, so I put him over my shoulder and I'm pulling trousers off. I am not using popper bodysuits at home and normally he poops at home. Then I tell him to stand still and either rip sides of a pullup or gently take the tabs off and slide the nappy directly down, the main poop stays in the nappy between thr legs. Calmly tell child stand still. Or if he won't then I sit him on the potty next to him and hold him there while I flush poop. Then I may offer milk or something to get him to lean forward while sat on potty and I get a wet wipe and wipe him just like you'd wipe yourself sat on the toilet. Issue is he want to pull out 100 wet wipes and eat them all. I might rip a bit off one wipe and sacrifice it for a moment. Slowly he understands that his bum will be wiped and its easier to comply
Some may get on potty but you can wipe it with a wet wipe easily then spray with bathroom spray wipe again. Disinfect later. Increasingly he is getting off the potty to do downward dog his bum in thr air so I can wipe him better. Once that's done and I'm 80% confident he is wiped I sit on the closed toilet and put him laying on my knee (belly down) to do a final check of balls and thighs and put on any nappy cream needed. You could also put a calm child on their back on your lap, somehow it's accepted better than being made to lie on a changing mat 🤷♀️ Kudos to you, this stage is super hard and we will get through it and laugh about it someday if you can believe it. If you can do this immediately after the poop before they sit down it makes it soo much easier to wipe. There may be hardly any poop on their skin at all!
I’m sorry you’re going through this, my toddler has been really difficult the last few months especially being ill constantly so we are miserable, I have to really hold his hands when he tries to touch his poo while I’m changing him. - I put a clean nappy under him whilst I change him so I quickly clean him and then close the dirty nappy and the new nappy is right there. You’re a stay at home mum you’re not useless! You’re doing an amazing job, your contribution is 10 fold and irreplaceable. Can you possibly reach out to family for support ? Tell your partner all of these things, you can’t be yourself when you’re burnt out, so he needs to take it upon himself to support you, either take care of the toddler while you go out and have some time for yourself or even pay for him to be in nursery for a few days just so you can have that time for yourself and be away for a few hours.