How were your partners during pregnancy?

Absolutely!! Mine doesn’t even attend the appointments. He only showed up for my first 2 appointments. He hasn’t bought anything for our baby, has never felt her kick, doesn’t even know how big she’s gotten (and hasn’t seen me since I was 4 months along), never heard her heartbeat or anything. But then claims he wants to be there for delivery. I’m not even going to call him when the time does come because he’s been a piece of shit this entire time and anytime I say anything about it he throws low blows about my mental health. I’m over it! Been over it! We’ve called it quits a while ago but I would’ve at least expected him to be more engaged and supportive throughout my pregnancy. Considering that my health affects the welfare of his child too but NOPE… he doesn’t care🤷🏾‍♀️

I’m more like your partner and my bf is the more excited one, very over protective, shops, cooks, buys things, rubs the stomach, ask questions if he can come up with any. I’m more in my head and scared of birthing a human, just insanely overwhelmed with the thought and shutting down is my escape. It gets better as I get further along. He is probably very scared of the changes, calculating things in his head ect.

first of all, I just want to say congratulations! This is an exciting time for every woman X I’m so sorry ur partner seems to be disinterested. This is definitely not a “man thing” cuz not all men act like this during pregnancy. U definitely need to sit down with him & express ur level of dissatisfaction or disappointment! u need to express to him how u expect him to carry u thru this journey as ur partner, cuz he is going to continue being that way unless u speak up cuz he prolly doesnt see anything wrong 😑 bt u don’t want to resent him, so tell him how u feel so he can u actually give him a chance to rectify his behaviors. I’m a very strong independent woman & I sometimes have to verbalize to my Husband when I need him to be there for me more cuz I come off as some1 who doesn’t really need him or anyone at all. Jus communicate with ur partner abt ur needs and be sure to tell him how dissapointed u have been so he understands

I don’t think it’s a man thing at all to be honest my husband was the opposite and used to cry at scans and was very excited about baby coming into the world however I did have to give him a bit of a push when it came to baby stuff as he didn’t really know what baby needed and kind of left that to me. Maybe you should have a chat with him about how he’s feeling as it is a huge life change and maybe it’s daunting for him

My husband didn’t show excitement or interest either my entire pregnancy, at first I was upset too and felt how you did but at the same time he didn’t really show excitement about anything other than motorcycles 🙄 we just had our baby a month ago and even though he’s not all sunshine and rainbows he tends to all babies needs while I care for our toddler since he pretty much just wants me. Even though he doesn’t say/ show it much I catch him smiling at him while holding/ feeding. Giggling at his faces, taking to him. Some men just don’t have that ooey gooey over the top enthusiasm and that’s okay. All people show their love differently. Also since we’re the ones carrying the baby, we develop the physical attachment long before they do. Once the baby is here and they can hold/ see them, the bond starts to develop. Everyone is different.

I will say though my first son’s biological dad showed no interest and that remained. My son is 2 now and he’s only held him twice, wasn’t there for the birth, any appointments etc. I haven’t heard from him in over a year and a half and pretty sure he forgot he even has a son. But my now husband is a better father he would ever be and I’m grateful he is absent and wants nothing to do with us.

My husband doesn’t show excitement but says he’s really excited and can’t wait to be a dad. Most of the shopping u did with my mum. Once we went shopping to get like clothes, bottles, blankets. All the other couples were excited, he was as walking around the mamas and papas so miserable like someone died. Then we argued turned into a shit day. For the pram I had to tell your gonna have to give me 1/3 to it. He comes to all my appointments but then again when we’re waiting in the waiting area he doesn’t talk to me. Doesn’t seem excited. I do kind of feel like pregnancy has been ruined. If it wasn’t for my parents I don’t know what I’d do x

@Keeley this is exactly it! I left my 20 week scan in tears, because he sat there looking around the room, wasn’t happy about seeing her or hearing that nothing was wrong with her. I feel like my pregnancy is ruined! I’ve told him countless times for weeks now what is bothering me and still i see no change in him, i even said to him i’m waiting for a change that is never going to come, and still hasnt 2 months later. I went for my 4D on my own because didnt want him to ruin it, when i got home i left the pictures on the side and he didnt even acknowledge… i get maybe the blokes dont want to shop/buy like we do, but the lack of general interest is concerning

My partner was like this when I was pregnant and I hated it! He completely changed when I had our little boy and is obsessed with him. I did feel very alone during pregnancy though and it was tough

It’s so heart breaking you can direct message me if you like ❤️

Sorry your going through it. Like others say with their partners, I think it’s just hard for them to see changes and adjust to it. Maybe if once the baby comes, may change if not, then you will know. They can’t really do much when it’s you physically going through it but yes I understand, it’s annoying & frustrating when they show no feelings or whatsoever about the pregnancy. I’m on my second baby and my baby daddy, is the same and I was hoping this time round it would be different be nop. We’re not together, haven’t been for awhile now.

I'm going to offer and alternative take on this topic just because it has cropped up in my relationship. I didn't really have any expectations of my partners reaction to when we found out we were expecting, but as the pregnancy has progressed, although he asks questions every now and then, he strokes bump (not super often, but enough), lifts bump if he notices I'm uncomfortable and generally does interact in other loving ways, in the beginning he was battling a lot with his mental health and emotional blunting, and this is definitely common in men. They don't get to feel baby move every day, they don't get to experience all of the changes (whether good/bad), they don't get to establish a bond the same way we do.

Now, I'm not excusing his behaviour if it's just because he doesn't care or isn't bothered, but it might be a good idea to ask him how he is coping with it, and have a real deep conversation that hopefully will lead to some answers and solutions. My fiancé was really upset that anytime I asked him to feel baby kicking, he would either stop kicking or it would be cushioned by my placenta (anterior). It can be hard for them to connect when there's nothing really physical for him to connect to. I also would encourage him to come to your midwife appointment so it can be discussed there. My midwife made a comment to my partner and told him not to worry if he didn't feel connected to his baby at the moment, and even in the first few weeks of babies life and most of that bond is established with mum until they can interact in a way that feels connecting to them (rough play, smiling, etc.).

No it's not a man thing. It's a "I don't give a shit person"thing. If he acts like he doesn't care he probably doesn't. We have to stop excusing shitty behaviors. "Boys will be boys" " this is how men are",... NO. This must be discussed with him because that behavior is not OK, not healthy and you deserve better from him.

To me that would be a red flag. My husband and I had appointments every two weeks, and now twice a week since we’re far along with twins and he’s only missed two due to work. He gets so excited each time to see the babies on the ultrasound. He’s always feeling my belly and talking/singing to the babies, or playing guitar for them. They now respond to his voice and he gets giddy with excitement every time. He did a lot of research with me about healthy pregnancy diets and cooks me nutritious meals. I’m currently on bed rest and he’s been amazing. Plus he went through hoops to buy us a house during all this. I feel like I don’t deserve him sometimes. I can understand that it would be hard for the dad to bond with the fetus since he’s not the one carrying them so maybe it’s normal for them to not feel as much excitement during the pregnancy, but I feel like the bare minimum is to at least take care of you and baby, and do whatever makes your life easier