Boyfriend drama

I need some help. I need to know if im acting insane or if im right for acting the way i am. Long story short, im with someone who has 2 boys (6 and 2) to someone else. I have 2 boys who have no contact with their father. The mother to my partners children lives with her mum. My partner lives with me and stays at his mums frequently as we’ve not established living arrangements yet. His baby mum is so disrespectful towards me. She brings my children up in her drama with my partner. She rings me screaming down the phone when things don’t go her way. She bad mouths me to my partner every time they’re in the same room. He sees his children every weekend at her house. So he goes to her house, spends the day there and then comes home. I trust him wholeheartedly so that isn’t the problem. However I don’t feel it’s necessary for him to go and sit in her house for 12 hours every Saturday and Sunday. I’ve spoken to my family and friends and they agree with me. However I want some outside points of view on this. Should he be making arrangements that don’t include him going to her house? Or should I just turn a blind eye. This is slowly but surely ruining our relationship so something needs figuring out because im at a loss. Thank you if you read this far x

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Yeahh I’d say he would need to go out with them just him and them as well! And like go to his mums xxxxx

@Laura his mum refuses to have the children there. His eldest is autistic and non verbal and for some reason she has a problem with this. I’ve offered to have the children here however she brings trouble to my door every time she does this xx

@Laura he took the kids out on Saturday and his eldest son had a meltdown so he took them back home. His baby mum then told my partner she was going out drinking for the night and he needed to stay until 8pm to feed, bath and put the kids to bed. I honestly don’t know if im being dramatic or if im completely valid for feeling the way I do xxx

Ermmm yeahhh going out and doing something seems to be the only answer then. He needs to grow away from her being there like they’re not together so the kids need to get used to that as well especially with the eldest being autistic need to get this new routine/normal boxed off otherwise I’d say he’s not serious about leaving her xxxxx

@Laura his point was that he can’t spend as much time with the kids on the weekend out and about because the weather is often rubbish. So he has no choice but to go back to her house. I just can’t get past it at all. I’ve spoken to family and friends and obviously they agree it’s not a good situation so I’ve come here for some impartial advice xx

I’d probably ask her if we need to seek like legal advice so it forces her hand that he desperately needs to have time with his children without her involvement xxx

She’s definitely taking liberties though hahaha!! Xxx

Sounds like she's still hung up on him and that's why she's bringing you drama. They could meet at a mutual location, or he could have his kids at his mum's. I think boundaries need to be set somewhere.

No way would I tolerate my man's ex screaming down the phone at me, fuck that! Block her number for a start, as there's absolutely no reason for her to be contacting you! As for his contact, it's a tricky one! Can't he get a place of his own? As this is the obvious solution. Its alot to be out with the kids ALL day though, as that would also get expensive, not to mention it sounds like his autistic child can't cope with that. You say you trust him, so why is it an issue that he's there? Although, 12hrs Saturday AND Sunday is excessive! I honestly don't know how you resolve this issue tbh. He should maybe just tell her the kids will be at yours and she just needs to deal with it, it's none of her business anyway.

have you thought about maybe having a conversation with his BM ? she clearly has a problem whether it be her wanting your bf back or whatever it is but idk if it’s just me but i’d arrange a conversation. I’d be like what’s really going on with you ?! If you’re serious about being with your bf then I would arrange a convo and set some boundaries because you all have to deal with each other whether she likes it or not . & it’s best if everyone can just be on the same page . If this doesn’t work though I would ask if his kids can come over to your house on the weekends instead . I know you said it brings trouble whenever she brings them to the door , but I would just ignore it . keep being friendly towards her , keep up a high vibration every time because sooner or later it’s going to get harder for her to keep being negative when you don’t have the reaction she’s looking for .

Personally, seeing his children don’t mean he should be at his baby mama’s house for that long on weekends, I get that it’s his children’s mum but if that was me I’d be going insane too! You’re not wrong for feeling the way you are cos we women get an insane gut feeling. Also, he should put some boundaries in place, if he respects you he wouldn’t let her be talking bad about you when it’s got nothing to do with you. You both should definitely have a sit down and mention all these stuff to him. It ain’t right and you don’t deserve that x

@Incognito thank you, that’s exactly how I feel. You’ve made me feel less crazy. Thank you ❤️

It’s okay, you don’t deserve that, no one does. And if a man can’t stand up and stand for you then I don’t know what kind of a man that is. End of the day you’re the girlfriend now and you don’t need that stress at the back of your head. Some girls are trash and some men are just crazy too. I hope nothing is going on behind your back but definitely speak to him about everything.. at the end of the day as much as it’s bad for you it’s not good for your little ones and their brain development from issues like this tha can be sorted. I hope it goes well lovely !

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