Birthday upset

I'm just letting off some steam. Already, Christmas i was forgotten. I was the only one to not receive presents which I guess makes sense as everyone wants to now buy baby gifts instead. Christmas isn't exactly important, but I suppose it forshadows what was to come which was my birthday (today). I'm not annoyed at not getting gifts. I'm annoyed that my husband decided today was the best day to have a 4hour conversation with his parents. He went to the shop to get some croissants for breakfast and some juice, which is rare so this is a treat. I presumed he planned a lot for my birthday as he spoke about it often, but in theory it was the necklace he got that was the effort. Which I of course love. I'm just upset that since 10am he has been talking to his parents. I was there for like 15 minutes as I thought it was a birthday call, but ended up having to look after our little one who was screaming and going crazy. In the end I had to look after her alone this entire time, whilst he is on the phone. She eventually napped, so I cleaned the bathroom and emptied dishwasher and made lunch but just sat here waiting for him and it's almost 2pm... He said we were going to the beach to the cafe to get some chips, which isn't special as we did this last week, and I asked dif he booked the table excitedly because otherwise we are sitting outside in the cold with the chips. He said he didn't. So, I kind of don't want to go because I know LO is going to scream and cry as she is doing it all day already. I already feel like crying. This is just a normal day of me doing everything and if I'd had known he actually didn't plan anything I'd have taken myself to the book store and sat in their cafe reading a new book and having a delicious drink. I even gave hints on things to do on my birthday, I said that I would like to go to a new garden park and we can go to the cafe there or something. But instead, he planned for us to go to the local beach that we always go to, to gets chips like we always do, and it probably isn't going to happen as he is still on the phone.... I've lost the mood.

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I fele like i can't even complain because he will just use that he hasn't spoken to his parents for so long and his mum will cry. I just don't understand why he chose today of all days to do this.

Well first of all Happy Birthday 🎂🎈I totally understand where you are coming from, my husband isn’t the greatest at big birthday surprises either. It’s his lowest love language, and I let him away with it most of the time as he is so great at everything else. Buuut still sometimes it can get me when it’s a day that is to celebrate you and you are wanting that extra appreciation. 😥 You sound like a great mother & wife, and don’t deserve to feel down on your bday. If I was you, I would take myself off and go to a nice cafe/bookshop and spend the day how you would like. Ask him to watch out for the little one waking up from their nap. Salvage what you can from the day, and who knows you may have forgiven him later and can have a better evening together. x

my husband has always told me from day one that he is oblivious to hints, I have to spell it out for him. I can't day "hey babe surprise me on the way home" when asking for him to get me a treat, or the surprise will be he didn't get me anything. I have to say "i want x,y,z or i want to go do *specific activity* please plan a date within the next 2 weeks and arrange child care* some people think the presents are enough and are being thoughtful and don't need to do anything else, which may have been true of a highschool relationship. It does not usually meet the standards of a partnership

oh, also, happy birthday, I hope your evening is better than the day was. If I were in your shoes I would ask my husband to get off the phone and to call again another day. I would also ask him to run me a hot bath and not bother me for at least an hour

Happy birthday xx

He wouldn't finance whatever I planned, I ended up taking myself to the beach as he was still on the phone until past 4pm. I literally said to him to go to a garden on my birthday with a cafe, I guess I didn't say specifically where.... The issue is, it wouldn't had changed that he would be on the phone anyway. For 6hours... and we'd had missed the garden anyway. I took little one, too, and just helped her around the sand for an hour before walking back home. It felt like just a normal day to me. Just with a birthday breakfast. I still don't know why he chose today of all days to have the longest conversation with his parents

Does he normally spend 6 hours on the phone to them? Sorry but that seems excessive on any day and just downright rude on your birthday. What on Earth did they have to talk about for 6 hours? My mum would probably call on my husbands bday to wish him happy birthday but she wouldn’t take up loads of time like that! I think you’re justified in being upset, I would for sure say something to him. You deserve to be treated well and taken out somewhere nice and a bit different on your bday!!

No he does not, he had not really called them up until my birthday. I presumed it would had been a quick call, for my birthday, just a hello happy birthday what will you do today, not a 6hour catch up for the time he hadn't spoken to them. They are just trying to persuade him to move closer to them...

Happy birthday!! Xx Honestly, it sound's kinda toxic. I would really question why your partner can't see that him being on the phone that long on your bday is inappropriate. Sounds also a little manipulative and selfish by his parents, too. So, whatever the conversation was, it was clearly more important to him than celebrating you and your feelings. And he doesn't think about that? Has he said anything about it since? Whilst he was on the call maybe a few hrs In, diD you try saying things like "should we go now?" Or "it's getting late?" I dont think I would be able to keep my cool. If I had expected to do something together.

Any reasonably person in the grandparents shoes would have said at least once "what are your plans?" And "do you need to go?" I'm wondering what he said to this. I'm mad for you!

He definitely thinks the conversation was important, but my argument was it could had been done the next day, like "oh yes, let's talk about that tomorrow" would had been OK. It wasn't important enough to be exactly then and there. He told his mum about my upset and she is completely understandable and I think feels very guilty, I dont know about him though. She keeps saying they shouldn't have done that. It wasn't the good day to talk about life updates like that and that long. I didn't verbally say should we go, but he saw me gesture about 3 times and I even put my outdoor stuff on and gave a very obvious hint that we need to go, I even text him which he saw ... but he didn't stop. I'm not one to interrupt a conversation, and to stop it, I already did a few times when it came to dinners and I refuse to always look like that bad controlling one. It was his choice to leave the conversation or not, I tried for 1 hour showing him we need to go. I don't know. They seemed more happy to finally speak

I'm very disappointed in this, he never said it was going to be a 6h convo, he just said can we say hello to my parents, but it went immediately to a conversation not even including me

I think they thought me rude when I left, but the baby was kicking and screaming for over 30 minutes and I was automatically left to do everything as usual... next year though I am going to go to a spa alone, I'm going to vouch for myself like I did all the years before. My birthdays were only good pre baby because I planned them fully, and did everything for myself. Everyone just benefitted. But now, it's me and me only as I feel unappreciated and I do agree, it felt toxic.

I've only just realised how important carving out time for yourself is. I mean, I've always enjoyed pampering, whether it be nails or spa, but as soon as I became a mum, it's as if I forgot all about it and I neglected to also look after myself. I think that's really easy to do as a mum. So whether you plan something to do with others or for yourself, I hope you enjoy it, and it gives you some time out to feel better.

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