He acts like he’s not a parent too…

I’m angry at my partner and I’m starting to resent him more. He’s not really much of a help. I communicated to him but all he says is that he pays the bills and the rent acting as if he shouldn’t be able to help me with our OWN son. Then would ask if I would want to trade places and if I wanted to pay rent and bills. Im on maternity leave right now, but he wants me to quit my job so I can be with the baby. I’m already dealing with postpartum anxiety and I’m starting to have more postpartum rage. He helps on his own time which is rare and when I ask him to feed or change our 2 month old btw, he just comes up with excuses like “I don’t feel good” or straight up tells me “he doesn’t feel like it” like I said he helps out sometimes when he feels like it and not when I ask him. It pisses me off because I barely get sleep during the night or day because he doesn’t help out during night feedings. When he was waking up, I asked him but he’d just tell me basically no most of the time. I’m exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally. I do have help from my mom but she goes to work at night like 3-4 in the morning and she doesn’t live with me and I don’t live with her. I feel like a single mother most of the time. It’s like he doesn’t have that attachment like I do towards our child. I’ve noticed he’s get annoyed like look at our son like he’s annoyed when our son cries. He’s a fucking baby he’s gonna cry. And I told him this. And mostly he’ll huff and puff when he’s on the game, trying to sleep, or doing something other than working. He’s not working right now he starts soon. Then he puts in headphones, or either he just “tries” to calm our baby down by either loudly saying our child’s name and trying to console him in his way or either takes him and calms him down but gives him right to me shortly afterwards or puts him down. I’m not trying to bash him. I’m just venting. I’m tired. And I told him that. We got into a little argument. He told me he feels like he’s doing everything and has no help either (talking about paying everything). And I told him why are you with me if you feel like this? Oh! And the other day when I told him I feel like a single mother… he said go and be one. I just might. Like I said I’m just venting. But I’m also tired of everything. What do y’all think I should do?

Show your support

Personally I don’t think it’s anyone’s place to tell you what you should do !! You know your partner / relationship best. It’s what you think YOU should do. Your heart knows the answer ! I will say you’re valid & I would feel the exact same way. A happy family has to help eachother out. He’s making money sure but he should listen and see how tired you are /tiring it is being with baby all day and minimal help ! Work is exhausting & being home with baby can be exhausting. This is what me and my fiance do. He work. But he will stay up until 1 am so I can sleep a couple hours. Then throughout the night he will wake up and grab a bottle for me to feed her and go right back to sleep. Even the littlest things like that helps ! Maybe try and bring up ideas like that with him ???

You are reaching out for help because you are desperate. It’s not out of anyone’s place when you are asking for advice. Sometimes, your heart doesn’t always know the answer when you are dealing with postpartum. You can make decisions out of anger. Thank you for reaching out! Just know you are heard, ok? Personally, I think a lot of men are like this. They just don’t have that instinct like we do! But the difference between a boy and a man has how they listen and if they are willing to change their actions. I am in the same boat. I am forced to be a STAHM and that wasn’t supposed to be the plan. I was feeling frustrated, exhausted, and so angry and resentful. I wasnt getting help at night, I felt like I had to ask for help all the time, and my SO did things a little half ass sometimes. After expressing how I felt, I could tell everyday he was trying to do better. I realize he’s new at this dad thing and he isn’t with our son as much as I am. He really doesn’t know what he’s doing!

The difference is, he made effort to do better because I was struggling. He doesn’t always help with middle of the night stuff because he works about 11 hours a day mon-fri, but he does whatever else he can so I can get rest or a break when he’s home from work and weekends. When I sleep, he lets me sleep as long as my body needs so I can feel refreshed again. He sends me supportive messages when days are hard with our son, and he reads the room and knows when to skip gaming with the boys for a night because he needs to take a little more of the load. I’m grateful he heard me, even though it took some time for him to understand. I think part of it was learning how to be a parent himself! If your SO isn’t willing to listen, and isn’t doing anything to put in more effort, then you deserve better! In the chaos and exhaustion of parenting, a couple might say some messed up things to one another. I know I’m guilty of it! What he said to you was mean and harsh. Did he apologize for it

Or show any remorse? That is a tell-tale sign to me! I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I hope you can find comfort in the fact that you aren’t alone! Please reach out to family and tell them you need help with both your son and getting your mental in the right place. I don’t want you to have to do this alone, but if your partner doesn’t learn to step up, then you’ll be doing it alone forever, instead of giving yourself a chance to find someone better down the road. You deserve love, rest, patience, and understanding. You are a great mom and you are doing your very best!

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