Don't know what to do

So many red flags here 😮 It does sound like he is cheating but I could be wrong, but he should not be ignoring your calls for so long and making you worry I don’t even know what to say but if it was my partner doing this I’d be livid! I hope you’re ok ❤️

@Stacey it does sound like he's cheating but i feel like im in denial as i really don't want to believe he would do that to me. I honestly wouldn't have minded him going out but the not answering my calls doesn't sit right with me at all it's giving sneaky. I'm going to confront him when he gets home, hopefully I get some answers. I'm okay though thank you, i have to be lol im a mother of 2❤️

honestly i don’t think he’s cheating. and im saying that as a woman who’s dating a man that also likes his space. my man is incapable of cheating and i wouldn’t dig into it further unless you have that gut feeling - which you should always trust! it certainly is a red flag that he didn’t get you a gift and wasn’t very validating towards your feelings. is he always like this? or is it recent behaviour

@kaylee that's the thing tho I don't mind him doing whatever he wants, staying at his friends house but he could at least let me know. Like I feel like and absolutely beg calling him knowing he's on/by his phone and he's just not picking up. Since Christmas he's started to act like this, he done that same thing on Christmas Eve

What reason would he have not to answer the calls though? You have two children there could be an emergency for all he knows and he’s ignoring you. If he just wants space he can communicate that there’s no reason for him to ignore your calls unless he is otherwise engaged or doing something he knows he shouldn’t be in my opinion. He may not necessarily be cheating but in my opinion he’s up to something he knows he shouldn’t. He’s taking advantage of your trust for him either way by staying out whenever he feels like it and not coming home. I wouldn’t be ok with my partner going out drinking and then staying out all night at a friend’s empty house until 12pm the next day with no word whatsoever. There would definitely be fire works when he got home and I’d have them keys to his friends place off him too. If he’s grown enough to go out and get hammered he’s grown enough to get himself home afterwards.

I see a lot of red flags here and a lot of disrespect he can’t send a simple msg and he didn’t do anything for valentines for you so sad I wouldn’t stand to be treated that way at all going out is fine but the ignoring and not coming home would make me livid

The fact you say he did it xmas eve and valentines doesn't sit right at all sounds like living a double life sadly

@Danielle he says he's not on his phone when he's out that's the only excuse he gives for my answering but i agree with everything you are saying i think im just scared to say something as i do not want him to leave me

I have been in your position and it isn’t nice. I am not trying to plant doubt into your mind or relationship. But I just think if he was being truthful he would not have to hide anything, which includes ignoring your calls. We all check our phones often even if it is just to check the time. He will have seen your calls and messages if you have left any and then will have chose not to answer them. And I know how hurtful that is as I have been on the receiving end. I think you need to be open and honest with him about how this has made you feel. Ask that he no longer spends the night out when he does go out and drink, that he checks in with you and comes home to you and his family and the end of the night. I think that’s a fair compromise. He gets his night out to blow off steam and you get security. I think once you’ve had the conversation and see his reaction whether it’s the one you want, or the one you don’t. You’ll know what to do for the best for you and your children

@Danielle we have had this conversation before, the last serious time was Christmas Eve and I really thought he wasn't gonna do it again but he's done it a few times now. It didn't really get to me but him doing it on special occasions doesn't sit right with me. I guess it's time to take a step step back isn't it

I think you know what you need to do. For your own and your children’s happiness. I think you need to put in your boundaries and stick to them firmly, you deserve that respect from him to acknowledge and accept your boundaries. I had to do the same with my partner, I would threaten to leave if he didn’t change and because I said it so much he took for granted that I wouldn’t. So I did, I left him. I went completely no contact. We didn’t speak for 2 weeks and it was the hardest two weeks ever. I think the shock of it made him realise if he didn’t change he would lose me and he has changed. He’s not perfect but he respects my boundary and we have had to compromise. If you mean as much to him and he does to you he will work together with you and compromise. If not then he doesn’t deserve you x

@Danielle we had a chat and it got deep. I think I've finally got through to him but we will see. If he does it again then i will have to choice but im just going to see how it goes. Thank you for your support ❤️

I’m glad you were able to talk to each other and be open. And I’m glad he seems to of listened. I hope it all goes well for you both now. You are welcome to message me in future if needed. Sometimes it’s comforting when someone has been through something similar x

So him not coming back because it was valentines day or taking you out is what is making you mad???? NOT the fact that he sleeps out everyday on the guise that he's too drunk to get back home and he goes out evetytime after being out albeit for work??? Your first mistake was accepting this nonsense.stop pretending you're OK w this ridiculous set up. If he goes to work he comes back home after work unless otherwise. Apart from being too drunk to come back home why must he sleep out?? Nah girl. Demand better for yourself.

@Danielle exactly!!! Such disrespectful behaviour tbh. His excuse is oh I work at a bar etc etc. Then going out after finishing work at 3am ? Just no. Even if not cheating he's just disrespectful af and leaving parenting to his wife because he has seen he can. I have no issues w his job because it's important but dang .... some responsibility to himself and his family is needed asap.

@Lav i get what you are saying, he doesn't do it every night just some weekends but like i said i honestly don't mind some weekends because we do live far from his work place so i understand he may get tired. But the fact he knew i was upset and still didnt come how thats what made me feel a type of way. We have spoken about it and he said he will do better and not to the things that ive asked him not to do fingers crossed he sticks to it

That's good if he said he will do better. We'll my stand is if he gets to get out of parenting coz he has a pad for relaxing then you should also get those keys and rotate the weekends till the owner gets back because it's no biggie right ??? Get a weekend away for yourself too and preferably save some money in that house too. We see how much longer he'll be willing to play this game with you. Because it is a joke imo. But this is my petty side talking so ignore lol 🤣. It's fine if you are ok with it ofcourse but I don't see it going your way at all. Fingers crossed.

@Lav good idea😂im gonna bring this up to him in a jokey way to see how he reacts because if he gets chill time i need chill time too!! Im with my daughter 24/7 it is a lot sometimes

🤣🤣 this is the only way to deal with men. You can cry and complain all you want and they'll just pretend they don't understand and play dumb with you. If you want them to get into action you just match their energy exactly OR you become tough and stand by your values and wants and thoughts. None of this ohh it's okay business. Either y'all get to enjoy that free pad together or on alternate nights or he can just keep the keys safe. Tf. You also need some down time. Don't let things slide owise you'll always be run down and the one losing.

Super weird. This wouldn't be acceptable to me in a relationship.

I feel like he needs to state his plans prior to going out drinking. So if he’s in work and they ask if he wants to go out, he should call or message you telling you of his plans to stay with a friend because if he’s wanting to drink a lot he knows he can’t drive home. I say this because when people get drunk, they tend to do stupid things, they don’t think straight and that’s why plans should always be made first. And maybe it’s my personal opinion, but because I have a daughter, I wouldn’t get too drunk to the point I had to stay at a friends(I’d also choose a taxi or bus or train home if I couldn’t drive)because what happens if something happens to my child and I can’t be there properly or even understand what’s going on? I just wouldn’t get too drunk personally. I’d limit it so I know I’d know if my family needed me and I could be there. But also if he was ignoring your calls, how does he know you’re not calling about something important?? I think that’s the bigger picture

I’m sorry you were feeling sad on valentines as well. You deserved him to at least have spent some time with you even if he didn’t get gifts. Take you out instead. It’s one out of the two special occasions for couples every year that you’d want him to be present(I assume you celebrate your anniversary too maybe?)and he should have definitely put you first on this day and just went out another day. Compromise is what relationships are all about. But yes talk to him and tell him you’re not on board with it

@Dionne this is my problem as well, what if I was calling because our child was hurt or something and his excuse is "I didn't look at my phone" I would never forgive him if something serious happened and he wasn't aware because he didn't wanna answer his phone. But I'm the exact same I don't get too drunk because you never know what could happen but thank you for message.